Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Things I'm terrible at (but do anyway)

There are a bunch of things that I'm admittedly horrible at doing, yet I enjoy them so I do them anyway. I don't have any desire or wherewith all to improve in these areas; I am completely at peace with my mediocrity. As Mark says in Garden State, "I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better."

So, here's the list, fresh out of my noggin. See? It's still steaming.


I love to sing. I love music, I love lyrics, and I love Karaoke. Yeah, I have no problems getting up in front of a crowd and wowing them with my incompetence, all in the name of a good time. My voice is... not strong, in fact I tend to lose it easily. I also "can't carry a tune in a bucket," as my dad used to say (with love!). Another ingredient in this recipe of suck is the fact that when I have had a few drinks, I suddenly think I'm P!nk or Joan Jett. I commit! I shake a tail feather, and I belt it out, all the while thinking that I sound pretty damn good, and hell, I know the words so why not sing?


I love to dance. I can't hear certain songs without grooving a bit, and I love to car-dance (not in a Tawny Kitaen kind of way) and chair dance (not in a stripper kind of way, ok... sometimes). I mean, just because I'm forced to sit down does not mean that I can't bust a move.

Yet again, when alcohol is involved, shit is getting broken. I'm all about the hips/shoulder shimmy, and yeah... I make crazy Bev-faces too. Shocking, I know. I rock the "white man's overbite" from time to time, and at some point in the evening you know I'll be doing the robot. It's my go-to move.

In short, I probably look like a total ass, but I have fun. So suck it. :)


Every once in a while, I like to mess around with Photoshop for kicks. I know how to do a few things, but am kind of a jack of all tools (HEH!), master of none. Case in point - I made this one years ago when Mala and I used to play around on MySpace all the time:

Why? Because I felt like it, that's why, and it made me laugh. In fact, I still laugh whenever I see it! Should I quit My Crap Job and pursue an exciting career in graphic design? Hell no! But I love me some Photoshop.

So there it is: proof that you don't have to excel at something to find it amusing. Proof that sometimes making an ass of yourself can be fun for all involved. Further proof that I have no shame.


Organic Meatbag said...

Well Bev, I'm no good at this blogging shit, but I have fun, and I enjoy meeting awesome people like you and sharing laughs, so yes, doing whatever you want is a great thing!

The Peach Tart said...

Bev that's a good attitude. I agree you don't have to be perfect at something to enjoy it. So many people miss out on fun and growing by not getting out of their comfort zone and not doing something because they think they're not good at it.

I can't sing worth a shit but given enough margaritas, I'll belt it out.

I like to dance and am pretty good at that. My go to move is the one where you pull one leg up to your butt and rock back and forth. It never fails to make my friends crack up and pretend they don't know me.

Good for you.

Mala said...

I don't get it? Where's the photoshopped picture? All I see is last year's Christmas card.

And don't be fooled people, The Bev can rock a microphone and a dance floor! WOOT!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Really? There was no one in between P!NK and Joan Jett that you could use to illustrate your point?

Elliott said...

Doesn't 'karaoke' translate to 'loud drunken singers'? If you give it feeling, that's all that matters.

Imagine Salt n Pepa's 'Let's Talk About Sex' being read with zero feeling from the karaoke screen (imagine Lydia Mertz from 'To Die For', channelling Ben Stein in 'Ferris Bueller') in a nearly empty bar, and thinking she rocked it. This was the act I followed the one and only time I ever karaoke'd.

Good times. And I can't Photoshop to save my life, or I'd have hair in all those family photos.

Cary said...

What a coincidence, three things I suck at, too (not the only three, mind you).

But Peach is right... your attitude is perfect. Just have fun and don't give a shit, which it sounds like you already do.


New England Girl said...

I definitely am incompetent and really, really bad at all three things you listed. I refuse to sing in public, or even hum a tune, because I am THAT bad. I also do not dance, unless I've had a few drinks in me, and by then I just break out in stupid, silly dances that cause my friends to lose control of their bladders. And well, photoshop... I don't even attempt. It's too painful to see the results.

I'm glad you have no fear about doing what you enjoy though! :)

totalblammblamm said...

That is totally awesome! I also suck at singing and dancing and yet I am first on the kareoke list and on the dancefloor!

