Wednesday, July 15, 2009

You say it's your birthday?

Yeah, I do, 'cuz it IS!

Yes, today is ma' b-day. I've always liked my actual birth date because it's right smack dab in the middle of the summer, and since I was born in 1975 (don't cry, older readers... you are still ridiculously cool and hip), my birth date has all kinds of 7's and 5's, which I dig. Why? IDK. I just do.

Today I'm heading out early to have some girly time with the Hot TaMala. We're going shopping for some fetch new duds for the BFE this weekend, then lunch will be prepared for us (instead of us smearing pb&j on wheat for our ungrateful offspring like most days), and then of course, there is wine to be consumed and mani/pedi-"only for you, baby!"- pink fizzy drinks in vibrating chairs to enjoy.

So, it's a full day. Which is why I actually wrote this post yesterday and scheduled it to post today. Because I am clever like that. Like a FOX, I tell you.

Ok, Birthday stuff. Three questions. I'll share, you share, ok?

1. Who shares your b-day?

My cousin Michael:

Seen here sporting serious (no-talent assclown) Michael Bolton hair (that's a perm -- I'm serious) AND a string-tie, at some family gathering in the 80's. He's exactly 10 years older than I am. We don't talk, which is a shame, because I have a feeling we'd totally get along. He recently requested my friendship on FB and then went underground, so now I suspect he's just reading my stuff and not contributing his own -- which. I. HATE.

My cyber buddy Lisa:

I'm no stranger to making friends online. I've been fortunate enough to meet lots of them over the years, and it's always nice to find that you get along as well IRL as you do online. Lisa is a kindred spirit who lives waaaaaaay out in North Dakota, so I haven't had a chance to meet her yet. We were born on the same day/year, have kids the same ages, have many lifestyle similarities, and share many, many, many Cancer the Crab quirky qualities. I look forward to someday hanging with her live & in person. For her part, she knows that when that day comes, I might be so excited that I hump her leg a little bit, and she's okay with that. See? Told you she was cool.

2. Most memorable b-day(s):
When I was 12 I spent the day riding my bike with a friend. It was beautiful and sunny, and even as a kid I recognized that this was the kind of day that one needs to stop and be grateful for. I remember riding down a dirt road, grinning wildly, eyes streaming, sun on my face, wind in my hair (this was before we wore helmets for everything, so gimme a break). I was euphoric! Then, I spun out on a corner and landed in a pile of dog shit.

That was the exact moment when I realized that life was going to be a wild ride punctuated with moments of intense emotion and the occasional pile of shit.

Second most memorable? My 20th birthday, in which we had a giant party in a tiny apartment. Fireman Sam would not be happy about this one, because we had people crammed in shoulder-shoulder. There was a GD band set up in the corner of our living room, which was roughly the size and shape of a shoebox. I was in my element; life o' the party. I enjoyed myself, and I enjoyed a few others, too. It rocked... right up until the cops came and my drunk-ass roommates sent me out to talk to them. Then, it rocked again when I sweet talked 'em into leaving us alone.

"Yes, ociffers. I am presently both drunk AND high... but it's my birfday! So what if I'm only turning TWENTY and not TWENTY-ONE? Details, details."

To this day, I still have no clue what I said to them to make them leave.

3. Favorite b-day & why:

This one. I'm an optimist, and hope springs eternal. My 33rd year ended with a wimper and a couple of sucker punches (yes, I'm talking about Michael Jackson), so I'm ready to start fresh. Thirty-four is going to be the year of the MILF!

Gotta go... there's ice cream cake in the freezer! ICE CREAM CAKE!


Mary said...

I'm first to comment!
i mean, happy birthday :)
and man that whole bike ride/dog shit story certainly was the ultimate foreshadowing for life, huh.

Samsmama said...

Happy Birthday, Milf Muffin!

Mad props for getting the police off your case. AWESOME!

