Thursday, December 17, 2009

Today's thoughts, in no particular order:

Each day I am edging closer to the brink of insanity because of the rattling of the rear hatch in my car. It started off as just a small squeak when I'd hit a bump or run over a squirrel (don't look at me like that) but now it's a constant, persistent rattling sound that occurs no matter how smooth the road surface and regardless of my speed.

Every day I intend to ask my husband to come out with a screwdriver and tighten up the latches to fix it because he had success quieting it once before. By the time I get into the house, unburden myself of my coat, boots, and various holiday packages, I inevitably forget to mention it. Or, I'll mention it and Jim will then forget to go out and do it, so either way I end up back in the car at 7:30 the next morning cursing my noisy rear entrance.

Oh, come on, you KNEW I had to make a noisy rear entrance remark. This is ME, people.


It's below-zero here this morning so my hair froze in the 1 minute it took me to walk from the door to the car. I really need to remember that air-drying is never an option in December, even when I'm so bundled up that I resemble a Jawa, as I was this morning. I hate it when my hair freezes because:

1. It's bad for your hair. Duh.
2. It guarantees a horrible flat, staticky hair day.
3. I might catch Swine Flu and diiiiiiieeeee. Ok, probably not, but still. I could.


Those of you who subscribe to comments probably saw that our friendly neighborhood Asian spammers were back last night. I had comment moderation on for over a week and got exactly two comments to reject in that time. Turn off comment mod and within two days I have TWENTY-FIVE spam comments overnight. FMFL!


By this time tomorrow morning I can go off my doctor-mandated diet of twigs, reeds, and assorted berries. YAY!!! I will try not to go salt-crazy after restricting all things tasty for the past 10 days (minus last Saturday night, when I ch-ch-cheeeeeeated. Shhh), but I will be having a very naughty lunch tomorrow. I don't want to give it away, but it rhymes with Shocko Hell, and I CANNOT WAIT. Don't hate. I know it's disgusting, but sue me - I'm a fan, man.

Today, however, I'm having a bland chicken stir fry over plain, unsalted rice, and for dessert: a pear. Try not to be too jealous, ok?


Tomorrow night is my company's dinner party. Considering how much I dislike talking to my coworkers under normal circumstances, the opportunity to mingle with them socially in the company of our spouses does not particularly appeal to me. This year Mala and her hubby aren't even going! Now I will be forced to make small talk with the toolbags instead of simply ignoring them & talking to Mala while I drink free wine & eat spicy Seafood Fra Diavolo like I usually do. Crud.


Eight more shopping days till Christmas. I'm officially hosed.

Later, taters. Stay warm!


tracey said...

so glad to hear that the dr imposed prison diet is coming to an end. yay!

as for the party, drink copious amounts of wine so you can at least give the toolbags something to talk about, plus you'll find everything way funnier and more interesting. win-win for everyone.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Hello friend. You may be interested in our new product. It is very good and only vaguely smells of dog's ass. If you want, I can send you free sample. Pleased to be sending me your credit card numbers and do not be forgetting that little three digit thingy on the back for faster response time. I am sure you will want to have these product in your home forever and ever. Maybe give friend for holiday. Just send credit card numbers. And boob pictures. We likey boobs.

MtnMama said...

My car has been in two (completely not my fault) collisions, and so now it makes a variety of odd rattling noises. I'm the kind of girl who meticulously takes care of her toys, so that really bugs me. Plus, my kid says "what is that?" a LOT.

I can't wear wet hair out the door due to it's Very Special texture, but I LOL at the picture of you with frozen hair. Cuz I love you.

Love me some Bell, too. We can't be snobby about everything...
My condolences on the Holiday Work Party. Sounds painful.

Brooklyn ML said...

I bet those rabbit pellets look the same coming out as they do going in. Enjoy your salty, shweaty treats!

Frank Irwin said...

Having my nose hairs freeze up when I walked out the door is one of the things I miss about MA winters.


When I was house hunting in MA, my real estate agent made a point to drive me past the nearest Taco Bell on the way to view a house, so I'd have a point of reference.

WV: joyses - What I get when I read Out of Bev's Head.

Cary said...

Oh how I wish I could join you for that naughty lunch. Coupla shocko supremes and some nachos with hot peppers. That's how I Bell.

Bev said...

