Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Alliteration be damned!

I know it's not Thankful Thursday, but I'm feeling thankful today, so suck it. :) I say that in the nicest way possible, like when I jokingly tell someone to "shut the fuck up." I hate it when they think I'm being serious. Especially my boss. Kidding, kidding! I never say it loudly enough for him to hear me.


I would like to send out a big THANK YOU to the nice man who flashed his lights at me this morning so I would know to slow down because there was a cop behind him. YAY, for random acts of kindness! You see, my street is hilly and windy and the speed limit is 30 MPH, which is pretty near impossible to maintain without riding the brake the whole time. 40 MPH is pretty comfortable, and that's just coasting! So, I've been pulled over twice since we've lived at this house (almost 8 years, so it's not like I'm a total speed demon), and one time I got the mutha of all speeding tickets for going about 52 mph. Ooops. Whatever, I had a pizza in the car and I was hungry, Occifer, so screw off. Ok, I didn't say that to him, but I definitely thought it.

I even have a stupid radar detector now, thanks to my FIL who loooooves gadgets. It has saved my ass a few times, I'll admit it. The last time I got pulled over it was about a week after I got that ticket, and the cop let me off... I'm pretty sure because I was wearing a low-cut top and I cried a little. STFU, I'm not too proud. Tickets suck!

Getting pulled over this morning would have totally ruined my day, so I just want to throw the THANKS out into the universe and I hope that the guy in the red jeep has a fantastic day and maybe even gets laid or something. GO, DUDE! You've earned it.

What else? I'm also thankful because I'm back into my "skinny jeans," but don't get too impressed because those still aren't tiny; it's not like I'm gushing over being a size 6. HA, no. But, when I got on the scale for my daily slap in the face (yes, I do it daily, don't judge... if I don't I find myself struggling to button my pants by the end of the week, for reals), I was hoping to see 1_9, but instead I saw 1_4. That middle digit is private, so don't be nosey. :) In fact, I was so convinced that my scale had broken that I made my kid get on it, too, and it was actually accurate. Huh. So, today is a good day, and all of my pants are too big, and I'll fucking TAKE IT. Thank you.

In closing, I will leave you with one of my favorite sketches from the now-defunct Canadian comedy troupe, The Kids In The Hall. It's amazing, they've been gone for over a decade, but I still find myself quoting them all. the. time. From this clip, I have been known to throw out my favorite line, "You just blew my mind!" and Jim will respond with, "Our minds have been blown!"

"He's really light, too!"


Mary said...

OMG- I LOVE Kids in the Hall- I'm squashing your head!
Anywho- yaya for no ticket and double yay for losing 5 pounds? wow- I think to lose 5 more I'll have to give up my morning cream and sugar with justa dash of coffee- and that my firend, will leave me wiht no vices at all...and that's just no way to live.

Harmony said...

If I could cry my way out of a ticket..I would so do it too! But I was raised by damn the man, question authority and THINK type of parents. I've gotten better by not being ridiculously sarcastic and nasty to cops.

Skinny jeans..woo hoo. Totally jealous!

Thanks God for all that you have done..nice knowing(?) you. LOL(?)

Kate said...

Yay for random acts of kindness and skinny jeans!! (My jeans keep getting bigger and bigger and....)

The one time I was pulled over I was 16 and it was a woman. She actually gave me a warning, but something tells me had I been wearing a low cut top and crying she so would have given me a ticket.

Love, love the Kids in the Hall. I loved The State even more. I wish it would come out on DVD.

Mala said...

Ya for no tickets! That's awesome. I got pulled over by a crossing guard once. WTF?! Is that even legal? I actually went to court on that one. Tickets SUCK.
Yay for you and your skinny jeans! I was happy last night when I got on the Wii Fit and it didn't do that uncomfortable moan. Fucker.

Samsmama said...

Hooray for the guy in the Jeep! In high school I had a friend who thought the proper way to warn other cars of the 5-0 was to honk. What? I think that would cause accidents.

jessica o said...

GREAT DAY! That's fabulous. God, life is taking you on a roller coaster ride these days.

If that cop had given you a ticket, Harmony would have been all over him like a cheap suit. I would have been all over him like a cheap slut.

Kids in the Hall rule. Chicken Lady is forever my fave. Crazy Canadians.

jessica o said...

forgot to check the email box

calicobebop said...

AWESOME! Random acts of kindness rock - and so does fitting into skinny jeans. I'd be thankful too!

Bev said...

Mary - of course you love KITH! You and I are totally sympatico on the TV viewing! Let's get together and watch Monty Python, KITH, and Arrested Development. I mean it. I'm coming over. Hope you have wine.

Harmony, my sweet - love that you question authority! WOO HOO! I, however, cower around cops. They scare me b/c I have done too many illegal things, and I am afraid they can sense it, like dogs smelling fear.

Kate - you can come over to Mary's too! That's ok, right Mary?

Mala - which is why I've never gotten on our Wii Fit. The one we got for X-mas, remember? That SOB can suck it.

Samsmama - yes, honking is only if you want someone to show you their boobs. What? It's not? Well, shit.

Jessica O - YAY! Thx for caring about follow-up comments. And thank you for offering to kick a cop's ass for ticketing me!!

Burt Reynolds said...

Oh no. You misread. Harmony would kick his ass. I would be all over him like a cheap SLUT.

Muah! Nice to see you today. ;)

rkintn said...

I want to say Thank You! to you! for coming by my blog and commenting. It really makes my day:)

Cary said...

I got your middle digit right here, baby.

But please -- slow down. Speeding is a crime. Speed kills. Take 'er easy. For the kids.

"People always say, 'Do it for the kids', and 'What about the kids?' You know what? FUCK the kids! That's right, fuck 'em, the little shits!" - George Carlin

Bev said...

WOW! Burt Reynolds visited my blog!!! AWESOME!

Rhonda - you're welcome! You're a good read, girl! Thanks for reading mine, too.

Cary - nice, dude. Nice.

"Won't someone pleeeeease think of the children?!"