Friday, January 30, 2009

Notes to self

MEMO 1/26/09

TO: Bev's Bod
FROM: Bev's Brain
RE: What condition your condition is in.

It has come to our attention that your pants have grown snug and your double chin has come out to play. We've also noticed that you're drinking a lot of BEER lately, and we can't help but think these two items are related. It cannot be a coincidence that your daily beer consumption went up right around the time the little line on the scale went up.

We are demanding that you cease and desist with this self-destructive behavior immediately. Please, think of the clingy dress you need to squeeze into for that big family wedding in two weeks. Also, remember that there will be pictures taken that weekend. Lots of pictures, from all angles, most of which you will not be aware are being taken.

Thank you,
The Management
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/27/09

TO: Bev's Brain
FROM: Bev's Bod
RE: Fine.

Okay, you have a point about the beer. I stopped drinking beer a week ago because I, too, noticed the bloat. Beer guts are hardly attractive. I get it. But I'm still drinking wine on the weekends, so suck it.
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/28/09

TO: Bev's Bod
FROM: Bev's Brain
RE: Have you forgotten something?

What about the tub of cookie dough in the fridge? The one you purchased for Danny's cookie swap? The one you keep sneaking spoonfuls out of?
_____________________________________________

MEMO 1/30/09

TO: Bev's Brain
FROM: Bev's Bod
RE: You suck

Eff it, I'm just gonna buy some Spanx. Beer I can give up, but cookies, well, cookies are a dealbreaker. And it's not like I eat them every day. I can stop anytime I want. Honest!

4 comments:

Pam said...

Mmmmmm, cookies.

Anonymous said...

LMAO...I am sitting here drinking a beer as I read this post..LOL

Kate

Bev said...

Oh suuuure, Kate. Rub it in!!

PJ, that goes double for you, skinny mama of TWINS! LOL!

Anonymous said...

LOVE IT!
~Lisa