Thursday, April 30, 2009

WTF Wyoming?

So, I occasionally glance at my Google Analytics info. for shits & giggles. I've gotta say, being the Follower of the Day over at LOTD kind of skewed my results last month, not that I'm complaining. I'm just saying that my blog got a lot more traffic than usual, and from a lot more sources. That being said, I got visitors from every single state in the U.S. except for a handful, and I'm callin' them out!

Wyoming: What are ya, too busy sexing up the cowboys to come read my blog? What's the dealio?! It's big sky country, I get that... but surely you have the internet there?

Vermont: My home state! I thought, of all states, you people would support me. BOOOO! On second thought, this is probably a good thing....

Maine: Well, I don't like you either. So there.

Rhode Island: That's a state?

Delaware: Hey. I'm in Delaware.

Of course, most of the visitors only came by once, but that's cool. I'm not everybody's cup o' tea, and that's fine by me. Besides, the readers/followers I do have are very loyal and VERY funny, so I'll take it. Yeah, I'm talkin' about YOU, so get yer finger out of your nose and look alive!

Now, since so many bloggers do this and I always think it's fun, I will share some of the Google search terms that brought people here. I must say, mine aren't that good compared to, say, Mala's or Matteroffactmommy's. Most people actually search for me specifically, so I got over 50 people Googling "Out of Bev's head." Hey man, that's cool. Ask for me by name! Nine out of ten doctors do. ;)

The other searches are good for a chuckle:

"jill caw" (BWAH! Jill - your bird lady caw is totally legendary!)

"load in her diaper" (Naturally)

"seymour butts" (Of course.)

"showing off the ass" (You know it.)

"turn him on at the office" (Ick - not at my office!)

"alexi murdoch" (Hells yeah)

"amy fisher" (thank you, MOFM.)

"cory andrea home depot" (who'sa what-now?)

"dacor ovens suck" (If you say so. My oven flash-cooks things. Neener-neener-neener!)

"dakota fanning" (just... no)

"god loves do overs" (And HOW!)

"how to make a stink grenade" (kids need more supervision these days, agreed?)

"lactatingfuck" (thanks again, MOFM!)

"my long haired cat smells like pee" (I hate that fucking cat)

"oddest frugal blogs" (who you callin' odd? Oh, yeah. Nevermind)

"straight women and girl crushes" (Yes and yes)

"this smell won't get out of my head" (Bad meat or good cheese?)

"you screwed me again constanza" (indeed)

And my personal favorite: "picture of indian mom in jeans" (I've heard of some weird fetishes, but that's a new one!)

And there you have it.


Mala said...

What? No sexy leg searches? Coz when I think of sexy legs, I think of you, Bev. Oh, and cleavage. Cleavage = Bev.

And just for the record, I wasn't picking, it was just an itch.

Samsmama said...

Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island. Fuck 'em.

Will MoFM EVER live down the Amy Fisher incident? I sure hope not.

Harmony said...

Man those lactatingfuck searchers are hardcore...I guess if it says "lactatingfuck" they are showing up. Crazy!

That's two more hits for "lactatingfuck"...oops, make that 3.

Word Ver: texifi; add some Texas to your life. Feeling a little down and gloom? Well poof up that hair, throw on some cowboy boots, and grab yourself a bowl of chili..ain't nothing a little texifi(ing) can't fix. Please use cautiously side effects include(and are not limited to), a natural progressive drawl..if you are noticing this and are unhappy with the results, we suggest you slowly eliminate the texifi from your life. Doing it all at once, could render you helpless and confused, ultimately leading to bipolar disorder.

Harmony said...

...oh and of course flaming diarrhea, the likes of which you become fully aware that the portal to hell is in your rear.

jessica o said...

I've been dying to do this bc I have a person who repeatedly searches "toddler rape". Sick fuck.

I'm super jealous of your state tracker. I am thinking of switching back to Blogger so I can have cool gadgets like that.

Bev said...

Mala - if you watched Seinfeld, you'd know you just came THISCLOSE to dropping a Jerry quote! "It wasn't a pick, it was a scratch!"

Samsmama - agreed! RI is like Massachusett's armpit, and that's sayin' something 'cause MA is questionable....

Harmony - BWAH! Texifi!!! I love that. Also - the portal to hell is totally in my rear. Every so often Satan pops his head out and I have to go sit down really fast to keep him in there. Cue JessO.... AWKWARD!

Jess - ew, ew, double ew. I would track that mothereffer back and report him so fast... wait. Can I do that? Hmmmm. Sick bastard. Ew....

Harmony said...

Yeah..I got a little carried away there.

And? YES! Satan popping his head out your rear? Awkward for sure! Little shit doesn't know his place..does he?

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

Bev, i am SO FUCKING JEALOUS that you get to do these posts and i no longer can. *sobs*

anyhoo, the "hey i'm in delaware." comment made me pee a little. i fucking loved wayne's world. actually, anything mike myers and i'm Forever Your Girl.

i don't know what to say about the lactating fuck thing except for "BAAAAHAHAHHA!" btw, i still have a shit-ton of stuff saved from the good ole google searches and may post them someday. if asshole stops breathing down my fucking neck long enough to get a decent post out.

Bev said...

Harmony - LMGDAO! Totally!

MOFM - Ugh, I totally forgot that you can't do these anymore. :( THat seriously BLOWS. ggrrrr....

Glad I made you pee a little. I LIVE for that shit! Also, you KNOW dig the Abdul-ism you just dropped! Forever your girl, indeed.

I'm looking forward to your next post... whenever it may happen. Ok, that's an understatement; in reality I click on your little name from my Dashboard, all-hopeful-like, and see the same old post from a week ago. :-p

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

while i would never be able to go head-to-head with you in a pop culture/trivia competition, i am glad that you always get my references. because Opposites Attract!

Cary said...

The Indian mom search was mine. I have a thing for dark, hairy women.

Thanks for the plug. Btw, FOLOTD stands for friend of LOTD, not follower. Follower sounds so David Koresh. Although, didn't he pork all his lady minions? I could get behind that. So to speak.

Harmony @ texifi - bravo! Remember that Simple Minds song, "Texifi Yourself"?

Cary said...

Oh.. and Bev dear... I challenge you to any pop culture trivia face-off, anytime. Just so happens that I was on the ATL alternate team the 2006 VH1 World Series Of Pop Culture. We almost got in -- I think we were too old for them or something.

Bev said...

MOFM - Oh, I'm down with The Paula! AND MC Scat-Cat.

Cary, my darling. You know I will (figuratively speaking) follow you to the ends of the www and back. Ok, FINE. We'll just be Friends. Happy, now? ;-)

ALso, SCORE! You actually got (thisclose to being) on the show?! That is ridiculously cool. I bow down to you. And in front of you. Heh. (kidding, people - calm down!)

I would accept your challenge, but there are two areas in which I admit a noted weakness: sports (I just don't "do" sports) and a handful of 70's shows that I never watched. The Brady Bunch is one of them, so my knowledge of all things Brady is limited. Those short-comings can be a tiny bit crippling on that show.