Tuesday, December 22, 2009

69, Dude! Plus, what is it about musicians...

that makes them so GD sexy?

I was watching SNL last weekend and the musical guest was Muse. I like Muse in small doses; I discovered them when I read the Twilight series because, as you may know, Twilight author Stephenie Meyer was inspired by the band while writing all four of her treacly vamp novels. She even goes so far as to thank them in the acknowledgement at the beginning of each book, which always cracks me up because here she is, this very proper Mormon mother of three, who loves somber, angsty Eurotrash music.

I remember going to iTunes and downloading their Black Holes And Revelations album right before we had a long car trip planned. Jim and I rocked it out in the car on the way to PA and found them to be enjoyable, albeit rather heavy for us at times. In fact, we dubbed them "Wyld Stallyns*," and you'd better believe there was a lot of air-guitaring and crazy-eyes going on in the car that day. What can I say? We commit.

I find some of their songs to be extremely sexy. I really love Supermassive Black Hole, Knights of Cyrdonia, and Uprising, for instance. They have a heavy bassline, keening vocals, and a sort of funky electronica element. I dig it.

The band, however, is kind of fug. Bad teeth. Skinny. Pale. Not my cup o' tea, looks-wise.

Yet, when I see them play like I did on SNL the other night I think they're sexy as hell. Why is that? What is it about musicians that makes my heart race and my knees part weak? Part of it is talent, yes; I have a thing for talented men, and I always have. But there is more to it than that.

Is it that they have rhythm? Does that fact somehow translate to some sort of carnal knowledge that they will be good in the sack? Is it that they're great showmen who can work a crowd, AKA: they've got confidence? Yes and yes. Is it the fact that they could, ostensibly, have any woman that they want? Yes.

So they're fug. I still think they're hot for some odd reason.

My husband is not a musician but he is a massive music lover. He plays no instruments but is a music collector and kindly gives my very different musical tastes a fair listen. He doesn't criticize me for liking alternative music and Lady Gaga and I don't criticize him for being a die-hard Dead Head.

Every other guy I have ever dated was a musician. I've even fallen for guys before I knew they were musically-inclined. I'm a band groupie from way back, apparently.

So, there's that.

* In other news, today a lovely reader named Anne became follower #69, DUDES!

Thanks for making my Festivus dream come true, Anne!! Welcome to the OOBH. We've been expecting you....

In about an hour I'll be enduring our annual Yankee Swap and potluck lunch here at My Crap Job. You may remember me griping about it last December in my Schweddy Balls post. Some things never change. I requested that S. make her Schweddy Balls again this year and she obliged, so at least I can pop a couple of those rum-soaked bad boys and get my buzz on. My motto regarding my cow-workers this year has been a simple one: Fuck 'em! I've been so much happier ever since I decided not to give a crap.

Hasta la vista, babies!


Jennifer said...

Thanks to your mention of "Yankee Swap" I am now singing "Yankee bean, Yankee bean" a la Elaine Bennis.

Your bloggery makes me chortle.

Jennifer said...

Thanks to your comment about "Yankee swap" I am now singing "Yankee bean, Yankee bean" a la Elaine Bennis.

Your blog makes me chortle. Someone needs to give you a book contract. Oh hell to the yeah.

Heather said...

I always enjoy good balls. I think music is great too. I practically think even Meatloaf is sexy when he's rockin out. Not really, but kinda.

Mala said...

Yay! It's "get lacquered at work" day! Woot! Will fun Bev make an appearance???? They're not worthy!

Congrats on 69!

Cary said...

Thanks for the subtle shout-out, sweetcheeks! I've got your thing right here.

Cary said...

Lacquer? I just met her!

Thanks. I'm here till Saturday.

Bev said...

Jennifer - "I like my Yankee beeeeeean!" Love that!! Glad I can make you chortle, too!

Oh, and did someone say book contract? Um, yeah - that'd be nice! BRING IT!

Heather - BALLS are always good, even Meatballs. But sexy Meatloaf... hmmm, if you say so!

Mala - Oh, Fun Bev was there even though I limited myself to 2 Schweddy Balls. They don't get the Full Monty, even after 6 years.

Cary - You're welcome! And thanks for the thing, too. How did you know that things are my favorite?

Shannon said...

The Muse on the left is nice to look at. The others, eh, not so much. I get the musician thing though. I watched the Rolling Stones on an SNL from '78 or so, and Mick was sporting neon yellow pants and a knitted cap with a ball on top, and my gosh if he wasn't the sexiest motherfucker ever to take the stage. Thank goodness I snapped out of the spell as soon as the performance ended or I might be in England giving birth to a thick lipped baby.

mo.stoneskin said...

I love Muse and really love writing while listening to them. If you have a thing for talented chaps then you should move over here...

Bev said...

Shannon - Yes, I agree. I actually almost put a little disclaimer in about the bassist/Muse on the left. I wouldn't kick him outta bed for eating Oreos.

Mo - Move across the pond? Believe me, I've been tempted, especially during my formative years when I thought the Earth revolved around Simon LeBon.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

In my acknowledgments for my MASTER'S thesis, I thanked Art Bell and Jimmy Buffet.

laurieliz said...

I was just noticing you had 69 followers...you dirrrrrrrty girl!

