Monday, July 27, 2009

What the DAMN?

What in the name of Skeletor has happened to Madonna?



I know, I know, this isn't news. But jeepers, it's gotten worse, am I right? I think Madge has finally done it; she is now freakier looking and more buff than Iggy Pop. And that's sayin' something.

As a largely inactive sloth-type human, I used to admire Madonna for her athleticism and drive. However, as she ages and becomes more and more comprised of straining tendons & bulging muscles, I am starting to think that there is an argument to be made for softness.



I am 100% sure that when (God willing!) I am 50 years old, I will look nothing like Madonna. For one thing, I don't plan on having Botox, face lifts, or chemical peels, so I'm pretty sure I'll have the standard lines and wrinkles going on. Also, I don't see myself becoming a triathlete or using steroids any time soon, so most likely I'll have some (more) junk in my trunk and arms that look like they belong to a woman and not a cartoon superhero. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Ok, enough about Madge and her scrawny man-arms. I really do need to start working out again. It has now been a year since I went to the gym with any sort of regularity. That doesn't count the spurts I'll sometimes have when I'll go for a week or two and feel awesome about it and have visions of being super in-shape and toned.... Until I get bored or my mp3 player repeats the same songs too many times and I get pissed off so I stop going (true story). My weight is stable in a not-horrible but not-great gray area that matches my whole laissez-faire attitude pretty well, but I do have visions of finally shedding those 15 lbs I've had since... well, forever.

But anyway. I'll stop now, because I'm getting depressed. The good news is that I can still race my kid when we're running for a water slide, I can still climb the 4 flights of stairs to gain access to those slides, and the ol' bod still does alright under most circumstances, even if I do feel it more the next day.

So I'll STFU now and count my blessings. At least I don't have man arms.

17 comments:

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Seems as though A-Rod was injecting her with more than just his meat hypodermic.

not MoFM said...

...man arms, or MAN HANDS.

i love the madonna/iggy pop comparison.

my sister (11yrs older than you and me) has started making threats of Botox. thing is, she's a triathlete and has never smoked a day in her life. she looks 10yrs younger than she is. i told her i will disown her if she chooses Botox. and if i hear one word about the kaballah (sp?) or pilates, i'll shiv a bitch.

calicobebop said...

Holy Crap she is hella scary - please say she is still human!

Also, I seem to have the same gym etiquette - sporadic at best. I vow to do better!

The Peach Tart said...

That is taking it too far. She doesn't even look feminine anymore.

Put down the weights and eat a big bowl of pasta.

Millennium Housewife said...

I am so looking forward to being fifty and letting the softness all hang out. Ahhh imagine loosening that belt.

PorkStar said...

Madona's look is scary, holy cow... !

You look fine to me by the way... with the extra 15 lbs and whatever lol.. i need those extra 15 by the way. I gained them on liquor a few months ago but i lost them. I should hit the bar more often rather than the gym.

Muah!

Mala said...

Since you were unfortunately on the other end of the phone when I opened this post, you already know my reaction. My eyes! My eyes!
But seriously, I hate that bitch so it's all good that she's gone all freakish and mutant.

Kate said...

That is disgusting. I don't see how any man could find that attractive.

Iggy Pop is a repulsive little man. I had the opportunity to stand about five feet from him backstage at a concert. My 5'1" frame towered over the wee little man.

Word verf: poopusn--no comment.

Stacie's Madness said...

man arms means one thing....

eh, yeah, I don't know either.

girl, get your workout on, but personally, I think you look fabulous just as you are!

Frank Irwin said...

Ugh.

Bev said...

mjenks - BWAH!!! Hot beef injection, anyone? Make mine a double!

notMoFM (heh heh!!) - Man hands!! "You've got something on your face... here, let me get it." LOL!!!

Ugh, and I hate it when skinny fabulous people want to be skinnier and fabulous-er. Shiv a bitch, indeed.

Calico - I'm not so sure about the human part. I think she started drinking the blood of virgins and sleeping in a coccoon about a decade ago.

PT - exactly! If anyone needs carbs, it's Madonna.

MH - Ha, yes! I believe I've gotten a head start in that dept. I let it all hang out pretty much daily. Ahhhhhh.

PorkStar - You are a sweetie! Thx, bro. I would gladly give you my 15 lbs. I would even throw in an extra 5 just 'cuz I like ya!

Mala - yes, my ear is still ringing from your exclamation! Such a strong reaction! :D

Kate - Seriously, you are taller than Iggy Pop at 5'1"?! That's insane!

Stacie - You're awesome for saying so, thank you!!!

Frank - Yeah.

Brooklyn ML said...

Maybe she's carrying something that's making her arms look like a Halloween costume? Ewwwwww.

onebadmamajama said...

I guess Guy may have been right when he said bop her was like boppin' a piece of gristle LOL

There is something to be said for being a little fluffy!:)

Kristen said...

Not the gym! What about muffin sweat? Oh wait. You already have that. Madonna has gotten quite freakish. Can you say compulsive?

Cary said...

She's so vein.

You look fab.

Mary said...

you know, I've always thought- I never want to be one of those old 'soft' ladies...the ones that look like all the edges are rounded?
Yeah- well your post just cured me of that thought! Yikes! She is sceeery..p.s. that photo of Marge is from a great Simpson's episode :)

Bev said...

Maeghan - Right? Like two 20 lb anvils in each hand?

OBMJ - Exactly! Fluffy is more comfy than boney. :)

Kristen - You make an excellent point. I do hate it when my muffin gets sweaty... hmmm.

Cary - yuk yuk!! And thank you!!

Mary - one of my fave Simpsons episodes, for sure!