Thursday, July 30, 2009

I'm in a baaad, bad mood.



YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.



Yeah. I'm fucking grumpy today. If I haven't stopped by your blog in a day or two and left my usual pithy and loving comments, please don't be offended. I'm just pissy as hell for no good reason. Hormones, maybe, or the phase of the moon again, or maybe I'm just overdue for a case of the grumps. IDK, but whatever it is is PISSING ME OFF.

See? Told ya. Bad mood.

Anywho, here's some stuff that is contributing to my shitty attitude. Let's do a little listy-poo, shall we?

1. My crap job is boring; I don't have enough to do, and the work I do have sucks. My boss is on vacay this week, which I usually love because I can slack off with reckless abandon and take long lunches, etc., but this week I'm just irked every time one of our asshole clients calls with one of their asshole problems. Don't even get me started on my asshole coworkers, because we'd be here all day. Why don't I go get a new job? Because I fear change, and I'm lazy and unmotivated and have no career ambition anymore, that's why. I honestly think I am meant to be an heiress or socialite or something, because all I want to do is have a good time. Stupid life.

2. We have two car payments at the same bank. I sent one check in with two payment coupons, one for each loan. I wrote in the exact amount on each slip, AND I wrote the account numbers in the memo of the check. I got a note the other day saying we were late on one of the loans, so clearly the idiots applied it all to just one loan and nothing to the other. Stupid jerks.

3. My husband is going to his college buddy's (2nd) wedding on Labor Day weekend. It's in Oregon. Has he booked a flight or done anything other than commit to going? Nope. I just checked for him and the flights are all over $500 and don't work for his schedule. When I told him, he got all annoyed and tried looking himself, then said, "Ugh. I'll just do this later when you're home to help me." Goddamn it! I just helped you! I just looked, just now, and told you what I saw! Which was nothing! So now I get to look forward to figuring this out for him when I get home later, and to paying out the ass for him to go across the country to get drunk with his old friends while I do something super fun and glamorous that weekend.

What will I be doing, you may wonder? Well, I will be driving myself, my two children, and my mother to New York for my grandmother's funeral, that's what. WOOT! Party in the minivan! Jealous? Yeah, I thought so.

4. Everyone keeps dying. I've been coping with the loss of my father two months ago; most days I am able to think good thoughts about him, and I find myself bringing him up in conversation a lot. "Dad always loved 'such-and-such'," or "Dad used to say, 'blah blah blah'." But the other day I found a server full of photos that I had completely forgotten about, and I found a picture of my dad laughing at a birthday party 5 years ago. My sister is at his feet, gazing up at him adoringly, and it's just such a good example of why we loved him that I lost it. I cried and cried and cried, just because I miss him. I know he's okay, I know that it was his life's plan and all that good stuff; I have peace about his passing. But I miss him and will always miss him, and that pisses me off.

5. I'm a slacker daughter who dreads calling her depressed mother because is makes me sad. I'm selfish. I do it because I must, but I drink a glass of wine to steel myself beforehand. All she talks about is cleaning out my dad's belongings, and who said what in their sympathy cards, and the business of death. I offer to drive the 2 hours up north to take her out to dinner to cheer her up, but instead I get roped into spending my Sunday cleaning out her garage. FUCK. MY. LIFE.

6. It's humid. So humid that you can't see the horizon. So humid that I can't get my rings off of my sausage fingers. So humid my straight hair is frizzing.

7. Pictures from yesterday's beach trip reveal troubling truths about the state of my upper thighs. Skirted bathing suits, here I come. What's next? MuuMuus?

8. I snapped at my husband the other night and hurt his feelings. I apologized, and he is fine, but I still feel like shit. I just haven't been appreciating him as much as I should be. He's a great father, and I should be more grateful.

9. Nobody around me ever shuts the fuck up. Well, almost nobody. Last night we were out to dinner with Mala & her family, and it suddenly dawned on me why she and I get along so well. We were in the middle of the table, across from each other. On one side, our children were yammering away and blowing bubbles with their milk and generally being obnoxious, on the other side, our husbands were blabbing away about some boring shit, and she and I were just sitting there eating our salads. I looked across the table at her and grinned, and she grinned back.