There will come a time when I am on the other side of the lawn and I will be unable to to these things at all. For now, I will do them to the best of my ability, which turns out to be badly... but dang it, I got heart and chutzpah! Sounds like you do, too!! RIGHT ON!!

Stacie's Madness said...

well...just the fact that you "think" you suck and you do it anyway makes me love you even more.

you rock my world girlfriend.

Samsmama said...

I laughed my ass off at your Tawny Kitaen reference. Dude, that's totally how I was picturing you!

I can't sing and my child once asked me to stop.

I think I can dance, but only after a few dozen cocktails. Then my talent really shines.

And I think Mala should use that for her profile picture. THAT is awesome!

Bev said...

OM - You are an awesome blogger, so don't try to front! But yeah, I love meeting all of you guys, too!

Peach Tart - Thank you! I nearly died when I read about your go-to dance move. HILARIOUS! I definitely want to see that if I'm ever in the ATL area.

Mala - Thanks for always having my back, girl! You and I are a force to be reckoned with when there's music & booze involved. No doubt!

mjenks - Whatev, smarty pants!

Elliott - Hey, you followed me at karaoke one time? Cool! Also, I'm gonna need to know what song you sang....

Cary - thanks for the affirmation. Peace out!

NE Girl - Well then, we're gonna have to get you mightily wasted before hitting the 'roake bar, huh?

TBB - Welcome! And yes, girls with heart & chutzpah ROCK! When I set up the blogging convention (working title: Blog Me Hard '10) we'll sing some Bowie together, k?

Stacie - AWWW! A tear. Thank you! You know you rock my world too!!

Samsmama - HAHAHAHA!! "Then my talent really shines." You kill me! oxox

Elliott said...

That was you?? Damn, I should have hit on you when we were both single. Yet another reason to regret 1998.

And I totally rocked 'Beds are Burning' by Midnight Oil. I finished my song and immediately announced my retirment from the karaoke game, so I could go out on top.

PorkStar said...

You are my hero, Love Muffin!

I also excel at sucking in so many of the things you mentioned, except photoshop, where my crotch suddenly ends up redesigned and huuuuge and a sign in front that says: "Oversized load".

I lose my voice fairly easy, as you noticed when you came down to NY and nothing like making an ass out of oneself when you have a few drinks... woo hoo!

That's me right there too.

The singing, though... hell no.

Mr. Condescending said...

Bev I still love you hehe

Bev said...

Elliott - HA! 1998? An excellent year... sort of. And yeah, you should have hit on me. I was kind of easy then. (KIDDING!)

PorkStar - I wanna see that Photoshop action! Buh-riiiing it!

Mr. C - Thank you! I appreciate you looking past my faults to the delicate flower that I am inside. Heeeee!

Bev said...

Oh, and I almost forgot - Elliott, I LOVE THAT SONG!

You're right to go out on that note. How could you beat it? Ya just can't.

MtnMama said...

Ah, Bevgirl, giving a shit what other people think to the point that it keeps you from doing something you enjoy or having fun is STOOPID. Life is too short to sit on the sidelines.

No one ever looks back and says, "well thank goodness I never broke a nail!"

Jillinator said...

Hooray for not giving a fuck and still doing what you love to do! You've even gotten me to do some stuff I'd have never believed possible (what? SING? into a microphone? With other people there?). Okay, so *maybe* there was a little liquid encouragement involved. Being the only little girl in my third grade class not invited to be on chorus taught me that singing just isn't my forte. Shitty music teacher, but on the other hand, like samsmama my child has asked me to not sing before... unlike her it's been more than once (but she has also asked me to sing at other times so I continue to belt out songs at home all the time)

Harmony said...

LMAO @ Samsmama My child has asked me to stop too! It burns a little doesn't it? LOL

All three things that I suck at too, although I do enjoy doing at least two of them.

Kate said...

When Aiden was 3 he told me to "hush, mama" when I was singing to him. Geez, everyone's a critic!

Is that hot Tawney Kitaen or strange looking Celebrity Rehab Tawney Kitaen?

Courtney said...

I suck at a lot of things... but still continue to do them... guess I'm good at them after all....

I'm not allowed to sing in the truck when SC is around - he says it's a rule...

onebadmamajama said...

Well, one of the things I have noticed you ARE good at is blogging and not being afraid to put yourself out there! That makes up for all the stuff you think you suck at:) I don't care if the robot is your go to move...you rawk!