Thursday, May 14, 2009

Brain dump

I am feeling very goofy and very random today, which will either mean that this post will end up funny or bizarre or a little bit of both. I'm just gonna download the contents of my brain for you to make fun of, 'cause that's how I roll. Speaking of that - I'm so over that expression, but I can't seem to drop it and I can't seem to replace it yet. Highly annoying.

Ok, in no particular order, here are today's random musings:
(that one was for my friend MOFM... b/c I know she just loves that word!)

I've lost 10 lbs since I found out my dad has cancer. Woo-hooo...? Turns out it was easy to do; all you have to do is stop eating. Who fucking knew? Not me! 6 small meals a day? Eff that! All I did was give up a few luxuries like breakfast, snacks, and desserts, and what do you know? Sure, I'm hungry all the damn time, but I've kind of gotten used to it. Even more strange? I kind of like it. I wonder if this is how skinny people feel?

Yes, I know my metabolism will crash and burn eventually, so save your comments! I will resume my usual feeding schedule at some point when food becomes more appealing again. Except for snacks and desserts, because apparently once you hit your mid-30's you just can't have those every day. Again, who knew? I never get too skinny; for one thing, I'm just not put together that way. I'm built for comfort, not speed, baby! For another, my man likes my curves and might not be as "warm for my form" if I lost 'em all.

Funny thing about that. Jim's family is very weight-conscious, which is just a trifle annoying when you're, ya know, making babies and watching the scale go up, down and all around every couple of years in order to do so. His mom is one of these very pretty, very skinny, very popular girls. I actually love her, and how often do you hear someone say they love their MIL? Anyway, she's always dieting & only eats like once a day. His dad is always onto some new fad diet or exercise program (currently it's yoga... so he's always pulling out downward-freaking-dog in the weirdest places... it's all kinds of wrong). Anyway, he struggles with his weight quite a bit, but is the first one to notice if you put some on or take some off. Jim and his brothers are all very tall and well-built guys, and maintaining their weight isn't an issue for any of them, the bastards. What's intesting is that all three brothers picked girls who are not super-skinny stick figures. Not that we're fat, but we all definitely have curves. Actually, I think the common theme among us is big boobs, now that I think about it.

Next subject! The new Sookie Stackhouse novel is just ok. I'm not lovin' it. I haven't had much time to read lately, so maybe I'm just in a funk? But so far, it's a little dull, and there isn't nearly enough sex. Boo.

What else? Hmmmm.

I didn't make plans for this weekend, which is a little unusual. I really need to get my house under control. Working and being away so much lately have really taken a toll on my already sucky housekeeping skillz. We have 4 ft. clean laundry piles in the bedroom. At least it's clean, but rooting around up to my elbows looking for matching socks every morning is really getting OLD. I always keep the kitchen and living areas clean, because, I mean - I'm not a total pig, but the upstairs is a wreck. So, that's my plan for the weekend. Try not to be too jealous of my exciting life, ok?

Lastly, I'll leave you with a little video that's been on my mind a lot lately. I remember when it first came out, I was driving in my car and I was so taken by the words that I had to immediately rush home to try to find it online. It just strikes a chord with me, because it's pretty much exactly how I feel about aging, and you all know how much a pasty chick like me needs sunscreen. :)

And that's that. Oh, one last thing. Does anyone ever catch the Ellen Degeneres show? It's on here at the office, and I mostly tune it out, but there's this one segment that KILLS me every time they do it. They give random people in the audience microphones and put on a popular song, then they play it back with just one person's mic on so all you hear is them warbling along, not knowing all the words and stuff. I just about cry with laughter every time I see it. I'd find an example of it online for you, but I'm too effing hungry, so you'll just have to take my word on it that it's hysterical. Latah!


Brooklyn ML said...

B-your blog is the ONLY thing I keep up with these days. Why? Because I freakin' love it!!! And I love you.
I've been thinking about you lots lately, sending you happy loving Brooklyn vibes. Know you always have a place to escape to down here, should you need to. We'll paint the town red, old skool like.

Mala said...

Fuck! Did you know that when you comment the post goes away? So now I can't remember what I was going to say... what were we talking about?
Oh yeah. weight. 10 pounds, wow! I'm totally jealous! But fear not! You didn't lose it, it's right here, on my ass. bitch. Hey, I recently joined Jenny Craig. My first consult I had to ask them, errr, rather tell them we need to work this program around my wine. They said wine was OK (yeah that's a deal breaker otherwise) but I'd have to skip something else in order to have the wine (and when they say 'the wine' I'm hoping they're talking in terms of bottles). As I figure it, with all the skipping of 'other stuff', my 1 month supply of food should last me about 3 years. woo-hoo!
By the way, Mount St. Laundry is a nationally protected natural land formation .

laurieliz said...

GIRL! You have a great bod and are damn hot!!! And I'll kick anybodies ass that says different!

Besides that, Damn! 10 pounds? Geez...I'm starving myself....starting tomorrow...hehe!

Loved that video and so remember when it came out...had forgotten it...still good!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

lmao @ mala's wine consumption, mount saint laundry & the fact that your 10 pounds hit HER ass!

i fucking LOVE this song! it really struck a chord with me when i first heard it back in 1999. i had already been married for 2 years, but i was only 24. it really put shit into perspective for me. especially the whole picture thing. my mom is hardly in ANY pictures of us kids when we were growing up and that makes me sad. i have even started allowing my husband to turn the VIDEO camera on me so that the kids can see me as young, vibrant and energetic. :)

congrats (?) on the weight loss. and i promise i will not preach to you about how "you need to eat"! we all handle stress differently. guarantee i would be 10 pounds HEAVIER due to the excess wine consumption and steaks and cheeses! :)

Mala said...

