Monday, June 15, 2009

It's totally me.



So, the weekend was good. On Saturday we went to our friends' house for their daughter's 6th birthday party. It was a great time, and the kids were cute in their superheroes costumes. Danny immediately became red and sweaty in his Power Ranger costume, because that is just how we are built. Any form of exertion and I am red in the face, which meant that gym class was super fun for me as a kid! It's not that I can't keep up, I've always done fine, but I look like I'm about to have a heart attack while exercising. Once again, being fair-skinned is awesome!

The Jillinator had asked us to stay after the party (for the "real party"), which meant that I had to be the lurker mom who never left. My husband showed up 3 hours late, just as the last stragglers were leaving, but I had been there the whole time. I was just starting to think maybe I shouldn't have committed to sticking around when we put the little kids to bed and busted out the wine, and then the fun began.

Jill and I had some very interesting discussions, none of which I can share. Sorry! But suffice to say that when Jill calls my cell phone, her ring tone is "Super Freak" by Rick James... and I had no idea how appropriate that choice was until Saturday night. WHOOOOO, doggy! I knew I liked that chick! We ended up hanging out on her bed, drinking our vino, for about 2 hours. The guys were downstairs shooting the shit (and maybe playing Wii, I don't really know), and we just laughed and laughed and talked about dirty, dirty things. It was awesome. Well, it was awesome right up until I got up to go to the potty and FELL OFF THE BED. Yes. And that bed was high, and the hardwood floor was hard, and I landed like a ton of bricks.

Jill's husband heard the thud and came running up the stairs (my own husband was all, "Eh, she's fine!" Nice.), and he helped me up and dusted off my wounded pride. We then gathered up our sleeping children and Jim drove us the 4 minutes back home, where I apparently took out my contacts and then immediately forgot that I'd done it, so I stood there for 10 minutes poking myself in the eye and complaining that they were stuck. The next morning, I was still convinced that they were in there somewhere, so I started poking myself again. Jeeeeeezus. It wasn't until I checked the container and saw them floating around in there that I realized I had actually succeeded in getting them out the first time. Fuuuuuck me.

My entire left side is sore as a mutha and I have a gigantic bruise forming on my hip. It's hip, shoulder, elbow. I am sooooooooo cool. (rolling eyes)

So that was Saturday.

Sunday Jim made banana pancakes for the boys and I had myself a little egg sandwich wrap, and then we just took it easy, and by "taking it easy" I mean that I hid in my bedroom and napped for quite a while. Then we drove up and met my mom at a restaurant for "lupper," and then came back home. I watched True Blood last night and it was pretty great. There was a HOT Bill & Sookie sex scene. It's official: Anna Paquin is a butterface. She was naked as a newborn last night and her body is pretty bangin', (and I say that with a solid record of heterosexuality backing me up). Too bad her face is... let's just say... errrrm.... Oh fuckit, there's no good way to say it: she's fug. But, whatever, she's still a good Sookie.

So that is that. On Wednesday Mala and I have plans to go see a real-live psychic, so I'm excited about that. We booked these appts. ages ago because this chick is so hard to see. She's apparently freaky-good. Mala's gone a bunch of times and every time her mind is BLOWN, and one of Mala's HS friends, who is a skeptic like me, went and also thought she was the real deal. I hope I like the experience! I hope she doesn't see anything awful. I don't have many skeletons in my closet but still... it should be interesting! You know I'll keep you all posted. ;-)

25 comments:

MtnMama said...

I love weekend updates. You kill me with your reports on your life. I've worn contacts for over 30 years, and LMAO at your description of trying to remove them twice. I've been there!

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

anna paquin wasn't even cute in The Piano. and she was, like 7 and shit.

i think everyone should experience a psychic reading at least once in their life. can't wait to hear about it!

Kate said...

I am convinced that I have at least two contacts floating around my head somewhere.

I can't bring myself to watch True Blood. I LOVE vampires and all that, but I think that Anna Paquin is one of the worst actresses in the entire world (along with Winona Ryder, Andie McDowell, and Drew Barrymore---yeah, I said it out loud, you wanna fight about it???) Good acting isn't a prerequisite to watching a show or a movie, but damn she's bad.

I cannot wait to hear about the psychic!! I am quite sure that it will be the post of the year!

Mala said...

You know I'm over here twitching and gagging at the thought of you trying to remove your contact twice. Ack! eye stuff makes me kibby.
Woo-hoo! Looking forward to our date tomorrow. Seriously, this woman has spooked me many times. She told me I'd be bring Beck to the Doctor about his eye shortly after we brought him home. And we all know how that ended (this is where I would put one of those cute tidy little links..but I don't know how cause I'm a loser so here: http://bringinghomebeck.blogspot.com/2007/09/were-home-and-in-er.html

Bev said...

