Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The burning means it's working!

Recently I started a new skin care regimen, and judging by the rash that's appeared on my neck, I don't think it's gonna work out. A few weeks ago I was chatting with a new acquaintance at a kid's birthday party and he (yes, he -- don't judge!) started telling me about this product he is using that is helping to fade his crow's feet and fine lines. Of course you all know that I plan to fight aging tooth & nail, so I perked up and took notes. I was sitting right next to him, and his skin DID look fantastic!

Laurie ran right out and bought it and reported that her skin felt soft and lovely. She was kind enough to give me the little travel sized samples that came with her kit, so I gave it a try. Incidentally, even my husband thought I was crazy when he saw the product in the bathroom. His exact words were, "Why are you using an acne product? You don't have acne!" When I told him about my fine lines he actually snorted.

I'm really glad I didn't purchase the whole kit without trying it because it immediately started causing problems. It burned! It left me with red splotches on each cheek! My face felt dry even after applying the lotion! And now, weeks after I started using it, I'm breaking out in a rash and I'm itching in weird places like my hairline, neck, and ears.

Fuck this noise! Now I think I need to go get a professional facial. This itching is ridonk!

I've been faithfully rubbing the lotion on its skin since I was 18 years old. In fact, I remember the day I started because it was one of those blustery, sub-zero winter days in Burlington, VT, and my face felt tight and dry as I slid into my seat in French class one day. I had become friendly with a girl who sat next to me, and as I dug through my bag for my lip balm I remember kvetching about how dry my skin felt. This girl was tiny and had some sort of indistinguishable foreign accent, and she proceeded to school me on how I needed to moisturize. I remember her little fingers grazing her own flawless cheeks, her eyes wide and intense, as she told me how moisturizer is basically the fountain of youth and an essential ingredient to being a hot babe.

Clearly, she was very convincing. Strangely enough, I never saw her again after that one class, and I don't even remember her name, but I think about her almost every time I buy moisturizer. Life is so odd. It's quite possible that she was an angel, but I can't back that up.

So, I'm back in the market for a fantastic line-reducing skincare line. Suggestions welcome. Guys, no facial jokes or I shall find you and pummel you with a rubber chicken.

Let's see, what else is new? I stumbled across something very dirty last night involving our friend Colin Farrell. VERY DIRTY. So that was a fun way to spend 13 minutes. (Do I need to tell you that it's NSFW? Because it SO is. In fact I'd say it's NSFA - not safe for anywhere. Yes, that means it's pron. Proceed with caution!)

Tell 'em Bev sent you. Enjoy, my delightful little pervs, and don't say I never gave you anything!

XOXO

45 comments:

Kate said...

I'll wait until my mom leaves to watch the Colin thing (do we get to see Colin's thing? Huh? Huh?)

So are you saying that we SHOULDN'T always believe what celebrities tell us? And we SHOULDN'T always buy the products they are shoving in our faces? Hmmm. This changes everything.

Bev said...

Kate, uuuuum yeah, you see Colin's thing. ALL of it, doing lots of... things.

SO. DIRTY!

Oh, and as far as I know, the gay dude at the party isn't a celeb. Ha ha, j/k. I know. I should never believe in any product whose spokesperson is Jessica Simpson!

MtnMama said...

well, considering what ELSE ol' Jessica stumps for...
Poor Bevvers! Personally, my dear, I have always - and still do - produced enough oil to give the Saudis a run for their money. Secret of MY eternal youth, aparently. Moisturize??? Are you fking kidding me? Noooo.

But seriously, if you are intent on getting rid of "fine lines", the L'Oreal Regenerist line is pretty good. Proceed with caution!

(and such a contrast! Skin care and SKIN. My, my.)

Samsmama said...

"The burning means it's working!" Hi-freaking-larious! SNL, no?

Tiny, accent, flawless cheeks, that chic was definitely an angel. I believe you.

And just what dark corner of the internet are you trolling that you "stumble across" something so dirty? And can I get directions? I'm kidding, he actually doesn't do much for me. But, yeah, NSFA sums it up nicely.

Mary said...

one of my kids' friend's moms' is a rep for Kara Vita- I'd never heard of it until she gave me a sample pack as a thank you- seriously, people comment all he time on my great skin.
try it! you'll like it!

Bev said...

MtnMama - I'll give that a try, thanks! I've used L'Oreal before and it never made my skin burn.... Oh, and I have the opposite trouble - no oil anywhere on my face. That's good b/c I don't get acne... bad because I will look like a shriveled prune in a year or two, I'm sure.

Oh, and you know I'm all about the contrasts here at OOBH. WOOT!

Samsmama - Colin did nothing for me until I watched that video. Now... he can do anything for me, and to me. Yowza.

