Sunday, May 17, 2009

Goodbye

Warning: This post may be a downer for some. Skip it if you want; I won't be offended.



My last living grandparent passed away today at the age of 93. Here I am at my college graduation with my two grandmothers. Grandma S. (above right) died two years ago, after living with dementia for the past five years or so. She lived independently well into her late 80's, and I loved that woman silly. Grandma C. (above left)) was as mean as a wet cat and maintained her faculties until about six months ago, when she went crazy like someone switched an "off" switch in her brain. Maybe someone did. She never recovered her senses. She'd been ill for a long time; bedridden, blind, bad heart, diabetes... you name it, but she was always a razor sharp lady, right up until recently.

In short, we've been expecting her to die for a long time, and nobody was particularly sad because she was old and ill and wanted to die. She was mean to just about everyone in her life, but she was always nice to me and my sister. I don't know why, maybe it's because we lived 8 hours away from her and only saw her a couple of times a year. At any rate, we got off easy. Plus, she liked me a lot because I was into theatre, and that was her thing in college and later with my grandfather in community theatre.

She lived to be 93 years old; she saw my whole childhood, my Jr. High, High School and college graduations, my bridal shower, my wedding, my children born. That's a pretty good fucking run, I'd say. Ninety-three is a good long life.

Seventy is not long enough.

Since I've been listening to a lot of Cake recently, this song has been speaking to me:

"End Of The Movie"

People you love
Will turn their backs on you
You'll lose your hair
Your teeth
Your knife will fall out of its sheath
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie
People you hate will get their hooks into you
They'll pull you down
You'll frown
They'll tar you and drag you through town
But you still don't like to leave before the end of the movie
No you still don't like to leave before the end of the show


Sure, life sucks sometimes, and bad shit happens, but you still don't want to die before your story is done. Right on.

I'm so sad that my children won't have a picture like this that includes my dad. I'm so sad that my dad is being ushered out of the movie when it's clearly not finished yet. I'm so sad, and I'm getting really pissed off.

Rest in peace, Grandma. This quote's for you:

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts


From As You Like It, by Wm. Shakespeare. Incidentally, that was the very first production I was ever a part of, at the tender age of 14, and I didn't have any lines at all.

15 comments:

Kate said...

I am so sorry.

rkintn said...

I am so sorry for you loss.

Harmony said...

I don't know what to say...again! What the shit? I am sorry...and I know you know this. I love the full life that your Grandmother lead...and that she chose you and your sister to be kind to...how awesome is that? That you had her for so long, is so amazing and wonderful.

About your Dad? I would be angry too, I would be lying if I said otherwise. I believe you know what will be lost..and my heart goes out to you.

I don't know...it's good to see you working through your emotions...you are very strong. And? When you can't be....that's okay too.

xoxo

laurie said...

I love what Harmony said and totally agree. So sorry, Bev. :-(

Mala said...

So sorry Bev.
Oh boy, Heaven has their hands full today!
And totally off topic - look how damn cute you are!

Steph said...

Aww, Bev. I'm so damn sorry. :( {{{{{Bev}}}}} Dude, you have my phone numbers, right? USE THOSE SUCKERS, IF YOU NEED TO, OKAY? No one expects you to be a badass 100% of the time, babe.

Cary said...

So sorry, Bev. They're both up there playing bingo, smoking cigs, scoping out dudes and having a blast.

Samsmama said...

I think I'd just like to copy and paste Harmony's comment and claim it as my own.

I'm so sorry.

Jillinator said...

Oh Crap- I was so focused on being totally embarassed about making an ass of myself this weekend that I forgot to say I was sorry about your Grandmother - d'oh! Big kisses to you and yours - oh, and I'm loving the Cake cd... by the concert I should be recovered enough to party again ;)

Bev said...

Thanks, all! Huge hugs all around.
oxoxo

Jo said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Grandmother's passing.

jessica o said...

Really sorry, sweetie.

Isn't it life's irony that the one who want to dies hangs on and the one who isn't ready must go?

Enjoy the time you have left with your dad.

Brooklyn ML said...

I'm so sorry Bev. Lots of love to you dearest.

jessica o said...

Really sorry for the drunk commenting and horrid massacre of the english language on this of all posts. Muah!

Bev said...

Thanks again, my loves. And Jess, I must be REALLY wasted b/c I didn't notice. ;)