Who doesn't get turned on by a talented guy? Seriously, musicians make me hottttttt! I remember going to clubs where they had regular live bands and doing the whole groupie thing. Not the guys to marry but sho did have lots of fun ;)

Have fun at the Yankee Swap! May you score some decent booze or scratch tickets and not get stuck with a knitted stuffed Santa! :)

Senorita said...

I don't know what it is about musicians because they are not my cup of tea.

I just think most most musicians have an overinflated ego, and have buried their bones in too many "yards."

Sorry, I just had to say it.

I am 13 followers away from the #69

I will think of you fondly when I reach my lucky number :)



Samsmama said...

My mind is all over the place! Jennifer had me singing "Yankee Beans", then I was forming my comment about Schwetti balls when you mentioned them. I just can't keep up. And the bitch of it isn't that I didn't even know you had a new post, I was just stopping by. I was going to log in as my husband to get you the magical 69! Oh well.

P.S. I've always had a serious thing for drummers.

dogimo said...

I thought it was Cow-Orkers? Maybe that's just the people I ork with.

I think it's so funny that their band name is Muse, and they also serve in that capacity for She Wot Writes Twilight.

Kari said...

I am attracted to the hunchback lead singer from Keane and I have no idea why. I don't even particularly like their music.

I am constantly quoting Bill & Ted. If I had a nickel for every time I said, "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K", I'd have a shitload of nickels.

Bev said...

Jenks - Nice muses, both. I love the paranormal... and cheeseburgers too.

Laurie - I DID score the booze, thank you very much! And there WAS a freakin' stuffed Santa riding a reindeer! WTF?

Senorita - Ha! YES! Bones in the yard, for sure. That's why I got 'em when they were young and before they'd gotten too lucky or drugged-up. That is to say, before they were famous. ;)

Samsmama - I have a long history of drummers... so I feel ya on that one.

And aren't you sweet to try to help a sistah get to 69? Thanks for the thought, luv!

Dogimo - you "ork" with! That seriously cracked me up, but then again, I've been drinking....

j/k - good ones. Maybe it is cow-orkers. IDK, I'd have to ask Elliott 'cuz I think I heard the expression from him.

Kari - I double-dog-love you, you crazy biznatch. I also quote B&T all the GD time and think ill of people who don't get it. Oh, and every. single. night I pass the Circle K and think of that line.

Every. single. night.

So here's a nickle - buy yourself somethin' purty!

Kris said...

@Kari-I also have had unpure thoughts about the umm...guy from Keane (Tom is the lead), but I also love their music, and have seen them twice. I can't explain it, and it is especially weird that we are of such an age disparity that it disturbs me to think that I could very well have babysat him (and dare I think, spanked him as well?).
Must be the whole "What hidden depths are there to tap in a nerd?" question that has nagged me from time to time. I have issues.

dogimo said...

Hm. You know, Bev, I'm not a conspiracist by any means - I of all people can vouch for that! But this conveniently "Anne" person comes along, conveniently #69, and if you try to click on her profile to see just who she is and is she deserving of the honor or what, there's...nothing there. "Profile Missing." It's a little suspicious.

I'm not trying to intimate that anyone like say, you Bev, might set up a spurious ID for the specific purpose of being your own 69, but I'm just saying. Who is this Anne? She's ignited a storm of controversy, coming in here like that.

Nevertheless we welcome her with all our hearts. Our jealous-ass hearts.

Leanne said...

Ugh. Yankee Swap. Hate that game. I think they got it right on the Office calling it Nasty Christmas - you get something you really love and end up going home with ugly dishtowels. Bleh.

69!! Woohoo! I had a boyfriend in college who was obsessed with the number 69. Funny thing was, he was a virgin. Not for long, though....

PorkStar said...

Bev, I am a talented musician as well. Im not talking about my organ.. i mean, i play drums.... so, do you like me already? Pretty please? lol


Happy holidays

travellinbaen said...

After all these years, I can finally quit trying to figure out how Ric Ocasik and Billy Joel "did" it. Or did "it", perhaps. Thanks for the enlightenment.

PS, Scweddy Balls was/is the best thing to happen to Christmas since the Atari 2600.

MtnMama said...

Wow... all that wine and chocolate must have messed with my perception or something - sorry I'm late, Bevvers.

My ex Skip played guitar. So I get it. And the one on the left is okay, but good grief on the other two... probably the only time they get laid is while they are playing or directly afterward, before the magic wears off.

(I'm not missing pot lucks at work, despite really wanting to get back to the job thing. Communal Spit Exchange lunches really gross me out, especially after watching a lot of Hoarders. Hope you had a blast at yours)

Merry Festivus, my friend!

Bev said...

Kris - Now I need to go look up this Keane dude!

Dogimo - What a spurious accusation! I NEVER! I'm sure that Anne will be coming forward any minute now to clear my name....

Any minute, now.

Leeanne - WOOT! Way to go, lady! No one stays a virgin around Leeanne for long, yo. :D

Porkstar - Of course I like you! You don't have to play anything except your organ, which I know isn't a problem for you.

Travellinbaen - YES! Ric Okasic either has the best personality of any man, anywhere, or he knows an excellent witch doctor who makes long-lasting love potions.

MtnMama - THERE you are!! I was wondering... "was it something I said?" :)

I've never seen Hoarders but now I never want to.... I don't think I want to know what goes on in people's homes!

Kate said...

Does that "fuck'em" attitude work for in-laws too? If so, what's the secret to achieving that uncaring bliss?

I love skanky musicians too. What's up with that???