Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Speaking of Playboy

I have a confession to make, but those of you who know me won't be shocked by it at all. You see, despite the fact that I routinely ridicule friends like Mala for watching all of those horrid VH-1 and MTV reality shows (Tool Academy & Rock of Love Bus? Really?) I have been watching E!'s The Girls Next Door since episode one. It started off innocently enough - I was home sick one weekday and bored out of my skull, so I started perusing Comcast's On Demand options and came across the whole first season. I turned it on because hey, I like attractive naked people as much as the next girl, and I was oddly fascinated with three women who were (allegedly) porking senior citizen Hugh Hefner.

I was hooked. After all, watching this frothy concoction of T+A is the ultimate escapism. Their lifestyle could not be further from my own reality on the spectrum of normalcy. For one thing, they share a man. I would be jealous if the man I loved had two other beautiful girlfriends, and the idea that we'd hang out like sisters in a sorority house simply boggles my mind. For another thing, their whole lives are spent lounging around wearing skimpy pink outfits, dressing up their little dogs, and attending swanky parties where everyone tells them how gorgeous they are and take their photos for the media.

Yeah, that doesn't happen to me. I don't even have a dog anymore, and when I did I certainly never dressed him up in costumes. Much.

For the record, my favorite Girl was always Bridget, who was the oldest of the bunch and seemed to be the smartest. Also, her looks just seem much more natural than the other two; she's a natural (albeit enhanced) blonde, has a very curvy figure (oh how I envy her teeny tiny waist), and I am not 100% sure, but I think her breasts are even real. Maybe. At any rate, they're spectacular.

Mostly I like her best because she is educated and reasonably intelligent, seemed to be there for the "right" reasons (i.e. she never had designs of making notorious bachelor HH settle down with her, seemed up-front about the fact that it was just too good a gig to pass up, etc.), and she was the peace-maker among the group. Bridget was the glue that held idiot Kendra and power-hungry Holly together.

Now the girls have all gone their separate ways and there's a new batch of bimbos inhabiting Hugh's love shack. I watched the first episode of the new season the other day while living my own glamorous life -- folding laundry in sweatpants while my kids begged for Fudgsicles -- and wasn't all that impressed with the new crop. For one thing, two of them are twins who apparently share a brain, and not a highly-functioning one at that. They do everything together, dress identically, and finish each other's sentences. I have absolutely no hope or desire to learn which one is Kristina and which one is Karissa.

The "new Holly" seems like a nice enough girl, but frankly... she bores me. Also, she looks exactly like the twins, so sometimes I can't tell who is who is who anymore. Would it kill Hugh to have a hot brunette girlfriend? Sheesh!

So, we'll see how the season goes. If I watch it, I'm not sure yet. I've never gone out of my way to watch it, I don't Tivo it or anything like that, but it's hard to miss it when you're flipping channels on the weekends. I used to feel like watching it was like popping a couple of Xanex and taking a little mental vacation, but the first episode just kind of irked me for some reason. We'll see.

Personally, I would like it better if Hugh had chosen a more substantive girlfriend. Maybe someone like November playmate Marge Simpson, for example?

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Anyway, there it is. Don't judge me; I'm way ahead of you on that one. ;)


Samsmama said...

BEV! I couldn't agree more! With all of it! In fact, I think I'll copy & paste this and use it as my next post. Thanks!

Bridget had real tatas, and I loved her! Kendra could go away forever and I'd be cool with that. They cared for Hef, but in a, "You're my favorite grandpa" kind of way. Holly seemed genuinely in love, and the fact that they tried to have a baby makes me ill.

I've watched part of one new episode (With Holly in Vegas. The Carrot Top thing was funny.) and couldn't have cared less. Those twins are ignorant and annoying and the other chic looked "old" in the clips I saw. Like, in her 30's. GASP! Actually reminded me of one of the Rock of Love Bus sluts.

Holy crap, this comment has gotten out of control! Peace out!

MtnMama said...

I like pretty naked people as much as anyone, but I'm too old and cranky to put up with the likes of Hugh Hefner. But, hey - my glam life keeps me far too busy to watch those shows...

Elliott said...

I could get all psychiatric on this and say that Barbie Benton screwed it up for any other brunette that might cross in front of Hef, but it's also entirely possible that continuing to date girls that look the same as the previous girls makes him feel like he isn't aging.

But really, three girlfriends? I did that once, back in my wild and reckless 20's, and never in a million years would I have actually let them spend time with one another. Did they know of each other? Yes. However, the thought of bringing multiple girlfriends together in one room is like combining sodium and water in one glass. (A little mjenks TBSUT tribute, if you will).

The Peach Tart said...

I can't watch that show but I do love me some Marge Simpson

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

It's all about the blondes with big tits this week, isn't it?

Bev said...

Samsmama - YAY! Glad you likey, lady. I saw the Carrot Top one too and was oddly surprised that he wears a wig. IDK why I was surprised considering how fake the rest of him has become, but... still!

MtnMama - Strangely enough, Hef is hardly even on the show! He just kind of shuffles in once in a while and gives old man kisses to the girls, laughs, then leaves. It rocks.

Elliott - Ah yes, Barbie Benton! Let's blame her. Personally I think Hef is just senile and doesn't bother to remember the girls' names anymore, so he makes sure they're all similar looking to make it easy on himself!

You had 3 gfs once? Wow, you are da man!

TPT - fair enough, it's not for everyone! Marge, however, is a woman of the people.

mjenks - yes. Got a problem with that?

