Monday, July 20, 2009

MILFs take Manhattan

AKA: The only celebs we saw were made of wax, we can put away a ridiculous quantity of wine, and Bev gives good Crazy Eyes.

What a weekend! Yes, we had fun. Yes, I am exhausted. Yes, I am back at work today. Ugh.

I won't bore you with every nitty-gritty detail, and since we took our usual ass-load of pictures, I'll let them tell the tale, mmkay?

Here we are, fresh-faced but poorly-rested, in my driveway before embarking on our journey. We made excellent time, btw, and hit NO traffic thanks to my mad navigating skillz. We made one 30 minute pit-stop to pick up some (ok, six) bottles of wine, but the driving time was 4.5 short hours door-door. Yay!

We arrived at our hotel and inexplicably got upgraded to a room with a better view. Our room rocked! We could see Times Square, the New Year's Eve ball, and the Chrysler Building (of course, I had to argue with Mala for a good 10 minutes over whether it was the Chrysler Bldg or the Empire State, and she STILL didn't believe me until my friend from NYC verified it later. Sheesh!)

We kicked off our weekend by opening some wine! We had ourselves a lovely time, and time flew by because before we realized it, we'd been sitting around in the hotel room for over two hours and we were late for our first celebrity meet & greet. Guess who we met for drinks?

Infamous blogger extraordinaire, PorkStar, AKA: Ball Sweat:


Yes, he's a very nice man and we had a very giggly and blurry conversation with him in the hotel bar. Wine was spilled, and for a change it wasn't ME who did the spilling. WOOT! About 30 minutes later, we remembered that we hadn't eaten since breakfast and Mala knows that you need to feed The Bev regularly or risk getting your head bitten off, so she unceremoniously stood up and blurted out, "We need to go get Bev some dinner. It was great meeting you!" And off we went into the night.

HEE! Now, let it be known... this was MY time to shine. I am not sure if I've ever seen Mala so partied out (ok, yes I have, but work with me here, people). In keeping with the theme of the weekend, I got to be the dude in our relationship again; she took my arm and I guided her through the crowded streets and found us a very nice restaurant (the name of which will become known to us when we see it on our credit card statement), AND I ROCKED IT. She doesn't remember much of the stroll, but it ended with us drinking water and eating a big plate of starch. Mmm, that's good starch. Mala made sure to document the fact that we were drinking water.

After dinner, Mala was still a little spinny, so we went back to the hotel. And stayed there. (SMACKING FOREHEAD) Yes, we were partied out and tucked into our beddy-bies by 8:30 PM. Do we know how to party or WHAT?!

We started fresh the next day and went out and had bagels in Times Square, went to the cheap ticket stand and got tickets to see a play, and then hit one of our favorite places, Madame Toussard's Wax Museum. We almost got kicked out of the one in L.A., so as soon as we saw that there was one here we were on it like white on rice! I'm not sure if you know this about us, but we are kind of silly girls. Heee.... News Flash!

WE HAD A BLAST. The pics speak for themselves, but there are so many I'll just share the truly special ones.

You get the idea. :)

We went and saw Mama Mia that afternoon. It was... okay. I like theatre, so I like watching a live production no matter what, but this one was kind of dumb. The actors were talented (aside from the lead, whom we both thought was a bit over the top) and it was a slick production, so we enjoyed it. The story was la-haaaaaame, though. After the show, we booked it back to the hotel to meet up with my old college buddy, the lovely and talented Maeghan!

This pic would rock if it weren't for that ONE STRAY HAIR on my forehead.

We had a ball! Before we knew it, we'd managed to spend another couple of hours in our hotel room laughing with Maeghan and drinking champagne and more vino. We got pretty silly. And of course, we took pictures.

I told you it was the Chrysler Building!

Show me: Sexy Face!

Show me: "I'm thinking about dinner" face (we were really hungry!):

Show me: Angry! Grrrrr!

Show me: SMILE!

Eventually Mala's old college buddy Jason showed up with his brand new girlfriend, Bhani. We drank more wine. (SMACKING FOREHEAD) Then we took to the streets and went to a nice little Italian restuarant, where the waiter kept giving us free shit. First it was "While-you-wait-wine" on the street while they readied our table.

Then he brought us free dessert and cognac after the meal. Go figure!

After dinner Maeghan took her leave (speaking of partied OUT...ahem) and the rest of us went back to Jay's apartment and hung out for a bit on their rooftop.

Then they stuffed us into a cab and sent us back to the hotel, and we stood in Times Square at 2 AM for a bit:

Sunday was quite relaxed. We took a little tour but got bored and bailed somewhere in SoHo. They let us off to go get a greasy slice of pizza and we ditched 'em and had a lovely lunch at an outdoor French bistro instead. Ha. See ya, suckas!

The weather was gorgeous, and as usual, I couldn't ask for better company than Malomatic. It was great catching up with some old friends and making new memories. We will be back. ;-)


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...


For the amount of gratuitous cleavage shots in this post, I think I owe someone some dollars.

I'll get on that right after my cold shower.

Glad you all had a good time. I hear that you mastered the art of interdemensional teleportation while in the Big City. Kudos.

Frank Irwin said...

I didn't know that the Backstreet Boys did drag.

And, don't you know that you're not supposed to tug on Superman's, um...oh, wait. You're not supposed to tug on his cape, so I guess you're ok, there.