Stacie's Madness said...

holy fucky shit, this is FANTASTIC.

happy happy birthday!!!

My bday is 7/5/74, i love it. Cause there's always fireworks on my birfday and by fireworks I do mean the ones in the sky.

happy birthday you sweaty MILF Muffin (to steal Boob Sweat's nm for ya)!!

This is our YEAR hooker!

Harmony said...

Happy Birthday Bev...enjoy your day with Mala!!

onebadmamajama said...

Happy Birthday! I hope you have a Fantabulous Day! You deserve it:)

Elliott said...

Happy Birthday! I don't have birthdays anymore, they're always a disappointment. To make matters worse, the only people I've known to share my birthday are an ex-boss who LOVED her birthday and another co-worker.

Most memorable birthday - My 15th, which was also Mother's Day AND the day of my girlfriend's confirmation. My father was so upset that I'd want to spend time away from my mother on HER day that they didn't speak to me at all. Wearing white pants and a white checked shirt (I know, I was fly in 1986) I spewed fruit punch all over myself and my girlfriend when I realized it wasn't my drink. This birthday was the main reason I no longer celebrate.

MtnMama said...

Happy Birthday Bev girl!
You are still a puppy, and your MILF stuff is cracking me UP, but rock on, sista! I LOVE, love, love your attitude about your self and your life and your birthdays. From my perspective, high on the mountaintop of ancient old age, I must say that we share that belief... it keeps getting better. And it does.

Enjoy your badass birthday you wonderful creature!

Courtney said...

Vibrating chairs and booze for your birthday... what more could you ask for.

Love the story about the dog shit...

Hope you have a fantastic birthday.

Kate said...

Happy 34th! You were already a MILF, at least from the pictures I have seen.

calicobebop said...

Hellz yeah! MILF STYLE!

Better not let Samsmama's son know... He's into the Milfs. :)

Happy Birthday!

travellinbaen said...

Loud party, drunk underage kids, a band, neighbors....the cops come and you "sweet talk" them into leaving? Is that what the kids are calling it these days????

But I digress, Happy Birthday, get your leg hump on, and relish the time in that chair.

Kate said...


Happy Birthday my friend! Have a great birthday.

You are def a MILF!

Frank Irwin said...

Happy Birthday, Sweetums!

raskal said...

Happy Birthday, Bev. You are awesome & thanks for the shout out. I really do love you! I hope this year is fantastic. I called last year my "christ year" since I was 33... so I need a good tagline for this year. Can you help? ;)

Harmony said...

Okay this song has been in my head ALL day now.

Samsmama said...

"Lay it on me, Stringbean." Is that new? I'm giggling quit hard.

Check Harmony out, linking like a pro. I so don't get that.

And that's a good song. I've that "You say it's your birthday, it's my birthday, too" in my head all day.

The boob on the far left really disturbs me for some reason.

Why did I come back to comment? I have no clue.

Samsmama said...

Ok, so I wasn't logged on and was having to do so. It kept telling me my password was wrong. And so I kept retyping it:


Then I finally realized I was trying to sign in as "m waner", which also made me laugh.

Stacie's Madness said...

or the go shorty it's yo birfday

cause I can booty shake, that's all.

Mala said...

Fabulous day Bevers! But here's the amended birthday recap:

No pink fizzy wine - boooo. hissss.
Still had vibrating chairs - Yay!

Had yummy sushi - YAY!
We only had 10 minutes to eat it - Boooooo

And only ONE glass of wine!!!

I owe you big time this weekend!

Hope your ice cream cake is everything you dreamed it could be!!!

Jillinator said...

Happy Birthday!!!! Glad you're having some girly time :)


1-my sister Erika (5 yrs younger... not twins - I call her every year to sing "you say it's your birthday.... da-na-naa-na-na-na-na-naa"), my Uncle Jack (yes, why I'm named Jill), my friend Mark (he's a yr younger), and HS classmate Tony Millanazo (no idea what he's up to now)

2-my 5th... I was TICKED that my Mom wasn't there and didn't want a sister (I'm much nicer now), or my 21st... at least the beginning of it while I was still somewhat sober

3-all of them - can't choose because I LOVE my b-day

again... Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bev said...

