Friday, October 2, 2009

Why does Bert always get the shaft?

I'm ignoring the obvious joke about how B&E are actually lovahs, so that's not what I mean by "shafted." I don't judge. Muppets are free to love whomever they want, I say!

ANYWHO. It's Friday, and I'm feeling frivolous. (Brought to you by the letter F!)

As the mother of a toddler, I watch a lot of Sesame Street. Both of my sons went through/are going through an Elmo phase, and I honestly don't mind watching The Street because my 2 year-old is actually counting to 10 and singing his ABC's already, thanks to his TV time. He likes his SS so much that he gets me up at 5:30 AM every day so he can squeeze in an episode before school. Isn't that lovely?

Ha... not so much. I'm not a morning person, and 5:30 is just an ungodly hour if you ask me. It's dark out and my REM cycles are all wonky from going to bed too late, usually after having imbibed a glass or two of moderately-priced red wine the night before. Early mornings are just not prime Bev time, let's put it that way.

At any rate, lately I've been wondering why it is that Bert is such a second-class citizen of the Sesame 'hood. My kid gets all excited when ERNIE comes on, but when they finally give Bert a little screen time - nothin' but crickets. M knows everybody's names, even Zoe's (!), but not Bert's. Poor Bert.

I mentioned the lack of Bert sketches to Jim and he laughed and said he'd noticed the same thing in a Sesame St. book he reads to M at bedtime; Bert is featured prominently in the illustrations, yet he has not a single line in the whole story. He's essentially a background artist living in the shadow of his more famous partner, stuck playing idly with his pigeon (that's what they call it in the 'hood) in the shabby chic apartment that he and Ernie share.

Come to think of it, among famous duos the straight man always kind of gets ignored. One of them is always second-best, right? Case in point:




Kind of makes me wonder if I'm a Bert or an Ernie in my relationships. Of course I think I'm the Ernie, but doesn't everybody think they're the Ernie? Nobody wants to be Oates or Garfunkle, after all.

If I had to choose, I'd be Cookie Monster, if for no other reason than I fucking love cookies. Plus, he's kind of fat and happy and a little dumb, but he's likable enough and everybody gives him a pass because he's a nice guy. That sure beats being the "plus one" for a short orange dude with a funny laugh and a strange fascination with his rubber bath toy.

If you lived on Sesame Street, who would you be?

48 comments:

Frank Irwin said...

I'd be Snuffleufagus, because people think they know me, but I'm just a figment of their imaginations.

Or, am I?

Plus, I like saying "Snuffleufagus," even if I don't know how to spell it.

Elliott said...

Honestly, I don't even know which one is Hall and which one is Oates. Somehow that never seemed important, like I don't know which one is Sigfried and which one is Roy.

Bert is a foil, and Ernie wouldn't be nearly as entertaining without him. (Pssst...Bert is it.) I'd love to be Grover, happy-go-lucky and carefree, or Kermit, insightful, intelligent and a bit green. Even Telly, whose fascination with simple things, might be a decent fit. Sadly, I think I wind up being practical, stable Bert much of the time.

But that's okay, I'm pretty sure Bert's the butch top to Ernie's femme bottom, and I like it that way.

Elliott said...

Dammit, forgot to stalk.

And is it wrong that my WV is sticapp? Stick a peepee it is.

Organic Meatbag said...

Look, I'm making no bones about it...I am the John Oates... I know this for a fact...I'm the one with the stache and 'fro that sits back playing rhythm guitar and adding an occasional "ooooh" or "coooo" in the background vocals"... if I were a character on SS, I would be the garbage can that Oscar lives and shits in...imagine that funk...
and oh yeah...titties!

Organic Meatbag said...

And Bert apparently really does like the shaft... that's why his lips are chapped...

Bev said...

Frank - I love Snuffy! He's the Eeyore of Sesame St... or IS he?

Elliott - HA!!! Apparently Organic Meatbag is Oates, so you don't have to worry about it anymore. Mystery solved!

Grover is awesome, as is Kermit. Of course, if we're drawing from the whole muppet crew I'd have to be Janice, the band member with the bangs and big lips. Just 'cuz.