MtnMama - Thank you, girl! Glad I'm not the only one trying to remove my own iris from time to time.

MoFM - Totally! Anna is not cute. Also, I hope the psychic is as good as everyone says. I need to hear about YOUR psychic exp., clearly. I'll email you. :)

Kate - YES! I am 100% serious here, but once I lost one and it was on the back of my eyeball forever... and it finally came out all crumpled up. It freaked me right the fuck out!

And ITA with you about those actresses. I still like Drew b/c she's my age and when I was younger I adored her in ET and Irreconsilable Differences (yes, I watched a movie about divorce when I was a kid... many times... and loved it). Also, I saw her naked in Playboy when I was in college, and I like naked people.

Mala - HEH! I know. EYEBALLZ, woooooo! Also, tomorrow is Tuesday. Just FYI. ;)

And, allow me: Google that shit! .

Courtney said...

Yup did the contact thing this weekend as well....
Have done the same stupid shit falling out of bed... I'll share my bruise story with you tomorrow - It's CLASSIC!!!!! (stupidity that is)

Mala said...

Ugh. I thought everyone was skipping Tuesday this week. No? Just me then? Well, don't bitch at me when I get to Friday before y'all!

rkintn said...

Although I am a total skeptic when it comes to psychics and shit, I would love to go see one! I hope she tells you stuff you can share:)

I hope you get to feeling better soon. The older I get the more I worry about falling, cause I know it's gonna HURT! LOL

What is it with everyone and the fun weekends? My was so fuckin' boring, I can't even really bring myself to blog about it. lol

Samsmama said...

LMAO at your smack down to Mala. But her retort was pretty freaking good.

As a fewllow fair skinned beauty with major tendencies to falling off beds (and anything else stable), let me just say, I feel your pain. Literally. At least you remember how you got your bruises.

Cheasty said...

wow. i thought i couldn't laugh any harder than i laughed at the juxtaposition of your headline and the cartoon posted below it. until i got to the part where you took out your contacts. oh, excuse me, i think i might wet myself if i don't stop laughing and typing and run to the ladies. adioooooooo!

Samsmama said...

"fewllow"? Ok. Have another drink.

Bev said...

Courtney - bitches who bruise are the only kinds of bitches I want to hang with!

Mala - See you tomorrow! Don't forget. Tomorrow, ok? Wed. Tomorrow.

Rhonda, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll be needing a hip replacement at some point in my old age. Like, in a year or two, at this rate.

Samsmama - Pale Chicks ROOOOL! Also, who says I always remember getting my bruises? Most are purely mysterious. :D

Cheasty - thanks! And wait till you have kids. Getting to the bathroom before peeing yourself becomes a REAL challenge then. ;)

Samsmama - You came here and posted a comment while drunkus? Well, I NEVER! Oh wait, yes I have... all the fucking time. Wheeeeee!!!

Cary said...
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Bev said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cary said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bev said...

Move along, people... nothing to see here. ;-)

Mala said...

Area 43 rules! We know how to party!!!!

Yo, what's up with all the deleted posts????? incriminating evidence??

Bev said...

Mala, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Naaaah, nothing bad. A poster just got out of line and Bev had to do a smack down on 'dey ass. You've been warned, beyotches!!!

BEV SMASH!

Cary said...

Hmm, I wonder who got out of line?

Bev said...

Cary, my lips are sealed. I don't diss & tell. ;-)

Somebody needs a spanking!

OXOXO

Bev said...

Oh, and Mala... I've got your area 43 RIGHT HERE!

Samsmama said...

Ok, now that I'm "in on it", Cary's comment is pretty funny. And something tells me a spanking isn't too much of a threat for him.

Jillinator said...

hahaha - I cracked up reading this and then started blushing about my sharing, started laughing again about you falling off my bed... my memory is a little fuzzy so I'm guessing that I spent more time laughing than helping? if so... bad me! And sorry for making you feel like a lurker mom... but if I'd let you leave you probably wouldn't have come back and, oh crap, then I'd still have secrets! Nah, wouldn't have been worth it... it was way too much fun!
Hope your bruises are healing well and that you and Mala have a great time today, um, er, tomorrow.

Bev said...

Jill, you crack me up! Having secrets is totally over-rated. Besides, you knew I'd get them all out of your vault eventually! I know the vault's combination (glug glug)!

Elliott said...

I had to Google Anna Paquin, I've never seen anything she's done. However, at least at thumbnail size, she's not bad.

And I'm glad to know my family isn't unique in our use of 'lupper', Lori always gives me a look when someone uses it.