Sometimes, you don't have to talk. Sometimes, you can just sit there and fucking eat and not fucking TALK. She gets it.

10. I am an idiot who didn't put on enough sunblock yesterday, so now I'm Lobster Girl. WTF is wrong with me? I managed to keep my children from burning, but I am now sporting a ridiculous halter-shaped sunburn which hurts like holy hell. I've been rubbing the lotion on its skin, but it's not helping so far. Goddamn me.

I could keep going, I'm that grumpy, but I'll stop now. Ten reasons to be peeved are more than enough. This too will pass; my bad moods don't typically last more than a day or two, but right now I'm going to keep wallowing.

20 comments:

laurieliz said...

10 Reasons to get out of your Grump-ASS Funk!

1. I am coming home tomorrow!!!! And we are all going to have Yummy Sushi and drink wine and laugh about all my old lady stories!

2. We are gonna have a kick-ass time in Bahston! We are gonna get all dolled up and hit the star spangled gay club and dance the night away and act really naughty! Glitter, extensions, false lashes....what could not be fun in that?

3. You have ROCK STAR hair...and if its frizzy than its still a hell of a lot cuter than many o mum dos I see!!!!!

4. I have lost 7 friggin pounds while on vacation....walking/ running/ biking and u r coming with me when I get home! "Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands"

5. Your time at the office should be spent workin on that damn book! You are smart, talented and funny and people will want to read what you write (just look on here). Besides, I wanna brag about my best selling BFF!

6. February Vacation, Baby! Make the menfolk tend the chilluns and head to Ybor City for some crazy time!

7. Bella's Birthday Bash! Yes, kids party, running around, watersliding, squirt gun fights, HUGE water balloon fight (kids against the adults- payback for tantrums!!!!)...AND afta party with the "cool people"

8. I hear a lot about this trip to LA LA Land! Mala and Bev on the prowl for hot and no-so-hot celebs. What can be more fun than that!

9. "New Moon" is coming out in November...need I say more?

And, finally, 10. Columbus Day weekend, slots, sluts, and shows...

Sounds like you got the life, grrl!

Frank Irwin said...

Maybe you just need a good spanking.

Oh, wait. I thought you said you'd been a baaad bad girl. Never mind.

I get into bad moods for little or no reason, every once in a while, myself. The worst thing that someone can do is to try to cheer me up.

Let your husband make his own travel arrangements. Maybe he just doesn't want to go all that badly.

Organic Meatbag said...

Yes Bev, it shall indeed pass and you are going to be the life of the party again...no mumus for you...rock stars party naked! Hahahah!

Stacie's Madness said...

ha. well...we all have our days...

laurieliz said...

2 quick things...On number 10, when I say sluts, I totally mean us, hook-ah....;)

AND, I noticed your post was at 11:11. So make a wish!

Bev said...

Laurie - you rule! That list is awesome and it DID make me feel better. THANK YOU! I'm going to print that bad boy out and refer to it from time to time. ;-)

Franky - thanks for the chuckle, m' man! I think a good spanking might help, actually.

Believe me, I want to let my husband do his own travel plans, but something tells me if I did he'd end up going through Guam or something. Also, there's no way he'd miss this wedding; he hasn't seen his buddies in years, and it gets him out of a long car trip AND a family function. It's win, win.

OM - thanks, buddy! You're right, it will pass... and you're right about the naked partying. Just ask LAURIE!

Stacie - true 'dat.

Laurie - I'd make a wish... but I have no idea what I'd even wish for anymore. *sigh*

And of course we're the sluts in question!! Yeah, baby.

Samsmama said...

Years ago I accidentally sent my $700 rent check, addressed to my landlord, to the power company, and vice versa. Fucking company cashed it and left me screwed for a bit. Bitch landlord not only didn't feel bad for me, she charged me a late fee. And she had terrible gas whenever I saw her.

I was a raging bitch to my husband yesterday and felt terrible about it after he left for work. It happens.