LMAO @ "butch top vs. femme bottom!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

OM - EW! I can't believe you would choose to be the garbage can. Yuck! You are a bit Oscar the Grouch-ish, though... if Oscar liked titties. Maybe he does! Who knows?

Chapped lips? I had no idea. Maybe he needs some Burt's Bees. yuk yuk.

MtnMama said...

We are going to overlook the fact that he’s male, and go with Grover. (I’m really old school SS, and don’t know most of the current characters)

Grover speaks a little more formally than some of the other muppets, and is known to break into song for no apparent reason. He is introspective, blue, and likes to be helpful, though this doesn’t always work out. Grover has had many different jobs, with varying success. He tries to be instructional to others, and often injures himself, and was afraid of the dark.
Grover is friendly and bumbling and likes travel and has a lot of genuine exuberance for his friends. He is often misunderstood. He has an alter-ego.

And kids and other animals like Grover, although some of the muppets get exasperated with Grover at times. Seems like a perfect fit to me!

Elliott said...

And can you believe that I apparently forgot to stalk the second time, too?

Harmony said...

Frank! I was going to say Snuggleufagus. Now I don't know who I am.

Anonymous said...

fuckleoffugus? i like that one.

Bev, this question is entirely too deep for me to forumlate a quick answer... so, quickly i will just say that i would be Grimace from McDonaldland.

*i dig that shade of purple (but not in a crazy cat lady way)
*i like to eat

Frank Irwin said...

Harmony, there's enough room for both of us! Do you want the front or the back?

Harmony said...

Ha! Answering that would clearly defeat the purpose of not choosing either Bert or Ernie.

Samsmama said...

Can't everybody see Snuffie now? I remember him being invisible when I was a kid, but last time I watched SS I thought he was "out".

I'd be the Count, just so I could obnoxiously tally up the number of glasses of wine I go through in a night.

Organic Meatbag said...

I am green and shaggy like Oscar... and I also drop a deuce in a garbage can from time to time...

Bev said...

MtnMama - I love all the thought you put into your selection! Grover is pretty awesome. He's the original, smarter Elmo, if you ask me.

Elliott - Cue Nelson Muntz, "Ha Ha!"

Harmony - You can be Snuffy too! The thought of you and Frank in the costume is making my day. I suggest that you take the BACK. Frank strikes me as being the hands-y type.

Anon- OMFG. I laughed so hard at the Grimace thing!!! HAAA! I love Grimace. Of course, I love purple (duh) and I love that he's so dopey and round. Right fucking on.

Smama - LOL! Now you're gonna have me doing that all night tonight. "One! One glass of vine. AH AH AH. Two! Two glasses of vine! AH AH AH!" and so forth.

OM - EEK! TMI, dude.

Frank Irwin said...

Samsmama, can the Count count past 10?

Samsmama said...

I dunno. After 10 glasses of wine I can't either.

Frank Irwin said...

Good point!

Bev said...

Frank, you're so close to overtaking OWV! Everybody chant!

FRANK! FRANK! FRANK! FRANK!

When you do it I shall jump up and down for you. Just FYI.

Samsmama said...

I'm no Bev but I'll jump with her. You can do this!

Frank Irwin said...

And do jumping jacks?

WV: worst

Bev said...

If that's what it takes, yes. But I can't speak for Samsmama.

WV: spectacular

;)

Samsmama said...

I'm in.

WV: Perky

Mala said...

Elliott, I'm so on to you!!!!

Damn.... I really don't know the characters on SS because my kids watch that shit TV "SpongeBob"... which would mean Squidward is kinda the Burt, and Spongebob is Ernie. So, I'll pick Sandy Cheeks.. Not only does she have the rockin' suggestive name, she's a rodent that kicks ass. Yes, I'll take her.
And yes, I KNOW she's not on SS and therefore, I didn't really answer the question properly, but damn, the only SS character I can think of is Gordon... so, fuck no.

LOL! my word verf. is bactene. These words are rigged for sure.

New England Girl said...

Hahah... hilarious post, although I never noticed how little attention Bert got until now. What a severe injustice. :) If I had to be any character, I'd probably be right with you: cookie monster. He's adorable and stupid and he just pulls it off. Seems like a pretty easy life. :)

Mala said...