Ok, ok, so I don't typically stumble across pron, which is why I had to share it. I was innocently reading dlisted last night and clicked a link to see a picture of Fred Durst's dick (WHAT? Yeah, I did. Sue me), which brought me to that site.

And yes, I bookmarked it.

Bev said...

Ooooh, thanks Mary! Kara Vita... will look for that.

Stacy said...

proactiv not so good for you huh? That's what I use...but am running out and wanting a cheaper alternative.
Burt's Bees has a repair serum that I'm trying a sample of. I don't know if it's working yet but I LOOOOOVE the smell of it...smells like a spa. They also have a 'naturally ageless' line that looks interesting.

New England Girl said...

That's unfortunate about the product making your skin almost unbearably scratchy. I hate when things work for others, but backfire for me. I don't know much about skin products though, as I am just one of those wash 2x a day and use cocoa butter. It's occasionally too heavy for some people, but it works just great for me. I hope you find something that works on keeping your skin moisturized but works on those fine lines [although I doubt you have any!] :)

I'm not even going to attempt to watch the very dirty CF video. I'm too much of a prude. ;)

Anonymous said...

i met that angel in 10th grade algebra. she was a foreign exchange student from switzerland. not only was she beautiful with excellent beauty tips, (as you describe) she spoke 5 languages. immortal, indeed.

maybe your skin is too sensitive for proactiv? my sister extolled her "MOISTURIIIIIZE" wisdom on me when i was about 17yrs old and she was well on her way to 30. so i got lucky there. but that's as far as my skin care routine goes. like, i don't wash my face at night before hitting the hay and have been known to go an entire day without moisturizing. but, hey that's me - doing the absolute minimum required in any situation.

oh, and re: the colin farrell thing. ummm, i may be fired the next time IT takes my laptop for maintenance.

Cary said...

I use bacon grease. No lines and I smell nifty, too. Fat kids and animals love me, and if I ever get hungry, I can just lick my forehead.

Elliott said...

My hands are tied here. You've already hit SOTL, (or else it gets the hose again...), made crass bukkake jokes taboo, and Cary already mentioned bacon grease.

It makes me so sad. I really wanted to be a part of the conversation.

Of course, my WV: antifful - a nice way to say ugly, apparently.

Brooklyn ML said...

Cetaphil cream, it's the best and it doesn't irritate skin. It comes in a giant bottle and you can get it at the drugstore. I even use it around my eyes and it's awesome.
And sunblock, but you know that.

Bev said...

Stacy - thanks! I will check out Burt's Bees. I love their products, and am literally addicted to their lip balm!

NE Girl - Definitely know thyself and avoid the linkage, pls. If you're in any way prudish, pretend I never mentioned the CF vid. Heeeee!

Cocoa butter, eh? I may just give that a try, too.

Anon - And here I thought that the Swiss Ives people were full o' shite!

My skin is too sensitive, for sure. I've broken out by using fragranced lotions before, too. FML.

Sorry about getting you fired. ;) It was kinda worth it, right?

Cary - Yuuuuum, that explains the radiant glow you have, and the pack of dogs that follow you around. Thanks for the tip.

Elliott - Awww, I'm sorry. You can make a bukkake joke. Go ahead, I can take it (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!).

Bev said...

Brooklyn - thank you!! I've seen the big jugs o' cetophyl. I will check it out because your skin, lady, is GORGEOUS.

Frank Irwin said...

I haven't had a chance to view the video, yet, but I forwarded the link to my new boss. She loves Colon Farrell.

Yes, I said new boss. I just started a new job in the Human Resources department of a large company. Woot!

Bev said...

FRANK! You got a job! COngratulations!!!!


Wait, this doesn't mean it's gonna cut down on your blog stalking, is it? Because I'm not sure I approve of that.... ;)

Great news, srsly. Congrats!!!

Bev said...

GAWD, I am dumb. As soon as I clicked submit I got the joke.

F. M. L.

Good one, frank.

Deb said...

Bev, Bev, Bev...

You used an acne cure? Proactiv is SUPPOSED to dry you up!! Your face will shrivel up...oh great, now I have this mental image of you looking like Grandma on days when she forgot to put her teeth in. Ha!

Samsmama said...

Cary can lick his own forehead? Mrs. Cary is one lucky gal.

Heidi Renée said...

I am saving the video for later when I am not on my work laptop. Better safe than sorry.

Bev said...

Deb - Thanks, sis. Grandma without her teeth?! You take tha back!! Waaaaaah! I'm telling!

Samsmama - I'm kicking myself b/c I had that same thought when I read the comment, but then I forgot all about it. Darn it! Well done, yes... KUDOS!

