Thursday, June 4, 2009


So, I've been a little distracted lately. I've had a lot on my mind, good and bad, so I feel like I've just been kind of wandering around in a daze for about a month. Now, when I get in these types of zombie zones, which isn't all that often, and never lasts as long as this one has, I am so out of it that I tend to walk into stuff a lot. Since I am extremely fair-skinned, that means I look like I've been beaten like a broke-down mule right about now.

I bruise easily. I often find them on myself and don't even remember getting hurt! It's just one more little F-YOU from Mother Nature's genetic bag of tricks, I guess, but it could be worse, so I acknowledge and move on.

The other day I somehow managed to walk into the protruding license plate of my car, and I really dinged up my right knee. It's all kinds of purple and blue and now, bits of yellow. Truly, it is stunning. Like a sunset! Of course, at least it's not Summer and at least I'm not going to a rehearsal dinner & wedding this weekend. And at least I'm not wearing strappy shoes, which require bare legs. Because that would suck; I'd have to show everyone how accident-prone and clumsy I am by sporting a massive bruise that has severe track-mark-like qualities about it. (eye roll)

In keeping with our tendencies to show up at these family functions looking like something the cat dragged in (no, not Scrambles the Cat... that bastard is far too lazy to be dragging in much of anything!), my youngest son took a tumble last night and now has the starting of a black eye. YES! He has reached the age when I think helmets should be mandatory at all times. His big ol' noggin just seems to pull him around and he falls head-first into things all. the. time. I suppose having a giant head will do that for you. Srsly, it's like an orange on a toothpick! It's like Sputnik!

At the last wedding, in February, it was my oldest who walked into the side of a building at school and got a gigantic goose egg on his forehead, which then proceeded to drain down his face and pool into double-black eyes and a swollen nose just as the big day arrived. I assure you, his nose and the area between his eyes are not normally that wiiiiiiiiide.

So, we're officially ready to rock n' roll at the wedding festivities this weekend! I am looking forward to the mani/pedi I'm getting tomorrow with one of my SILs and my MIL. Think it would be terribly rude if I wore my iPod? Yeah, probably. All I know is that I'm in NO MOOD FOR BS of any kind. If anyone so much as looks at me funny I will go Ninja Bev on they asses! There's a full moon on Sunday, and I'm already feeling a little loonier than usual, and full moons also seem to pull crazies to me like they're on tracks! Oh, also? I have been getting less than 5 hours of sleep per night for well over a week now, so I'm about ready to punch somebody in the face. Doesn't matter who, but I do have some ideas for who's top on my wish list!

It's not all woe is me, don't get me wrong. I don't have to work today, and yesterday my Boss gave me most of the day off out of the blue! So, I went had had sushi and pinot with Laurie and had just a really pleasant afternoon. Like the old days, before I became the Depresso-Bev 2000. Hee! I will say, I am often thankful that I am naturally a pretty happy gal. I have never suffered from depression or even bad moods that last for longer than a day or two. I think I was born with extra serotonin or something because my moods just kind of naturally float near the surface. I'm lucky that way, and I am grateful for it.

However, I will still inflict pain on someone if I don't get some GD sleep, and soon!!

Have a nice weekend, everyone! I'll post pics of the wedding when I get back, if I don't end up in jail for assault, that is. I'm just repeating the mantra I've had in my head forever now, which I boosted from some gawd-awful Eddie Murphy movie from long ago: KEEP IT TOGETHER... KEEP IT TOGETHER...KEEP IT TOGETHER! :)


Samsmama said...

Sam has a large head. Because of the percentile group he was in, we dubbed him "Big 90". I can't believe you passed up the chance to make a Seinfeld reference.

"Like a walking candy apple".

Enjoy your weekend!

Mala said...

Hellz yeah!! First to the party! WOOT!
Ass bruise?
Have a fabulous weekend and don't forget your squirt bottle of skunk piss.

Mala said...

sonofa!!!! Samsmama! you beyotch!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

@samsmama, you're right - she chose So I Married an Axe Murderer instead! (one of my all-time favorite movies, btw.)

as far as bruises and bare legs, summer, and all that. heh, well i play lots of soccer. which means that i sometimes have gigantic bruises, scrapes and raspberries on my legs. recently, i performed a slide-tackle and came up with a beautifully bruised forearm and elbow. "like a sunset!", as you say. (hilarious, btw.) anyway, whenever someone in the office asks, "omg, what happened to you!?" i look at them sheepishly and then pretend to cry, "I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS, ALRIGHT!"

i'll end my ridiculously long comment by saying that you did a particularly awesome job with the peppering of the pop culture references in this post. ;)

have a GREAT time this weekend! please relax as much as possible and get some much needed sleep.

