Sunday, May 31, 2009

And we're baaaaaaaack (with an a-load of pics)

First of all, thanks to all of you for your kind thoughts and words. You've all been so nice, and it means a lot to me to know that you care! Secondly, I'm coping fine. I am sad, but functioning. I'm about ready to strangle my oldest child, but I think I might just drug him instead. Ha ha, just kidding. Sort of. He is driving me steadily insane, that much is true.

So, I'm gonna talk about something fun. I'm going to tell you all about the big Cake show we went to last Wednesday night. WOOOO! Holla! Ok, let me preface this by saying that we had a fan-fucking-tastic time... from what I remember. In the hotel room we drank at least two bottles of wine, maybe three (?).

EXHIBIT A:

Me gettin' dolled up.


Mala is totally checking out my rack.


Oh, how we laughed! La la laaaaa!


A three-pack of hotties (this was before Jill arrived).


Hot MILF action!!! AKA: Is that a camera in my pocket or am I just glad to see ya?

Then had two more of the crappiest screw-top bottles of wine EVER, with dinner. That's when things start getting fuzzy for The Bev.

EXHIBIT B:

GULP


I love you, maaaaaaan!


Let me clarify... I love you as a friend, maaaaan!


Celebrity mis-sighting of the night: Laurie kept staring at this dude who was eating behind us, saying he looked like the guy from Grounded for Life. Me, being the encyclopedia of worthless knowledge, pulled that dude's name from my ass with a dexterity that amazed even myself. Donal Logue! Of course! Doesn't everyone know his name? Heh. So, Faux-Donal came and had his picture taken with us, much to the chagrin of his seething Asian wife. WHOOPSIE. Piss-off of the night #1 (that we know of).



Apres din-din... looking a little sassier.

I have vague recollections of the show, and I remember getting super excited when a couple of my favorite songs came on (The Distance, Never There, Stick Shifts & Safety Belts, Short Skirt, Long Jacket, Frank Sinatra), but don't remember actually paying attention to the songs or ya know, listening. (BLUSH)




I do remember that I couldn't figure out how to work my gd camera, so I have a ton of 3 second video clips that were supposed to be pictures. *sigh* I maintain that it was wicked dahhhk in there, but... well, we all know it was alcohol-induced user error. The few video clips I did get are shakey as hell and pretty much un-watchable, and some feature Laurie singing LOUDLY right next to me, and me intoning, "Laaaaaaurrriiiiieeee" now and then. HA! Thankfully for us, but not for those around us, Laurie was snapping pics like nobody's business. Srsly, we got yelled at a few times. Piss Off of the night #2. In retrospect, I'm a little embarrassed... but whatever. We had fun. Those othah suckahs can... well, suck it!



I remember spending a fair amount of time texting another friend, and at intermission I went out to make a call and then things get really fuzzzzzzy. I remember Jill waited in line for a beer, and I somehow convinced her to give it to me. Why? I don't know. Not like I needed that shit! Then, I'm TOLD I went back to my seat, but next thing I remember is wandering around outside in the lobby with no clue where my friends went. Turns out they'd gone down to the stage and Laurie was working her magic on a security guard, trying to get us backstage. HAHAHAHAHA! Mala says Laurie was stroking his face and going all out. All I know is when I checked my texts the next day there were like 10 back and forths between me and Mala, all of them like this:

Me: where aaaaaah you guys?
Mala: near the stage. come down!
Me: wait? what?
Mala: we might get backstage. Come NOW!
Me: Who are you with? What?
Mala: Get your ASS DOWN HERE NOW!
Me: I LOVE THIS SONG!
Mala: BEVERONI, COME HERE NOW!
Me: (crickets)

They did not get backstage. Eventually I found my way back in and Mala found me standing against the back wall, staring at the band with a bemused expression on my face. Doo-dee-dooo... Bev's in LA LA LAND. Pandemonium continued, the band ended the show, and next thing I remember Mala and I were sitting under a street lamp waiting for Jill and Laurie. Don't know how long we sat there, or what we discussed (well, ok, I remember some of that, but that shit's private, yo!), but we did eventually get back to the hotel and reunited with our friends.



Cut to later: Laurie decides she needs pizza and goes to the lobby for some reason. And she runs into the band, who are also staying at the hotel. And she somehow gets the guitar player's freaking room phone number?! WTF? Conclusion: Laurie is magic. So she called him, I think, but things were all blurry and shit by then, so I don't think it went anywhere beyond a 5 min. convo. But, still. Gotta hand it to Laurie - when she gets it in her mind to do something, that shit gets D-O-N-E.

We went to sleep around 1ish, and I got the call at 5:15 AM that my dad was having a massive heart attack. This event will forever be known going forward as, "THE WORLD'S BIGGEST MOFO BUZZKILL." So, there's that.

BUT, the night was amazing. My friends crack me up and party like rockstars, and I'm so grateful to them for supporting me, laughing with me, and getting shitfuck wasted with me every now and then.

18 comments:

Kate said...

Hmmmmm.....lots of lady-kissing going on there. Me thinks there might be some repressed feelings.

Why oh why am I craving alcohol now that I am pregnant? Please continue to get shit-faced so I can live vicariously through you!

Heidi Renée said...

I swear I have the most fun when I am drunk. My mom thinks that's sad. I think she's boring.

Word verification: bragical. All I can think about is boobs. So I'm a drunk AND a pervert.

Mala said...