And did I miss something? When did your grandmother die? Or does that weekend just work out for everybody? If so, watch your back, Grandma!

Cheer up, buttercup!

*big jugs*

Kristen said...

That fucking sucks...and I am sorry. And LaurieLiz knows what she's talking about!

Can I just say I thought your closing words said "I'm going to keep swallowing!" Yep. I had to reread that one!

Organic Meatbag said...

Is this true, LaurieLiz? Can I trust you? Do you smell like lemons?

Bev said...

Samsmama - Gassy bitchy landlady. Eff her! Thanks for reassuring me that we all have our bitchy-wife moments. I do so try to be agreeable most of the time, I really do....

Oh, and as I told you in my email, my family are like the Jacksons. We keep 'em on ice for a few months until we're good & ready to bury our dead. It's just how we dooooo.

Kristen - swallowing is the least of my worries, but sure, I'll keep that up, too.

OM - Oh, you can trust Laurieliz with anything. ANY. THING. Trust me on that one.

Also, she smells like vanilla and grapefruit. Truth!

Mary said...

well holy hell....you ARE in a bad mood!
And I happen to think you have every reason to be.
I know just what you mean about all the talking...and they're always talking at me!
Now I'm in a bad mood :(

onebadmamajama said...

BTDT, buy the t-shirt every friggin' month! LOL This to shall pass:) Till then wallow away, girlfriend!

raskal said...

I was all set to offer hugs and words of encouragement, and then right at the end you had me laughing out loud at "I've been putting the lotion on its skin" and I just cannot gather anything together to say except you are so goddamn funny and I wish we could fucking. HANG. OUT.

Mala said...

Oh Bevers. So sorry you've been forced into a bad mood. Here's my feeble attempt to find silver linings...

1. it provides a paycheck and plenty of blog fodder.

2. at least you don't work with this dumbass! And I'm down for a roadtrip to find this fucker and open a can of whoopass!

3. make his travel arrangments and "accidently" book it for LA AND in your name... then let me know when to meet you at the airport.

4. hmmmm... silver lining... your Dad was and is wonderful. Someone like that will ALWAYS be missed.

5. your not a slacker daughter at all. Helping your Mom cope in whatever way she feels will get her through (even schlepping up to VT to slave away), makes you an awesome daughter.

6. It's not cold and raining. Embrace the 'fro. I'm sure you're rockin' it.

7. You looked FAB yesterday! Good times! You get the gold medal for rockin' the cleav as well!

8. I snap at my husband daily. If he didn't say/do dumb shit, I wouldn't have to snap. And I think snapping was in the vows somewhere.

9. We did have a moment, didn't we? I thought so.

(and seriously, as I tried writing this Joe is yapping away in my ear and I'm this fucking close to saying STFU!!!!!)

10. Red is totally your color. Besides, what with all the cleav shots yesterday, who had time to apply sunblock? not I!

Kick back have a bottle of vino. Tomorrow is another day.
Love ya!

Brooklyn ML said...

I kind of feel like everyone left such great comments, that there's nothing left for me to say! But here's a list for you...

1) You rock.
2) You've got great hair.
3) You've got good boobs.
4) You rock a minivan.
5) You rock.
6) You rock.
7) Your family rocks.
8) Your dad loves you.
9) Your mom loves you.
10 You freakin' rock!

Scope said...

Send him via:
1) Train. Not AMTRAK. Toss his @$$ on a freight train, old school.

2) Human Cannonball

Kate said...

One of my favorite lines from Calvin and Hobbes has always been, "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." I was always so good at that. Sometimes you just need to bitch, moan and complain, and it's nice to know that your friends (tangible or blogosphere) will still love you. And we do.

Would seeing my white, saggy titties help your mood? I love the word titties...it's so gross.

Bev said...

THANK you all so much!! You all cracked me up!!

Love you all.
oxoxoxox

Cary said...

No one around me ever shuts the fuck up.

BWAHHHHAAAAAHAHAHAHAH!

Bev said...

Sorry, Cary, can't hear ya. Earbuds.