Bev said...

Samsmama, YES! Elaine's giant head?! "He flew right into yo' heyd!" HAHAHA!!!!

Mala, I never leave home w/out my skunk piss!! Also, sorry you got trumped by Samsmama, again... cue Nelson Muntz: "Ha ha!"

MoFM, hahahahahaha!!!! You kill me, lady! I know it's wrong to laugh about being abused, but what-fuckin-ever, right? I'm already going to hell. Might as well have some fun before I DO! WOOT! Also, we should get together and compare our traumatized pins. Something tells me you'll win b/c yours are achieved thru exercise, whereas mine come only b/c I am a clutz. waa, waa, waaaaaaaa.

Also, thanks for noticing my peppering! I love pepper. It's my favorite spice, aside from Posh.

jessica o said...

Did your poor baby cry himself to sleep on his giant pillah?

Sorry your banged up. AND don't ever go to that website. banged up. skerry.

Verf: biquing - French. Used to be le biking.

jessica o said...

AND? Now I remember where you are going this weekend! Thanks for that.

Plus, I LOVE Bowfinger. I realize I am a dork, but "Chubby Rain" kills me.

Have fun! Lots of pics! Don't punch anyone, you'll bruise your knuckles.

MtnMama said...

BEV! May I borrow that mantra? I need it right now...

Your descriptions of your injuries are so funny - I, too, am very fair and show every little thing. People ask me what happened and I have no idea.

Besides, you'll be so awesome in your dress that no one will notice the knee, right? Draw the eyes upward, baby!

Samsmama said...

Mala...sorry. But I died laughing when I read your "First" comment and then saw your second comment. Which was actually the third comment. Why? Because I was FIRST! Suck it, sista!

MoFM, when they look at you all concerned, smile big and say, "I'm in love! Ain't it great"?

Ya, I stole that from a book. What of it?

Mala said...

Samsmama - sorry for my angry outburst. That's just how I am in the morning.
And of course because Blogger has been a total little bitch I've been showing up on Bev's blog always late to the party. By the time I get here, it's just an empty room strewn with red plastic beverage cups, a random bra or two and smelling of ass. FML
Oh, and I totally blame this mornings (notso)first post, on the epicly long and retarded word verf.

Samsmama said...

Mala, seriously, is Blogger getting her period? She's pissing me off with her little antics.

Also, I was wondering where I left my bra!

Cary said...

Random bras strewn across the floor -- that's why I come here. Don't know about the smell. Maybe someone had sex right before you got here, Mala.

I smell sex and... candy... yeah...

Bev - you know you popped that kid in the face, don't lie to us. "Ran into a wall." Uh huh. Ran into your fist. But no worries, every parent has to smack a little bitch sometimes. I sure he had it coming, whatever he did. Bet he won't do it again, either. You're not doing your job unless they flinch when you go to hug them.

Mala said...

"You're not doing your job unless they flinch when you go to hug them." *SNORT*

Sex? Mustof. Damn, I hate showin' up late!

PorkStar said...

Have a nice weekend and watch for those things like buildings and walls crossing your path... make sure they dont hurt you. Punch them back if they do. : )

Cheasty said...

oh bev, i hope things look up for you soon. suerte, chica, and have fun at the wedding!

everybody else, y'all left me laughing so hard i accidentally farted. don't worry, i passed it off as a squeaky chair.

Cary said...

cheasty, it takes a brave woman to admit she cut the cheese. I salute you. With one hand, that is. The other is pinching my nose shut.

Frank Irwin said...


calicobebop said...

"it's like an orange on a toothpick! It's like Sputnik!"

I love that movie! HEEED!!

Sorry you're going through a rough patch - I hope you get some GD sleep soon!

Though, I would like to see Ninja Bev. Just for future reference. :)

headbitingprincess said...

this happens to me too. Im an airhead sometimes and bump into things and end up with bruises in the wrongest of places. : )

Harmony said...

" It's just one more little F-YOU from Mother Nature's genetic bag of tricks ~ Made me laugh so hard. I get one of those every morning that I look in the mirror.

Hope you have a great weekend. Can't wait to see all the pictures and to hear your recap!

Kate said...

At least you know where you where your bruises come from, unlike some other bloggers we know.

Would it make you feel better to punch my MIL in the face? 'Cause I'm willing to arrange that for you. That's just the type of friend I am.

Samsmama said...

Somebody talkin' about me?