Fucksake Bev could you put some more really bad pictures up of me!! You obviously photoshop'd that lazy-eye, drunk look on my face!
A couple of things:
A) how could I not look at those knockers! They're in my face!
B)"as a friend"???? That's not what you said Wednesday!!!
C) I'm pretty sure the angry wife wasn't the first person we pissed off. Boy that restaurant empried pretty quickly.
D) Quote of the night from Bev coming back from the bathroom "OMG I've been gone for an hour!!!"
Me: "Ummm Bev, it's been 10 minutes"
E)No self potrtaits from Laurie with the couple behind us giving us the "you're #1" salute?!
F) Our text conversation went something more like this:
Me: where aaaaaahuguys?
Mala: near the stage. come down!
Me: whereyuegduj
Mala: we might get backstage. Come NOW!
Me: wheryayausi
Mala: Get your ASS DOWN HERE NOW!
Me: I'm here (no she wasn't!)
Mala: BEVERONI, COME HERE NOW!
Me: (crickets)

Mala said...

Fuckity fuck!
argh! my comment is all messed up!
in the text conversation:
Me= Mala
Mala= Bev
in other words, I'm coherent, Bev isn't!
GD!!!! I totally screwed that up!

Mala said...

Doubley fuckity fuck-fuck!
No more drinking before commenting! FAWK!! Please disregard my last comment! I was correct the first time. GD!!!!

Frank Irwin said...

Shhhhh! No one tell Mala that she can delete her own comments. :-D

Great post, Bev, especially because of the comments they elicited from Mala. HAHAHAHAHHAH!

Harmony said...

OMG Mala..I LOVE YOU!

I need to go to NH and get wasted with you guys...or you all need to come to the C A to get wasted with me. All I know is that we seriously need to get shit faced with each other.

I would've checked out your boobage too. What? That's what they're there for..right?

Glad you had a great time out with the girls@@

rkintn said...

Man, that looked like so much fun! I can't even remember the last time I got drunk like that. My life is so fucking lame! lol

My word verification is aunalie. I think it might have been a word Bev used texting while druk (twd)
LOL

Samsmama said...

First off, you are all HAWT and it looks like an awesome time.

Second, Mala is killing me.

Third, Frank is too.

D, I'll have you know that Wednesday I was driving to pick Sam up from "school" and heard "The Distance" on the radio and SO thought of you all.

I'm glad you guys had a blast. Thanks for sharing your pictures.

Much love!

Word verf: actsywir

In drunken Bev text:

"Asks why we're here". Or something.

Bev said...

Kate - you caught us. We're all closet lesbians! Also, I'm pretty sure I had enough to drink for the both of us, so don't you worry your cute little preggo self.

Heidi - HI! If you are both a drunk and a pervert you just met BOTH criteria to be my friend. Glad to have ya! Let's get drunk, make kissy faces for the camera, and ogle dudes!

Mala - HAHAHAHAHAHA! First of all, folks, Mala SWEARS she wasn't drunk. As if we don't have PHOTO EVIDENCE to the contrary. I mean, come ON! The lazy eye only comes out to play when M is half in the bag.... Secondly, my phone sucks for texting. Yet again, I blame technology!!!! Turdly, Laurie didn't send me the pic of the people flipping us off behind her head! Huh! She must've accidentally deleted it!

Thanks, Frank! As usual, Mala is the best thing about my blog! :D

Harmony, Rhonda, and Samsmama - you are all welcome to join us for our next GIRLS' (cough, sorry Frank) NIGHT OUT. Just as long as you don't mind if we're smackin' your ass and calling you Sally by night's end! Deal? Deal.

Frank Irwin said...

That's ok, Bev. I don't think I could've kept up with y'all, but it sure would've been fun to watch!

I think all verification codes come from Bev's texting.

Audra said...

To tired this morning, I pictured an actual cake show not a Cake concert. I'm so lame

MtnMama said...

Aw, man! that looked like fun. I haven't had fun like that since I left Colorado! (But I'm going back NEXT MONTH so watch out!)

Also - Colorado is "centrally located" ... in case there was ever the need for a summit. Just saying.

Jillinator said...

OMG - I love reading about our night... great times! As for the beer... I think you convinced me by saying something like "oh, is that for me?"... I did stand in line and get myself another ;)
Laurie can totally convince just about anyone to do anything... she had me behind the hall waiting by the band bus and talking with security. You girls totally know how to party like rock stahs

word verf: phica: slurred hiccup from Bev after sharing 5 bottles of wine and multiple mini alcohol bottles smuggled into the show

Mala said...

Oh yes, the nips that you hide under, well, your nips!
There should be a part duex to this post. All these little details comin' back to me.

Bev said...

OMFG! I totally forgot about smuggling those nips into the show under our boobs!!!!!!! Did we drink them? Is that why the 2nd half of the show is a blank for me? Oh maaaan.

jessica o said...

#1. I have a hangover from reading your post.
#2. Bev, your stories are the best.
#3. I'm lyin'. You all tell the best stories ever.
#4. #3 was a total lie.
#5. Mala, you crack me the fuck UP! Laughing, snorting about the lazy eye.
#6. Mala, what is "empried"?
#7. Word verf: sterm - stern in Mala type. OR storm in some backwoods place where they say sterm instead of storm.

Mala said...

Empried - yeah, I saw that but at the time there were all sorts of other wrong happening. I thought maybe that would go unnoticed- I would be wrong.

Yes Bev, you chugged the nips... oh and still had one packed safely under the boob in the morning.

Word verf. "nonsms" drinking + posting= a whole lot of nonsms