Didn't think so. ;)

Whiskey Girl said...

Well gee thanks Bev for now making me WANT to watch this crap. I get sucked into shitty TV way to easily and well, this just makes me want it. I'm sure it will be mentioned in the next weekend wrap up. LOL

New England Girl said...

I never watched a full season, but I have definitely seen an episode or two. Their lifestyle is so outlandish! I never had a favorite amongst the girls - heck, I don't think I like any of them - but the show is humorous and always made me laugh. I haven't seen any episodes with the new girls, and I doubt I'll seek them out... they seem so much more annoying than even Kendra, and that's a hard feat to pull off!

calicobebop said...

You are too funny. I loved the original three too but was ashamed to admit it. Now, I know I'm not alone. Joy!

Stacie's Madness said...

it was a guilty pleasure watching those girls and their unreal lives.

i would ponder too, if I could do what they were doing (ie; Heff)...but the gifts, the parties, I would sure contemplate screwin the old man.

Bev said...

Whiskey Girl - You're welcome! Enjoy the GND mayhem!

NE Girl - Yes, they're not all that likeable. Well, except for Bridget. :)

Calico - You can always come to my blog to feel good about loving crappy TV and bimbos!

Stacie - exactly! It's a small price to pay, really. I think I could tolerate some old man lovin' for all that. Maybe? IDK, but I'd give it a try.

Mala said...

well, well, well... Bevers, after all the teasing you've aimed at me for my love of craptastic reality shows, I now find out you've been all in the closet watching Sluts Next Door!. Shame! Shame!
I have to admit, I've never watched the show. I've paused momentarily on it, until Kendra laughs and then my finger twitches and I move on to find Bus of Love reruns. Really, everything I know about 3 Blondes and an Old Boob I've learned on the Soup.

So, shall I save you a spot on the couch for the Real Chance of Love 2:Back in the Saddle grand finale?? Huh?

The Daily Wit said...

I vote for more posts like this. With pictures of scantily clad women. It makes for interesting reading.

Hey look! My verification word is "horndog."

Not really.

onebadmamajama said...

I have never watched GND. I did watch that show with Brett Micheals on it. The first season I think. It was like a big ole trainwreck that you can't NOT watch. I really felt sorry for the women, cause Mr. Micheals is not that great of a catch. Neither is Hef, for that matter. Hef, IMO, is just plain ole nasty. I can't believe any self respecting woman would touch his twig and berries w/o being in a full on hazmat suit. Blech.

BTW, I'm not judging..just stating why I don't watch. I watch plenty of crappy tv, too:) I'm just not ready to come out of the closet about it LOL

Cary said...

Ugh, I could never tell the old ones apart. All bleached blondes with (I thought) fake breasts.
Me, I'm partial to brunettes. Plus whenever I see the four of them together, all I can think about is how much Viagra Hef must have to eat to keep up -- that is, if they're really doing anything sexual. It's probably all just for show.

I did not see the Marge feature but I gotta know -- does the carpet match the drapes? Cuz blue pubes would be interesting.

Three girlfriends at once, Elliott? I humbly bow to you. I never had the gumption (or the opportunity). I have five girlfriends right now, but they're all on the same hand, so I just count it as one. Har!

Elliott said...

Three at once, and I managed to dump them all the same week to go back to my ex.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

totalblammblamm said...

You know, I do enjoy me some Tool Academy. I can't help it. Train Wreck Reality Shows (capitalization on purpose) are my not so guilty pleasure. We're not grinding up babies, here, we're enjoying the creepy, phreaky, sometimes incredibly stupid lives of others.

That said, I've never watched Girls Next Door. However, after reading your post, I want to!! It's On Demand, you say? Hm... now let's see here (wielding remote).

wv: crunt
In sentence: I think most of the former and current the Girls Next Door are fun, but that Holly is kind of a crunt.

totalblammblamm said...

PS now following you. So lead me!! LOL

Carol said...

I have my share of "crap" TV viewing habits but The Girls were never one of them. I couldn't tolerate Kendra's laugh. And the controlling Holly. Bleck. Screwing Hef, ewweewh, there's a visual
Did see Marge in all her glory as a centerfold. Her tits were a bit cartoony and no pubes showing, blue or otherwise.

Bev said...

Mala, save me a seat, but only if there's heavy drinking involved. And not just from the sluts on a bus, if you know what I'm sayin'.

TDW - You've come to the right place! If it's not me who's scantilly-clad, it's my friends or one of the many celebs I want to boink!

OBMJ - I can always count on you to never judge me, and I love ya for that! What boggles my mind is this: how many STDs do you think old Hef has by now? Honestly... he must have warts on his herpes with crabs crawling around... ugh, never mind.

Cary - Natural breasts and brown hair? Why, hello, big boy! ;)

Blue pubes would be interesting, to be sure. In college I had a friend who was a natural blonde and she once died 'em hot pink. To this day we joke around about her hot pink snatch. Good times.

TBB - LMAO at "grinding up babies!" SO TRUE. Also, I agree - Holly is a crunt.

Thanks for following me! I will do my best not to lead us all off a cliff. No promises, though, since I'm a notoriously shitty driver with no sense of direction.

Carol - No pubes at all? What a rip-off! I saw a couple of the pics on Perez Hilton's site (don't hate!) and it wasn't all that racey. La-haaaaaame-o!

outdoor wedding venues said...

I wanna to watch that show more. I like pretty naked people as much as anyone.