Mrs. Cary is indeed a lucky lady.

Heidi - Smart girl! I've already gotten one reader (almost) fired today.

One last time - it's explicit! Don't clicky unless you can handle-y some pron-y! :)

I feel like Willy Wonka today, "No. Stop. Don't."

Kate said...

And all this time I thought that Jessica Simpson was a reliable, smart gal. Boy am I an idiot.

Are you misspelling porn on purpose or is it a joke?

Frank Irwin said...

I'm impressed, Cary. I can only lick my eyebrows.

Bev said...

Kate - just trying not to attract (more) spammers. My blog already turns up on some questionable Google search results....

Frank - Hey. 'Sup? < wiggling eyebrows >

Kate said...

Ah! I get it now. Geez, what an idiot I can be.

Harmony said...

I know it's already been said, but I can't help but say it myself..do not use acne treatment to moisturize your skin..it dries you out. Plus it takes some times for your skin to adapt to new product..but please don't use anymore of that stuff. Looks like you got some great suggestions..I'm taking notes!

Okay..now I am off to watch the video.

Anonymous said...

gee, it's taking harmony some time to watch the video. hope the kids aren't around... . . .

Harmony said...

Hey! I didn't even watch the whole thing.

Frank Irwin said...

Harmony, you're the girl for me, then!

Bev said...

Ha ha! Harmony, does anyone really make it to the end of a prono? Frank obviously doesn't.

Oh, and love the new avatar, Shrunken Bert Head!

Frank Irwin said...

Yeah, Bev, I didn't last long enough to see if she ever put the remote control down.

I'm glad you like my head.

Harmony said...

LMAO Bev! I don't even know what to say to that.

I didn't see if she put the remote down either Frank.

Harmony said...

Oh and Collin is Ewwww! Definitely.

Samsmama said...

There was a remote?

Kristen said...

She had to watch TV before getting down and dirty? WTF. And seriously. It's just a little hair. Why did she make such a show about it? Is it wrong that I actually skipped through the boring parts? And thanks for reminding me I need a man. Thanks.

Mala said...

"To the left, to the left" oh damn now I've got that stupid song stuck in my head!!!!

So my long ailing computer won't let me watch the video. DAMN YOU EFFING LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!


Are you sure you didn't use Finger-Off on your face????

Mala said...

damn... stalker box

laurieliz said...

I'm so so sorry I gave you a rash! And we didn't even get it on!

2 observations about Colin

That girl seemed to totally avoid having sex with him...looking in mirror, watching tv, checking candles...poor thing!

He has a decent size peen but it was totally crooked...

Bev said...

Frank, I love your head! I just had no idea it would be so small.

Oh, and I laughed my ASS off at your "remote" joke. Good job. :)

Harmony - Yeah, he is kind of ew, I agree. Nice schlong tho. What? Just sayin'.

Samsmama - Yeah, and you should see what they did with the remote. VERY unsanitary.

Kristen - Yeah, I wondered about the pube-picking thing too. Sheesh, lady, get over it!

Mala - What is Finger-Off? I feel so dense... I blame the rash.

Speaking of... scratch scratch....

Bev said...

HAHA! Laurie....

I thought the same thing - boy, she's really in the mood for sex. You can tell by the way she casually wandered away from him and checked the stereo/TV for the first few minutes of the vid.

I love how they're totally casual about their sex session, too. Chatting, getting up and wandering around between positions. Really sexy stuff. NOT!

Crooked peen, yes! Well, could be worse.

Jen said...

Clinque, great stuff, pretty packaging, and smells good without smelling too much.

Jillinator said...

I think too many people are watching the Colin thing... it won't open... must be getting tons of hits :)

Soo funny you're talking about the fine lines... tonight on the radio there was some commercial for some uber-fantastic product they're giving samples away of that makes your lines all go away and you look years younger. If I hear it again I'll get the # for you to get your free sample.

I take it back... finally opened!!! whoohoo!!! should I be concerned my word verf is: crabirl ? Sounds a little like an STD... can I get if from a vid ;)? Seriously though... did someone fart at 4:15? I thought it sounded like it.

Cary said...

I just thought all about the time and money porno makers waste putting an ending to their movies. I see some poor, underpaid writer struggling over completed character arcs and conflict resolution.

Actually -- no, I don't.

Bev said...

Jen, thanks! I love Clinique make-up. Will give the skincare line a try.

Jill - Strangely enough, our UPS driver at work told me about that product. HA HA! I get all of my beauty tips from dudes. Bruce at UPS looks FABULOUS in brown, btw.

Cary - prono writer: oxy moron? I did laugh at the idea of a writer on set watching his creative vision come to life!