Mary, Mary - Yes! I knew right then... I was in for it.

Samsmama - Thx, girly! It's been a talent of mine, fo' sho'. If the law comes a'knockin', I'm your girl.

Stacie - Happy belated birthday!!

Harmony & Rhonda - Thanks, sweet girlies!

Elliott - LMAO!! Punch on white pants? Hawt. Also, you made me laugh, so thank you for that b-day gift!

MtnMama - have I told you lately that I love you? Cuz I totally do. :)

Courtney - thanks, lady! The vibrating chair was everything I hoped it would be... and more.

Kate - You're also adorable, and pictures don't lie, honey! You can join my MILF club any. day.

Calico - LOL!!! Right! And Stink's a cutie, so... DIBS!

Baen - Hey! You callin' me... hmmm... what are you callin' me? Eh, never mind. Cops left, and that's all I could ask for! Thanks for the b-day wishes!

Kate - Thx, girlfriend! Takes a MILF to know one!!

Frank - thank you too, snookums.

Lisa - Not sure I can top "Christ year," but I'll do my best. Let me think on it!

Harmony - you are the grooviest chick ever! Love that song!!

Samsmama - LMGDAO! LOVE YOU! Ok, where to start. "ILOVECOCK" is your pw? Perfect, you m waner, you.

Oh, and the boob on the far left totally disturbed me TOO! How funny is that?! I was like, "Hmmm, heaven help me if my tit every showed up on the interwebz looking all stretched and fonked-up like that chick's does!"

And yes, "Lay it on me, Stringbean is new." I was wondering who would be the first to "get" that one!! You win - shocking!

Stacie - Love it! Drop it like it's hot, mama.

Mala - yes, we def. need a more leisurely day with no kidlets to collect. Whenever could we get such a lovely day or three...? OH YEAH, this WEEKEND! WOOT!

Jilly - thanks! Also, your parents really liked getting it on in November, huh? What? Just sayin'!

Kristen said...

Happy birthday! And vibrating what? Oh...chair. Sure...

1. Pat Benatar and Julia Sweeney. That says a lot about me :)

2. Most memorable...6 years old. I got the barbie cowgirl plastic hat and chaps! I was cool!

3. My fave b-day will be 35. It has to be good...or I'll get suicidal...cross my fingers.

Mala said...

Oh we were supposed to answer questions? Clearly, I'm not paying attention.

1. Joey Kramer from Aerosmith, one of the princes, I think the older, cuter one. And the first day of summer.

2. most memorable - my 5th, I got my first pony, all wrapped in bows and ribbons. And my 31st, partying it up like rockstars w/ the Bev. 33 wasn't bad either, hanging in LA with a certain film maker.

3. The 3 listed above. boo-yeah!

Bev said...

Kristen - Awesome! I was a huge Barbie fan, too! My fave was a Hawaiian Barbie with long black hair. She was exotic. ;-)

Mala - au contraire, mon frere. (hee) I think the youngest of the princest is the cutest! Harry the redhead, all the way. William looks like a cross between a camel and a horse, IMHO.

And yes, those b-days were spectacular! Here's to many more good 'uns spent together!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know how to rope me in, lady. Talk about some milfs, and I'm back begging for more.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and I know I mentioned something ELSEWHERE, but happy birthday. Even if it is belated!

Kari said...

Sorry I missed your birthday, Bev. I hope it was as fabulous as you are. 34? You're still a spring chicken, honey.

I share my birthday with Aretha Franklin and Elton John. That's appropriate since I am also a fat queen.

The Peach Tart said...

Happy Birthday to you. Mine was yesterday so you must be awesome.