Thursday, September 10, 2009

I'm not lovin' that!

Today there's an article floating around (har-de-har-har) online about how we greedy humans have almost depleted the supply of this charming little fishy, called a hoki. Hokis live in the deep waters off of New Zealand, and were thought to be quite plentiful until recently. Apparently, every time you've ever indulged in the greasy fried goodness known as the Filet O'Fish sandwich at McDonald's you've been eating one of these little buggers. Who knew?

"The hoki lives in inky darkness about a half-mile down and grows to more than four feet long, its body ending in a sinuous tail of great length. Large eyes give the fish a startled look."

Yum, right? As if I needed another reason to never eat at McD's.

In other fish news, did y'all hear about the sharks off of Cape Cod? Yes, folks, this is why I don't like swimming in the ocean. Everyone likes to say that our waters are too cold up here in the Nawth to get the big biting fishies, but guess what? Cape Cod is pretty mothafuckin' close. All of the beaches down in MA are closed and they've tagged at least 6 Great Whites this week, ranging in length from 6 to 15 feet. FIFTEEN FOOT SHARKS OFF THE COAST OF MA? Fuck that shit! I don't think I'll ever dip a toe in the Atlantic again!

Of course all of this shark talk makes me think of this:



which is probably better than thinking about this:



Sharks: they're scary as hell, even without frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads.

That is all.

26 comments:

Samsmama said...

Candygram.

Dear gawd, that shit is funny!

I saw that article and the yummy looking picture of the sandwich and instantly began craving one. This is going to take some serious will power not to go to McD's.

Kristen said...

Every time I go to the beach I scan the water for sharks. I was once eating on the pier and saw a few sharks not 20 feet away. My cousin from Chicago was like "Those ain't sharks". Next day's newspaper reported sharks. Never doubt me!

Elliott said...

Dammit!!!!! Samsmama beat me to the Candygram.

Actually, I'm just a dolphin.

Mmm, Filet o'Hoki. Rank that right up there with the McPink sandwich.

Actually, it won't keep me from eating the Filet o fish. I crave them sometimes, despite the internal sexual inadequacy created by the gallons of tartar sauce they dump on those things.

Kate said...

Don't eat Filet o'fish, so I ain't part of that stinking problem.

Loves me some classic SNL. There was a Chevy Chase biography on last night. ::sigh::

...not you Frau, not you Goldmember, not you anonymous henchman....

MtnMama said...

Sharks in Mass? If you happen to see one, would you please push M's dad in the water? Pretty please? He's in East Sandwich, so it wouldn't take much of a shove.

I will give you anything you want if you do...

Cary said...

Bless the land shark -- quite possibly the greatest SNL bit of all time. I've seen it 800,001 times and it still makes me laugh.

I just always assumed sharks were everywhere in the ocean. Never heard that the NE waters were too cold. Sharks are plentiful around San Fran and that's some cold-ass water, so it's not surprising that they've been found up there. Maybe they'll eat some Massholes.

Open Water.... a waste of 92 minutes of my life. Well, wait -- 91. The hot chick was naked for about a minute, and full-frontal nudity is never, ever a waste of time.

onebadmamajama said...

Yeah, not a big ocean fan here either LOL and I blame it alllll on "Jaws"!

I agree with MtnMama, but I'll have to drug and hogtie my ex for you to feed him to the fishies. Are you game? LOL

MtnMama said...

um, hog tying them first leaves evidence. I'd rather they just think he "slipped." He's not that coordinated, after all.

Mala said...

I CAN NOT hear the words "candy-gram" without spontaneously reenacting that entire skit!

Oh and fear not Bev, our waters much, much colder than the cape. HA! See ya at the pool!

Lastly, I just had my very first McFishamajig a few weeks ago... and wish I hadn't. Seriously, some ugly fish! Are they saying it would be a bad thing for Ronald to annihilate the little buggers?

Stuart said...

Thus proving that we humans have no discretion: we eat what sharks won't.

Back in my High School Days, I had the pleasure of working at Long John Silver's Fine Seafood Eatery. (Company motto: "Sure you smell like rancid oil and fish and your hands are permanently scarred, but you get Free Hush Puppies and $3.65 an hour.")

I asked what kind of fish was used.

The answer: "Dead ones."

I don't eat there no more.

Organic Meatbag said...

Wow, and all this time, I thought the filet o fish was just a deep fried segment of down comforter!

Bev said...