Tracey - Great plan! I'm definitely going for a "cross-eyed and giggling" level of inebriation tomorrow night. They can suck it!

mjenks - HA! You nailed it, but, where do i send my credit card #s and naked pics? Since you didn't say I guess I'll just send them to somebody else. Einy, meeny, miney, mo....

MtnMama - yes - "We can't be snobby about everything." Indeed we can't. I'm rather undiscerning about many things -- I'll drink cheap wine, I'd eat a hotdog off the floor of Fenway Park (though that's really Mala's forte), and I have been to a gun show within the past 6 months. Salt of the Earth? Yeah, that's right. :)

Brooklyn - IF I poo'ed, it would be in pellet form, definitely. But I don't.

Frank - Ah, frozen nosehairs, I know them well. I can't believe you miss that! I miss warmth, and sunshine, and flowers. *sigh* Only 5 more months till I see those things again!

Oh, and you give me joyses everytime you comment, so thank you!

Cary - If you're ever in NH we will go on a Shocko Hell date. I will have the 3 Shocko meal with a Diet Pepsi, and lots of Fire sauce. Because that is how I Bell.

New England Girl said...

Ah, come on... your diet sounds like fun! All of those tasty, delicious options. :) Why would you ever want it to end?! And get that rear hatch fixed, woman. We can hear you all the way on my side of the state! :)

Mo said...

Whoo-hoo! I get credit card numbers and boob pics! Happy holidays!

Kari said...

Fucking squirrels.

Mala said...

After a visit to the Shocko Hell your rear entrance is bound to be noisy!

Try to enjoy the party without me. I'll be sitting at a 3 hour Nut Cracker dress rehearsal.
On second thought, ditch the party and meet me behind the theater... I'lll bring the booze!

Frank Irwin said...

Other side of the state, NEGirl? What is that, like 2 blocks away?

LOL @ Mala's noisy rear entrance comment.

Stacie's Madness said...

i love shaco hell.

PorkStar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
PorkStar said...

"cursing my noisy rear entrance" <--- LMFAO

"Officially hosed".... <---LMFAO

Bev said...

NE Girl - Yes, it's a delicious diet. Of course, it's healthy for me, which is probably why I can't stand it. Sigh.

Mo - Ha ha. Funny guy. ;)

Kari - I think that's a felony in at least 4 states.

Mala - You know a noisy rear entrance (or exit) never stopped me from running for the border!

Frank - NE Girl is in NE Mass, which as you know, is close to nada. Well, except NY and VT.

Stacie - You can come with me and Cary on our Shock Hell date!

Porky - I live to please.

Frank Irwin said...

I thought NE Mass was near Maine, but it's been a while since I've been up there.


Bev said...

HAHA! Yes, Frank, they moved it. Didn't you know?

*cough* That should've been NW. I blame wine.

dogimo said...

I used to love chipping chunks of ice out of my hair after waiting for the bus in the morning! (the SCHOOL BUS) But I didn't realize it was bad for my hair.

Love a good Seafood Fra Diavolo. Place I used to go in Smithville...lobster, scallops, angel hair...

Senorita said...

Thank goodness I live in CA where hair freezing isn't a problem.

Carol from said...

Hope you had fun at the company dinner. I 'd accompany my husband to his company's Christmas dinners back in the day when they still had them. Even though they were a bunch of d-bags, I'd manage to get a couple bottles of wine down and have fun. Only risk is saying something truthful, like "has anyone ever told you your such a fuffkin ass?"

Jillinator said...

at least free fancy food that you can eat... it would've sucked even more if there was good free food and you couldn't even eat it! hope you guys had fun! Crap... you probably could've used a babysitter... ask for crying out loud... we're right down the road! If I'd have been a better blog stalker, um, I mean follower, I'd have read this sooner and offered ;)

call me... Mala's supplying... we can meat her behind the theater. Ooops... too many bloody mary's... can't drive (but at least I'm not drunk enough to go out in the 2 degree weather hot tubbing like I'd planned... WAY too cold to be outside undressed). sigh, too much writing... too much vodka... I'll go now... i'm a

word verf: "spaske" as in the rest of my unfinished sentence

Mala said...

Hey, did the Jillinator say she was going to "meat" me behind the theater. kinky..... That would have added an interesting twist to last night's festivities....