Thursday, May 28, 2009

It happened.

I apologize; I won't be posting about the Cake show as I had planned. That'll have to wait till another day.

My father died this morning. He had a massive heart attack and decided not to go to any great extremes to live; he didn't want to be an invalid, and let's face it, he had terminal cancer, so, that's that. They gave him morphine for the pain and he passed away holding my mom's hand.

I'm numb and teary, but coping. We had a month to get used to the idea that he was dying, and most people don't even get that. I had a couple more wonderful days with him. There was nothing left unsaid. He is not in pain anymore, and he is not afraid of the torture of cancer treatment anymore, and now he is everywhere, just in a different form.

I am grieving over the fact that I can't see him anymore, and can't ask his advice or listen to his voice anymore. I miss him already. My heart is broken, but I will heal. He taught me how.


I love you, Daddy, and I always will.

26 comments:

Courtney said...

My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. I am sorry about your loss.

Samsmama said...

Bev, I am so, so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I'll tell my bro to keep an eye out for your dad.

Jo said...

My deepest sympathies, Bevy. I am so, so sorry. I have no words. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

raskal said...

I wish I had words to convey how sorry I am that you are experiencing this massive loss. I am so glad that nothing was left unsaid. Sending love, Bev... I am so so sorry.

MtnMama said...

Ah, Bev, I'm so sorry. I came over today to read up and see that my timing was not great, but I wanted to let you know that I would have given almost anything to be able to have had what you had with your dad.

It is good that he's no longer in pain.

My thoughts are with you.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

Bev, i am so unbelievably sorry. but i am also incredibly happy that you spent time with him recently and were able to connect with him during his last days.

i have a lump in my throat right now... don't know what else to say as i'm really REALLY bad during times like these. you and your family are in my thoughts.

calicobebop said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can not begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. We will keep your family in our prayers - take care.

Kate said...

I am so very sorry for you and your family. We will be praying for you.

rkintn said...

Bev, I am so sorry for you loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

That post brought tears to my eyes but yet I was also happy for you because you got those wonderful days you wrote about and nothing was left unsaid between the two of you.

{{{{{{Hugs to you, my friend}}}}}}

jessica o said...

I'm thinking of you, sweetie. Read Fannie Flagg's Can't Wait to Get to Heaven when you are feeling better. Funny and sweet look at afterlife.

verf: muron - feeling like a moron down to the very last neuron.

Mala said...

Your Dad was awesome! He still is... You're right, just in another form.

I love you

Cheasty said...

oh my god, i am so sorry. you and your family will be in my thoughts. god bless.

janiece said...

Oh Bev, I'm so sorry. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago in a similiar situation. I will miss him every single day for the rest of my life--but I have an angel watching over me, just like you now have an angel watching over you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Frank Irwin said...

I'm sorry for your loss, Bev. Plus, what everyone else said.

Teresa said...

Bev,

I am so sorry about your dad. I am glad for you that you got to spend some time with him and let him know how much you love him. Both of my parents are gone, and I miss them very much. I still talk to my Mom somtimes when I am driving...it does help. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Elizabeth and Bill said...

Your outlook on his passing is touching and beautiful, you brought tears to my eyes as I read your thoughts. My condolences to you and your family.

Mary said...

Bev, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss...I wish I had magic words for you, but just know that I'm thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way.
smooches...

Harmony said...

Bev, I am so very sorry for your loss. If I could take sorry, and spread it out smoothing the edges, making it the right size for you to climb inside and feel at peace I would. Much love, thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Stay strong (because that's what we're supposed to say), let it all out and cry (because it's the natural thing to do).

Cary said...

Hugs, B. =(

The Daily Wit said...

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.

Lori said...

*Tears*...I'm so sorry for your loss. Both John and I lost a parent to cancer, but it for my mom, it wasn't really the cancer--she just died in her sleep of heart failur. Totally unexpected, but expected at the same time..so I can imagine how you are feeling. Bless your heart...your family is in my prayers!

Pam said...

Bev, I am so, so, so sorry. I know you got to spend a bit of time with your Dad when you received the news of his diagnosis but I wish it could have been more. Your family is in my thoughts. Sending many, many hugs.

Maria said...

Well, you don't know me, but I read about you all the time on Mala's blog. I'm SO SORRY to read that you lost your daddy. Your tribute was beautiful. I know he must have been a very special man. Prayers for you and your family ...

Heidi Renée said...

Well, geez, I hopped over here from Matter of Fact Mommy because your comments are priceless. I'm so very sorry you're going through a hard time right now. The internet will be here when you're ready for it.

Steph said...

I'm so very, very sorry, Bev. :(

revolutionaire. said...

Bev, I know I'm late and I know we don't exactly know each other, but I'm so sorry for what you must be feeling. No amount of preparation time would ever be enough.

Just know you and your family are surrounded by countless people who love you and we've all got you in our thoughts and prayers.