Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Have you seen this blogger?


Answers to: garrito, burrito, garritoto, garritutu, garritofu
Blog Name: "Hey, A Shiny Object"
Raison d'etre: Making fun of shit, being a lovable curmudgeon
Last seen: 2 months ago, when he told us all he was preparing to get married. This is the Blogosphere's equivalent of "going out for cigarettes."

Possible reasons for disappearance:
* Still having mad newlywed sex
* Contracted Swine Flu while honeymooning in Mexico
* Abducted by aliens
* New wife discovered his loyal female blog following and was not easily amused
* Became a time traveler and is now trapped in the 14th century
* Doing hard time for pimping
* Suffered a traumatic brain injury after being kicked by a mule; consequently lost his sense of humor and ability to taste
* Got a life/just got sick of this shizz

If anyone sees this blogger, approach him cautiously and assume that he is armed. Give him a bologna sandwich (NO CRUSTS!) and a rubber chicken and apply cool compresses to his genitals immediately.


Cary said...

I vote sex. It's always about sex.

Harmony said...

LMAO..I went by his blog yesterday. WTF?!?!

I just love the thought of random strangers approaching him and applying cool compresses to his genitals while handing him over a rubber chicken.

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

HAHA @ cary.

and bev, this post cracked me the fuck up! i'm with harmony - the mental picture of strangers applying cold compresses to his genitals made me piff my coffee.

i have emailed garritutu a few times since his disappearance and have yet to hear from him. will try again... i miss his silly ass.

PorkStar said...

abducted by aliens I must say... who wouldn't be up for some anal probes? Just sayin....: )

MtnMama said...

Sadly, I think this just confirms the reason for my proliferation of late... no sex. um, I mean, no alien abduction.

Mala said...

Should we start contacting the police, hospitals and local media? And just in case, I have a cold compress chilling in a cooler in my car at all times. Just in case. (the rubber chicken, of course, is a given)

Oh and I just had a vision of what Cary's ballot looks like at the general election. Nice to know sex got at least one vote for president in Atlanta.

Bev said...

Cary - you've got a point there, my good man!

Harmony - YAY! That was my fave part, too, though I admit I cracked myself right the fuck up on this one. Srsly.

MoFM - It's just not a good day for me unless I've made you "piff" coffee!!! WOOOHOO! Let me knowif you hear from the now infamous slacker dude!

Nobody abandons their blog and gets away with it. Not on my watch!

Porkstar - to each their own, buddy! If the aliens come to abduct me, mind if I send 'em your way?

MtnMama - that made me LOL! I don't know what my excuse for being prolific is, then. Oh yeah... never mind.

Mala - Best. Comment. EVAR!

Samsmama said...

As much as I'm all for sex, I have this weird feeling it's that the new wife wasn't down with him having a bunch of bitches on the side. I've emailed him too, and heard nada. He could take two seconds to respond. Does he? No. When I see him, he's going to need that cold compress, because I'm going to beat him in his genital region with that rubber chicken. It won't be pretty.

Stacie's Madness said...

DAMN SAMSMAMA down girl. ;)

I hope it's #1..

Bev said...

Note to self: stay on Samsmama's good side, and always answer her emails or risk being beaten by a rubber chicken about the nether region!

Stacie, me too! Ok, that's not true. I actually hope he's a time traveler.

Mary said...

If only there were a way to leave a virtual trail of chicklets for him...that would get him close enough for samsmma to kick his gentials with that rubber chicken...then we could REALLy find out what's happened!

Cary said...

He's still at the Cake concert, wondering where the F Bev and Mala are.

Bev said...

Cary, you made me snort with giggles. SNAPS!!!