Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Truthful Tuesday

Two questions! I'll ask, you answer. Heck, I'll answer them too because I'm cool like 'dat, and because it's Truthful Tuesday and I've taken my dose of Veritaserum*.

1. What's the cheesiest, most embarrassing movie that you secretly (or not-so-secretly) love?

For me, it's Under the Tuscan Sun.

"While on vacation, a just-divorced writer buys a villa in Tuscany on a whim, hoping it will be the start of a change for the better in her life."

*sigh* It's just a fun movie in which a beautiful but sad divorcee (played by the ageless Diane Lane) moves to Italy in an effort to get her groove back. I love everything about this movie. It's smart, funny, poignant, and even has a soupcon of culture.

2. Have you ever stolen anything? I promise not to report you. Ok, let's assume we've all stolen something. What was the first thing you ever stole, and why?

The first time I ever stole anything was by accident. No, really! I was probably 8 years old and my family had just gone out to dinner at a place called The Happy Hour. My dad was paying at the counter, and there was a bowl full of free mints next to an open box of cigars. Being eight, and evidently a little clueless, I deduced that the cigars must be free as well, since they were next to the mints. So I took one, but I was stealthy about it.

Why did I take it, and why was I so sneaky about it?

Because I thought it would be hilarious to pop up from the back seat of our car with a cigar in my mouth and say, "Hey! Anybody got a light?"

Which is exactly what I did when we got back in the car. Only instead of expressions of amused delight from my parents and sister, I got looks of shock and supreme irritation. Well, that's not entirely true - my older sister was laughing her ass off, if I remember correctly. Anyway, it was then that my parents explained that no, the cigars were not free, and yes, I had to trot my butt back into the restaurant, apologize for being a filthy cigar-thieving brat, and give it back. In a sort of sublime twist of fate, they made my sister go in with me. Heh.

There it is. Please tell me your answers, and be TRUTHFUL!

* Shameless nerdy Harry Potter reference. Sorry.

32 comments:

Cary said...

1. The Sound Of Music. Yeah, I know, but I don't care. I love it.

2. I stole a police car once, but it was an accident.

The Daily Wit said...

Road House with Patrick Swayze. Totally indefensible pick. It has no redeeming value (except the nudity). But I'll watch it if it's on.

I stole 2 Jolly Ranchers from the Piggly Wiggly grocery store when I was a kid. I got caught, served time, learned to commit violent crime in prison, and now I'm typing this from death row. Thanks justice system!

Stacie's Madness said...

1) well, golly gee...hmmm....Seridipity is a good one...but I love so many cheesy movies that it's hard to pick just one.

2) um, yes, I steal hearts baby, BOY'S HEARTS. ;)

Ok, so for realz. I use to work at Hallmark and lets just say, I have a lot of these stupid ass Cherished Teddies...and not the sexy kind of teddies...hmmm maybe I should get a side job at (Hooters) Fredrick's.

Stacie's Madness said...

and by Seridipity I mean Serendipity...

Kate said...

1. Dumb and Dumber. I. LOVE. THAT. MOVIE.

2. A pack of Bubbilicious Bubble Gum. I put about 3 huge pieces in my mouth was drooling and could barely move my jaw. When my mom asked where I got it I reminded her (almost unintelligibly)that she gave me a piece. Yeah, it was half a stick of Doublemint. WTF?? You can't even really chew half a stick of that. She dragged me back to the store to confess. I was crying hysterically because I thought I was going to jail. But I didn't. That experience left me with a very healthy respect of authority and law. To this day, I stop at every single stop sign, much to the dismay of many of my passengers.

raskal said...

1. Stealing Home. Jodie Foster, Mark Harmon, and an assload of tear-inducing electric piano songs by David Foster.

2. Books from a used bookstore when I was about 15. Here's the lame part. We (my friend and I) stood at the counter for so long, waiting to pay. We even yelled down the stairs for a clerk... so I left a $5 on the counter and took off. So the reality is, I only partially stole the books. I'm not sure what they were charging for them. ;)

Anonymous said...

i fucking LOVE dumb and dumber! toilet humor = the best humor. however, reading TDW's pick of Roadhouse made me think of a hockey flick from the 80s with a young Rob Lowe, Youngblood. my pubescent self loved that movie. and it was god-awful.

aside from stealing the occasional pack of gum from the grocery store when i was 7yrs old, i went on a shoplifting spree when i was 15yrs old with a very bad influence of a girlfriend at the local mall. we stole everything from makeup in woolworths to panties from victoria's secret. they caught us and my mom had to pick us up. i never saw heather again...

my parents still call me clepto to this day. methinks they need to get over that shit. i haven't accidentally stolen anything since last week at the grocery store... heh.