I recognize the fact that IF I didn't drink I'd probably be several sizes smaller. But then I'd also be a very unpleasant person. It's a compromise. heh.

Jo said...

I love the video you posted. It got me thinking. Ummm, no dessert every night? Now you tell me! :-)

Samsmama said...

Hey, Mala! Did you know that when you comment that there's a little thing on the left you mmight find helpful. It's in blue. It's underlined. And it says "Show Original Post". And you can click on it. And the post comes back. :)

My word verf is "nouse". As is, "Male no use the comment section well".

Alright, I'll quit being a total bitch now.

Steph said...

That effing Sookie novel would have been thrown across the room if it had been an actual book v. an e-book stored on my beloved iPhone.

That hag, Charlaine Harris, is just yanking our chains now, I think. Effing fairy war, indeed. Hag.

Bev said...

Maeghan! Sweetie, I am going to take you up on that offer. I'm dying to go up to the crown at the Statue of Liberty after it reopens, and doing it up old-skool sounds like a good fucking time! Of course, I can't party quite as hard as I once could, but I'm sure I can still drink your skinny ass under the table. HA!

Mala - you called Jenny again? JEEZ! You know you gain the weight back after you're done with all her little space-packets, remember? Three words: Kirstie Fucking Alley!

Laurie - thanks, girly! I know you've got my back!

MOFM & Mala - you see, my wine consumption stepped up a notch, so that's why I decided to drop some of that pesky food to make room for it!

Jo - thanks! I love the sentiment, Bas's voice, the whole shebang!

Samsmama - thanks for your comment. I'm sure Mala really appreciates it. Heh.

Steph - I know, RIGHT? Bitch Hag WHORE Charlaine Harris! I will take her down to China Town!

Mala said...

But Bev, Valeri Bertonelli! My plan is to get down to a bikini body this summer, then OD on Meth and leave behind a killer corpse!

Samsmama said...

It was really snarky of me, I admit. I was in a mood. But, on the plus side, maybe somebody learned something here today.

Bev said...

Mala - Valerie went from a size 4 to a size 2. BFD! Eddie Van Halen-banging harlot.

Samsmama - you come post here no matter what kind of mood you are in, ya hear! I mean it! Don't make me figure out where Kansas is (I know, I know, the square one in the middle... I looked that shit up) and come over there! I'll get you... and your little dog too!

PS) I'm sure you've never heard that one before. I am Miss Originality tonight!

Mala said...

Bevers! Don't tell me that!!! I just skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner so I can enjoy this entire bottle of Pinotage!
Hee hee, my word verification is "kerbled". I have a suspicion that's how I'll feel in the morning.

Frank Irwin said...

I'm glad that Samsmama helped out Mala and her commenting issue, because I was gonna, but I didn't wanna get bitched out by Bev.


Samsmama said...

Nope, never heard it. And, having the birth name "Maryann", never heard any references to Gilligans Island either. AND, she was from Kansas.

Meanwhile, Mala has made no reference to my tutorial.

Bev said...

Hey Frank - I'd tell you to bite me, but I'm afraid you might take it literally.


Frank Irwin said...

Yes, I would, but I'd be gentle.

Samsmama said...

That's too bad, Bev likes it rough.

Bev said...

"I have no response to that."

- Joe vs. the Volcano

Mala said...

Oh yes, I see it now. Thanks Samsmama. Problem is my laptop is dying a slow. painful. death, and I'm afraid to hit any extraneous buttons in fear that it will be the straw the breaks the camel's back. Or more likely, take 45 minutes to open. fuck.

Harmony said...

I don't think I have ever heard that song before. *hangs head in shame* Thanks for sharing it with's all sorts of awesome.

10 lbs? That's how you do it? I'm right on top of that Rose.

I did a lot of cleaning yesterday..I even waxed my floor. What the shit right? Well it is what the shit to me...because I never waxed a floor before. But now my floor is all shiny and pretty..and I think I am a wax junky. LOVE IT. Love it a lot!

Kate said...

Bev! Hey there. Thanks for visiting my blog. I hereby declare us blog friends and I look forward to many, many laughs (on my part of course, my blog isn't funny.)

I am sorry to hear about your dad.

jessica o said...

lmao @ mala. all of it.

Laundry sux.

Ellen thing totally cracks me up, too.

I stole the vid and posted it to my fb because I'm unoriginal and have to steal your shit.

Losing weight. Diet pills are way more fun than your way, but they both involve starving. So that's cool.

FYI, don't do diet pills y'all. Legal meth is all that crap is.

jessica o said...

Finished reading comments.

S&M, you were feisty yesterday. Hubby not putting out?

Frank, I love that you are the only dude on all the chick blogs... just like the guy in that pic from LOTD the other day.

MOFM, I'm with you. I eat stress. and drink it.

Harmony, how much would you charge to clean my crappy 3/2?

Bev, (afterall this is YOUR blog) I love Joe vs. The Volcano mostly bc it was before Meg Ryan jacked up her face.

verf - chareve. Makes me think of cheese. Which makes me think of Wallace and Grommet.

Samsmama said...

Jess, since you asked, we broke the "every other day" rule. So, I'm doing great.

Cary said...

Curves rule. Don't want me no skinny bony bitch. I'd have to jam a pizza down her throat.