Samsmama - You crack me up. You see a pic of that disgusting fish and it sends you to McD's? Hilar!

Kristen - RIGHT?! They're out there, oh yes they are. My friend Karen insists that she once saw a dorsal fin off of Hampton Beach in NH, and I believe her!

Elliott - McPink? McStink? McDink? Either way, I'll pass. I don't need any sexual inadequacies in any form, internal or otherwise!

Kate - HAHA! "In the summer we'd make meat helmets."

MtnMama - I'd be happy to make that happen for ya. Heck, I'll even jab him with a sharp stick first so he's irresistable to Bruce & the gang. ;)

Cary - Hey, hey... I have friends who are proud Massholes! Let's not wish them too much ill-will, k? Now Maine-iacs... well, they can all get eaten. Heh heh.

I kind of liked Open Water; it scared me, and I admit that I like it when a movie goes there and **SPOILER ALERT** kills off the main characters in the end. I don't remember the frontal nudity scene, which is odd because I usually make a mental note of those sorts of things!

OBMJ - I'll take care of him for ya, too. Nobody messes with my bloggy buddies!

Mala - Oh, don't worry. I'm sure Ronald will find some other disgusting species to coat with flour and deep fry, then slather with mayo. Macarel, maybe? I know you love those....

Stuart - your comment cracked me up! Long Dong Silver's, eh? Yikes. I can only imagine what atrocities can be found at the bottom of that deep fryer.

OM - LOL! Exactly. mmmm, that's good Temperpedic!

Harmony said...

Like Kate, I do not eat the fish at McDonald"s. BUT there is a lot I won't eat at McDonald's.

Sharks are fraking scary. But jelly fish have a way of keeping me on beach. *shudder* Creepy little bastards!

Courtney said...

And this is why I don't get into any water that I can't see the bottom of..... FUCK THAT!!!

Oh and I've never had one of those fish sandwiches... so it's not my fault either.

Anonymous said...

i first read OMBJ's comment as "i blame it all on JEWS!" and, of course i snickered.

i'm such a pussy when it comes to the ocean. i grew up braving the cold pacific in san diego as a kid, yet i have a problem if the water is under 70 degs in the atlantic as an adult. AND, if i see anything ANYTHING in the water, i automatically assume it has giant teeth or tentacles and wants to break me in half and eat me.

lastly, didn't Jaws take place in Amity, MA? (too lazy to google/IMDB it.)

Anonymous said...

oh and, love your line today bev -- "fish heads, fish heads, rolly-polly fish heads... eat them up YUM!"

Bev said...

Harmony - Agreed, jelly fish are scary too. Anything with... gulp... tentacles or teeth.... Just, no.

Courtney - Exactly - it's all about seeing your own feet, right? And I've never once had a McHoki, so I'm washing my hands of this whole affair as well.

Now, if they say that beef cattle are becoming endangered, I'll feel a little guilty. 'Cuz they're delicious.

Anony - Hilarious comment!!! I loved it all, but the part about "breaking me in half and eating me" made me GUFFAW, so thank you!

And yes, Jaws took place in Amity, MA... which is on the Cape. Nice foreshadowing, Speilberg!

Thanks for getting my lyric du jour, too!!! I <3 you.

Samsmama said...

I blame it all on Jews...priceless!

calicobebop said...

Just another reason to eat "all beef patties" along with the special sauce. brrr....

Also - sharks = terrifying. No way, No how. They are down right horrible.

double brr....

i love plum said...

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Cary said...

Bev - the nudity in Open Water was in the hotel room scene at the beginning. I never forget a hairy bush. It was completely gratuitous, which made is all the better.

I know you were wondering about that scene.

Bev said...

Samsmama - I know! I loved that line, too!

Calico - heeee, "special sauce." There's a joke in there somewhere.... ;)

Cary - thank you! I agree - gratuitous nudity is the best nudity, definitely!

outdoor wedding venues said...

But i am pure vegetarian and i love the fish i have fish tank in my room. I don't like to kill them.

outdoor wedding venues said...

I see these videos these are very interesting. I am waiting for OPEN WATER because its based on true events.

Mala said...

Listen Outdoor Wedding Venues (if that is in fact your real name....) I'm on to you! Don't think for a minute I don't know what you're doing. That #1 commenter spots is MINE! You hear me? MINE!
You no number 1 commenter. ME number 1 commenter!

*whew*

Elliott said...

Apparently that makes me number two. About how I feel today anyway, thanks for helping.