Organic Meatbag said...

1. Black Belt Jones! Mostawesome blaxploitation kung fu movie ever! The funniest fucking dialogue of all time!

2. Yeah, when I was about 10 or 11, me and my buddy lifted a few candy bars from the local grocery store...(holds out hands) cuff me, officer!

Bev said...

Cary - How do you solve a problem like probation?

TDW - Road House! The worst movie I've never seen. My husband loves it, though, for cheese factor alone.

Oh, and I hear that lots of women love guys on death row. Good luck with that!

Stacie - Serendipity, eh? No comment. :) & Boys' hearts - go girl!

Kate - I love that story. I can totally picture little Kate with all that juicy bubble gum in her mouth. HA!!!! So awesome.

I wish I loved D&D. Everyone says I should... but you all know how I feel about potty humor, and that diarhea scene did me in. :(

Lisa - I love that you are so freaking GOOD that even your tale of "stealing" involves leaving money on the counter. You make me (almost) want to be a better person. Almost.

Anonymama - OMG, I'm down with the Rob Lowe one. I remember watching that quite a bit back in the day!

Clepto, eh? You are just full of surprises! What became of Heather? Did they lock her in Mall Jail and throw away the key?

OM - Officer Nasty will be by shortly with her furry handcuffs. You just wait right there.

Anonymous said...

1. Amazon Women On The Moon.

2. Yes, all the typical stuff kids take...candy, makeup, toys. I stole shoes from a store I worked at when I was in college.

Frank Irwin said...

The thought of a young Bev popping up in the back seat, with a cigar in her mouth, just cracks me up.

Can't think of any movies, but I did steal a balloon (yes, a balloon, not a condom) when I was about 7. I felt bad about it, so I never blew it up.

Elliott said...

"How do you solve a problem like probation?" just made me laugh like an ass at my desk when I should be working dilligently. Thanks.

I'm not embarrassed by any of the films I love, I'll talk about any of them (at my blog: http://microcows.blogspot.com - shameless self-promotion, sorry.) wthout a hint of shame.

I started out with forgery in 5th grade, skipped the stealing until my first full-time office job when I developed an unhealthy addiction to Post-It Notes and Uni-Ball pens. I'd get our supply person to order me whole boxes of pens and then take them home.

Samsmama said...

Yes, your reply to Cary was perfection. Well done!

Love Dumb & Dumber! Do people look at you strangely when you say you've never seen Roadhouse? I've never seen it either and people act like it's a sin.

I'll watch Gone in 60 Seconds or The Fast and the Furious over and over. And I have.

As for stealing, I was once quite interested in a job until I heard there was a lie detector test involved. That pretty much ruled me out.

MtnMama said...

Starman (Jeff Bridges, Karen Allen) is one movie I will watch whenever - and get weepy over. I know.

I used to steal money out of my mother's vanity.

I adore "Unter the Tuscan Sun".

Bev said...

Anon - Amazon Women! I haven't heard that title in ages. It's a classic!

Frank - thank you! The thought of little Frank stealing a balloon and being so guilt-ridden that he couldn't blow it up cracks me up, too! So we're even. :)

Elliott - glad I could get ya back for the haircut thing from yesterday, and the GERD remark from last week!

Also, heh heh... you said "uni-ball."

Smama - oooooh, intriguing! No lie-detectors, eh? Are you afraid they'll find out about your secret crush on Angelina Jolie... or Vin Diesal?

Organic Meatbag said...

Uh, hellooooooo, still waiting for the Officer! Sitting here pantsless gets kinda cold after while! Hahahaha!

Bev said...

Mtn Mama - you slipped one in there while I was typing!

