Monday, October 26, 2009

F-U Monday! A weekend wrap-job

Hey there. How are my lovely and charming bloggy buddies this morning? I hope you're all feeling sprightly and full of vim and vigor after your restful weekends.

I'm not especially happy today, in fact I'm pretty frakin' grumpy. I woke up with a rash on Sunday -- a big one. I have no idea what I did/ate/touched to earn myself an itchy red rash on my entire body, so that just adds to the fun! The bulk of it is better today but now my eye lids are swollen and the rash is on my face as well, so needless to say I'm feeling especially hot and sexy this morning. Oh, and Benedryl helps it a lot, but it makes me feel like my head is floating about 6" above my neck and I was literally dozing off at stop lights on my way to work this morning. Fan-fuckin-tastic, I say.

Let's see - in other news, I saw Paranormal Activity at the movies yesterday and it was pretty good. Not sure if it lives up to the hype, but I enjoyed it and was legitimately spooked throughout. It had a kind of slow-burn build-up and the ending made me (and the rest of the audience) yelp out loud, it was that good. I love that it was made with practically no money; they did a fantastic job with limited resources, and it was quite believable and felt real.

On Friday I had a blog post all typed out and ready to go when Blogger suddenly got her period and decided to be a ripping bitch and delete it. One second I was typing, the next my document was blank. Good times, right? So here's an abbreviated version of that post.

Time to clear off the photos from my cell phone! Behold the random and oftentimes sublime contents of my photo album:

My job totally blows, but at least my office park is pretty:






My kid got all kinds of creative the other night and created "Cardboard Darth Vader" out of the boxes we had on hand. Yes, those boxes previously contained diapers and beer. So?



I pride myself in noticing beauty in odd places, and this mud puddle just struck my fancy one day. Of course, I did my fair share of hallucinagens in college, so maybe that's why I thought it looked so cool. Don't judge me.



Nothing unites a family like a Facebook video of a man blowing his own eyebrows off while doing a science experiment.



My hair dresser used so many foils for my highlights that she couldn't fit them all into a plastic shower cap. This is Kara wrapping my head in Saran Wrap, because I am glamorous and mysterious!



My husband is quite the ball o' fire after 8 PM at night. I took this picture because the cat looked kind of perverted with his head down there, and oddly enough this is the last photo ever taken of our cat. Yep, the cat packed his bags and took off, leaving no forwarding address, soon after waking up in this compromising position. I'm all broken up about it, can't you tell? This is where the tears would be if I gave a shit.



That'll do for today. Thanks for listening to me bitch and moan about my Leprosy. Hopefully by tomorrow it will all be a painful and confusing memory for me!

21 comments:

Elliott said...

That's a fail poster if ever I saw one.

"Pussy - you're doing it wrong."

Sorry, but that's much cleaner than what first came to mind. Love the office park, our lousy building is across from the fire station, grocery store and strip mall. Oh, and no autumny leaves, either.

mo.stoneskin said...

Sprightly? I don't think I ever feel sprightly!

Hope that rash disappears as quickly as it arrives.

Organic Meatbag said...

I feel like a total pile of shit wrapped in bacon, quite honestly, so yeah, right there with ya, Bev! Hey, like your new profile picture, though!

MtnMama said...

You'll never get anything resembling sprite out of me in the morning, but thanks for trying! Love the pictures... but then, I have mind altering drugs in my past as well, so maybe that helps? Congrats on losing the cat. Seriously.

New England Girl said...

Love the photos. I'm also always amazed that you actually get me to laugh out loud. Hope that rash clears up; it doesn't sound pleasant at all!

calicobebop said...

LOL at Elliott's comment!

Sorry you're feeling itchy and scratchy. Hope it gets better soon! Love the pics!

Mala said...

OMG, Elliott's comment just made me snort!

What?! Lucky's gone!!!? I can't believe you didn't tell me (in an attempted sorrowful way, of course).

Hope that rash clears up. Maybe next time keep your clothes on when you roll around in that pile of leaves.

Stacie's Madness said...

roflmao.
eh, it's monday and I'm sore from the weekend...

oh, sounds so dirty.

Bev said...

Elliott - LMGDAO!!!!! I'm totally making that, with full credit to you, naturally. Brillz.

Mo - May I call you Mo? Hope so, 'cause I just did! Thanks so much. The rash is receding as we speak. Mysterious, that's me!

OM - Hey man, anything's better when it's wrapped in bacon, even shit! Thanks for the compliment on my picture! :)

MtnMama - I hear that. I am NOT a morning person. That cat had already outstayed his welcome by about 14 years, so we said sayanara, sweetheart and never looked back.

NE Girl - Aw, thank you! That makes me feel good. Glad I could make you giggle.

Calico - Yes, itchy and scratchy indeed... minus the bloodshed and violence. Mostly.

Mala - Oh yeah, Lucky's gone. Forgot to mention it because it just tears me up inside. NOT!

Stacie - hmmm, sore, eh? lemme guess, moving furniture? Naked moving furniture?

Cary said...

I'll scratch your itch, baby. Just show me where.

PorkStar said...

Sorry to hear about your Leprosy hun... you are still sexy to me though, all blotchy, itchy and looking like one big gigantic pimple... MUAH

You know that saying about a man will follow the pussy? Well, same applies to the latter... the pussy will comeback, you'll see...

Preggers prolly.

The office park looks good.. nothing like that around here. boo

onebadmamajama said...

Really, what can I say after Elliott totally hit it outta the park?

I do hope you get to feeling better soon! Tomorrow you get to cope with the Benadryl hangover:)

onebadmamajama said...

Just gotta come back for the stalker button;)

Samsmama said...

Obviously the cat is just having some issues dealing with his homosexuality (NTTAWWT) and has taken off for some soul searching.

Great pictures, as always! Hope your shingles clear up soon!

Bev said...

Oh Cary, no one can perv quite like you!

Porky - I have no idea what you just said, except for the bit about me being sexy. So thank you for that, and because you said that I will ignore the part about me looking like a giant pimple.

Oh, and if my pussy comes back preggers I want an explanation, and FAST, because he's a boy cat.

OBMJ - Wait, there's a hangover for Benedryl too? Shoot! Now ya tell me!

Samsmama - I think you're right! Oh, and don't mention Shingles -- for about 20 minutes last night I had myself convinced that I had exactly that. Dr. Google screws me again!

Heidi Renée said...

If you would like another cat, I could mail you one. I keep a few extras on hand just in case.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Your husband was living the college dream: fall asleep with a lovely pussy in his lap, wake up and it leaves forever without calling back.

I am jealous...

outdoor wedding venues said...

Love the photos. I'm also always amazed that you actually get me to laugh out loud. Thanks for these nice photos.

Harmony said...

LOVE that photo with the cat. Elliot of course nailed it! Kudos to you Elliot.

Sorry to hear about your rash, I am sure it's all better now. At least, I am crossing my fingers that it is.

Cosmetic Makeover said...

Love the office park, our lousy building is across from the fire station, grocery store and strip mall. Oh, and no autumny leaves, either.

Cosmetic Makeover said...

Hope that rash disappears as quickly as it arrives.