Looks like y'all had a great time.

Elliott said...

I'm with mjenks, wine-drinkin' hotties who rock the cleavage rule!

And I completely get the 'must feed Bev' syndrome. Lori gets hungry, and if I ignore that for too long, hungry becomes 'Angry Hungry', as in "bad things are going to happen, and it's too late to stop it" hungry.

If we ever make it to NYC, we definitely need to make plans ahead of time to meet with you and Mala. You make wax museums fun!

Mala said...

Good times Bevers!!!!! Another fabulous trip. You rawk, sista!

So shall we start planning our next tour stop??? I think our first stop is at Mjenks to go collect that dollar, yes?

Courtney said...

Looks like you had a blast.... but I couldn't enjoy all of your pictures because wax things creep me the fuck out!!!!!

PorkStar said...

Oh my God I laughed so hard at that pic of you and Superman LMAO, i had tears rolling down my face...

Good lord this was a funny post and you guys are freaking awesome and i'm so glad I got to meet you and will remember me forever for spilling the wine, almost all over your purse.

I might have ended up being your breakfast right there, and not in a way i might had wanted... head choppped off and all... lol

Kate said...

I might have to buy a new computer monitor since I spit all over it when I saw the picture of Mala wiping the shit off of Gorby's head. Hysterical!!

I am so glad you had a wonderful time, consumed much wine and met up with some pretty kick-ass people!

I also have to commend Frank on his Superman comment. He's so good.

Stacie's Madness said...

wow. totally jealous, i want to go to NY with my friend...

so glad you had a great time.

Mala said...

Elliott - We make root canals fun! WOOT!

Bev - Joe can't figure out why his car reeks of fried chicken! *snicker*

Porkstar - So glad you didn't find us to be rude, cock-eyed, giggling drunks. So sweet of you.

Harmony said...

I love you guys for your wax museum fun! Although, I SO wish I could've been there. *pouts* Great post Bev.

Bev said...

Indy Mjenks - HA! You can always count on cleavage here on my blog. You're welcome. ;-)

Franky - You know, they don't call him the "Man of Steel" for nothin'. That wax figure was SURPRISINGLY LIFE-LIKE!

Elliott - I like Lori already! And, I think we need to have a little Blogger Convention soon, hmmmmm?

Mala - Yes, time to start planning another excursion! I'm just not happy unless I have something to look forward to. Other than Sir Paul and the sex toy party, that is.

Courtney - some of those figures are fuh-reaky! Mala and I both stood there for 5 minutes waiting for this one chick with a camera to get out of our way... then we realized she wasn't real. Sheepish!

PorkStar - Ya know we liked you because we didn't KILL you for spilling my wine! I'm just glad you missed my lucky jeans or there would have been hell. to. pay.

Oh, and feel free to tell everyone how hot we are, ok? :)

Kate - I know! That's probably my fave of the bunch, too!!

Stacie - see above. Blogger Convention. Who's with me?!

Harmony - when mala and I come back to L.A. you are coming to meet us. RIGHT?!

Kari said...

Love the pics! I'm glad you ladies had such a great time.

The wax statue of Julia Roberts?
Hell to the no.

The wax statue of Johnny Depp?
Hell to the yes. I would have melted that thing down to a nub with all the dry humping.

Kristen said...

Okay. I love your wax museum pics. I admit I wouldn't have the balls to do all those poses. I thought they had ropes around all those freaky peeps. Though I am wondering where your lighter pic is.

It's amazing how much you can do in NY without a two and a half year old in tow.

Cary said...

I never wanted to be Superman until now.

Nice pics. Some of them frighten me.

Mala said...

See Bev!!!! I told you dry humping Johnny Depp's leg would be totally acceptable!

LOL! 'lighter picture'! How is it possible that never occured to us? DAMN!

Samsmama said...

Wow, looks like you guys had an awesome time! Not that there was ever any doubt. And you met up with Pork? Love it!

The look on TaMala's face when she's handing Oprah money is priceless! And way to work the stripper pole, Bevalicious!

onebadmamajama said...

That wax museum was freaky, yet suprisingly amusing LOL I bet NYC will NEVER be the same again:)

Brooklyn ML said...

I'll take a dollar for a peek at my bosom anytime! Such fun we had!!! You two are welcome in my 'hood anytime, you crazy bizzzznatches.

Mary said...

wow- I'm jealous- but it looks like you took NYC by storm!
8:30 the first night? I thought i might be bale to hang with you two- then I saw the rest of the photos...oh the drinking! the hunger!
I'd have never made it :)

Bev said...

Kari - You know I am virtually humping YOUR leg because of your hilarious comment!! ROFL!

Kristen - cannot believe I didn't think of the lighter thing!!! (smacking forehead!)

Cary - Scaring is caring. And you are super, man. ;-)

Mala - next time!

Samsmama - Oh, that wasn't my first time on the pole. Heh.

Rhonda - we make sure to leave cities slightly askew when we leave. It's our thing.

Maeghan - it takes a crazy bizznatch to know one, lady!! YOU FUCKING ROCK, Tits McGee!

Mary - ya see, the less we eat, the less we need to drink! We're just frugal, is all. ;-)

Oh, but come hang with us anyway! We'd let you raid the mini bar & have some $17 cashews!

calicobebop said...

Oh. My. GAWD! Next time you do a road trip - come and visit ME! You look like you had such a blast! What a great time!!