Starman! Love it! My husband is into that one, too. I've never seen it all - oops!

Bev said...

OM - HEY! Why did you take off your pants? That's it, I'm telling Officer Nasty to put you in the cell with that big bald inmate named Ox.

Mary said...

Oh lord- well Dumb and DUmber is a no brainer- who doesn't love it?
Probably my most embarrassing movie pick would have to be Notting Hill. I hate Julia Roberts but I love Hugh Grant with all my stupid heart.

I stole a hard candy form a store when I was about 5. My mom caught me and made me go back in an apologize. It was awful. what was worse was that my 4 year old cousin squealed on me.

Road House- truly the worst ever. Or anything with Patrick Swayzee.

onebadmamajama said...

1. Kate and Leopold. Srsly, who doesn't love Hugh Jackman in riding breeches? LOL

2. As for stealing, I'm sure I did (what kid hasn't) but apparently the consequences from said action were so bad, I have repressed the entire incident lol

Kate said...

Hugh Jackman in anything is a winner in my book. Or even better....in nothing.

Cary said...

"How do you solve a problem like probation?"

A good question beautifully stated.

The answer: You never miss your monthly appointment and you always get signatures to prove that you are doing your community service. Oh, and did you know you actually have to PAY for every probation appointment? Yup. $25 a visit. An entertainment fee, I guess.

onebadmamajama said...

Ohh, Kate..Hugh Jackman in nothing! I'd buy a ticket LOL

Heidi Renée said...

I stole three hot pink golf tees from a golf club store when I was 7 or 8. They were in this huge barrel of them. You were meant to scoop them into a paper bag and they charged by the bag, rather than per tee. I took them because I wanted to give it to my mom. Then I realized that if I gave them to her I would have to tell her where I got them. I gave them to my Barbies instead.

Stuart said...

Does Buckaroo Bonzai count? It's meant to be cheesy and all. No? Okay, how about ... Wait! Here we go. The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Definite LactoComedy, but I liked it. There. I said it.

First thing I ever stole was a Wacky Water Writer pen. It was a huge pen and absolutely worthless as a writing tool, but it had little globules of red shit suspended in water that, when tipped right, went through plastic obstacles and I really really wanted it. It became horrendously uninteresting approximately two days later.

Kate said...

Stuart! Whoever you are...I LOVE YOU! One of my all-time favorite movies is Buckaroo Banzai. I have a love affair with Peter Weller to this day because of that movie. I remember when my dad bought our first VCR, that was the very first movie we ever recorded. Ahhhh....thanks for the memories!

Stuart said...

Kate - you misunderstood. I meant Buckaroo Bonzai, the guy who saves the world AND trims little tiny trees.

Yeah, I caught that misspelling immediately after I posted.

Any time I'd try to make someone else watch that, they'd never "get it". Seriously? How 'bout some Michael Bay crap instead, you fucking simpleton?

Sorry, did I type that out loud?

Anywhat ... I dig you too, just because you're a friend of at least two of the coolest people on this here blogosphere. And by that I mean me and that other drunk.

Cheers!

Frank Irwin said...

I'm not drunk!

Not right now, at least.

Samsmama said...

"That other drunk". Who, me?

I was about to profess my love to Stuart for his mention of "The Truth About Cats And Dogs". I dig that movie, and I LOVE Janeane G. I use the quote, "You can love your pets, just don't love your pets" entirely too often.

Bev said...

HA!!! You guys kill me!

Mala said...

oh damn, I need two different questions because 1)I keep my cheesy, craptastic entertainment to really bad reality shows. and 2) I can't think of anything I've ever stolen... except maybe a boyfriend... and really, I was just borrowing him.

laurieliz said...

I <3 Under the Tuscan Sun but I'll call you on that and raise you a 13 going on 30.

Oh...I was like Anonymous and went on a crime spree at about 15 (due to the bad influence of a GF too!) We stole lots and did get caught and I DID take the rap cuz she was over 18. Bitch! I did 40 hrs of community service but somehow worked that into my college app...so its all good. I don't remember the first but the craziest thing I stole was a birthday cake once...y? cuz I could! Really? How does someone actually steal a birthday cake? In a big back pack. It was for a friend and I was one ballsy kid.