Go Frank!!!!!
*jump, jump, jump*

Go.. Frank!!
*jump, jump, *gasp* jump*

Goooo..... *pant* frank
*jump* *pant* jump* *gasp*

go....

*thud*

'nuff exercise, where's my wine.



What the... word verf: jugicipe - all the ingredients for a nice rack!

MtnMama said...

HEY! I'm fine with being down in the list, but below OWV? Not okay! :(

And thanks, Bev. I AM an analyst, thank god I'm usually paid for it - I can't help myself.

MtnMama said...

oh - and my word verif on my last comment? imatter.
does it sense some kind of esteem issue?
then WTF with this one? marthyp
is that like Martha Stewart's urine?

Samsmama said...

Poor quality, but you get the idea.

Frank Irwin said...

I don't know if he was ever on SS, but my favorite muppet is Fozzy Bear.

Bev said...

OMG, you guys are da bomb!

NE Girl - Yay! Finally someone else wants to sit around and eat cookies with me. :)

Mala - Good job! Now drop and give me fifty!

MtnMama - You kill me!! Keep at it... I'll cheer for you too, though I doubt you'll enjoy it as much as Franky.
LMAO @ "imatter!" HAHAHA! Paging Stuart Smiley....

Samsmama - I love that! Eating cookies in bed... sounds like heaven.

Frank - See? I can totally picture you as Fozzie Bear! Love him!

MtnMama said...

I guess I DO have esteem issues, because I will do ridiculous things if someone is cheering (egging me on) - it is sad.

this time my WV wasn't so "interesting" = dybrone. Is that what you do to your hair, Bev? ;)

Frank Irwin said...

LOLOLOLOLOL @ dybrone!

MtnMama said...

and ya know, Bev, I think you should rethink your advice to Harmony about her choice of position in the Snuff costume. being in charge of that trunk could be really fun. just sayin.

Samsmama said...

Much, MUCH better than "drybone".

MtnMama said...

Much.

Bev said...

DUDES. Do not disrespect the hair!!!

Mary said...

holy fucking cow!
Ok- after reading all the posts, and laughing at most, and thinking back to when my kids watched it and I'd say I'm definitely Ernie... anyone remember when he was a blues saxophonist? ahhhhh put down the duckie!

Mala said...

Franky, you did it! You did it!
Now let's hope OWV doesn't spend the night commenting on posts from 2 years ago! "I like pickles"

And let's face it, there's no good position in regards to being zipped in a big red (extinct) mammoth costume with Frank.

Mala said...

Bev - was this post inspired by frank's freaky avatar? I see he's changed it now, but that creepy Ernie avatar was giving me nightmares!

Kate said...

40 comments is way too many for me to read, so if I am repeating what someone else said, suck it.

Someone's got to be the douchebag, and in this case, it's Bert. You can't have a "couple" without one. In the case of my marriage, I'm the douchebag.

JennyMac said...

hahaha..those pictures are awesome, especially Lenny and Squiggy. And Hall and Oates. Why so serious, boys? Look at their facial expressions!

Nicolasa said...

I have left you something on my blog!

Jillinator said...

oh my... I'm just sitting here laughing.... I was going to say Cookie Monster because I tend to be loud and one track minded sometimes... but if we can got to all muppets I'll shoot for Miss Piggy or Animal - Miss Piggy because she can be a bossy biatch, and Animal, well, Bev has on many occasions said that I'm a freak ;)

WV-carysanc (as in carysanc in ratings when he failed to comment)

Mr. Condescending said...

I would be oscar the grouch, but i'm not a grouch and I don't like garbage. I just like the guy!

Heidi Renée said...

I don't know why, but Bert was always my favorite of the two. He's always so frustrated by the idiocy of others.

outdoor wedding venues said...

Go Frank!
*jump, jump, jump* you can do it.

Cary said...

I'm Animal. I like my drums and tend to grunt a lot. I also have thick eyebrows.

I dunno, I think Beavis & Butt-Head are pretty evenly matched.

As for Bert & Ernie, Bert is the bear and Ernie is the cub, and the cub always gets more attention. The unibrow makes him look mean, too.