Friday, January 8, 2010

I am the walrus.

Ok, so happy Friday! Yay - we made it through another week. We rule!

For the first order of business this AM I need to pass along a truly disturbing and hilarious clip I found on Dlisted. It's NSFW only if you think seeing a walrus pleasuring himself orally might get you fired, otherwise, knock yourself out!

Welp! I'm awake!!!

What's goin' on, beautiful people? I'm just kickin' it at work. It's dead today and I do wish my boss would just take a day off, but no. I'm sure he'll be in to try to find some menial and pointless task to keep me busy, and I will do it half-assed because I know that in the end, it just doesn't matter. He's happy, I'm happy-ish - everybody wins!

Speaking of Beautiful People, have you all heard of the online dating website that only allows attractive people to join? BP was in the news this week because apparently they kicked a bunch of members out after they gained some holiday poundage, thereby rendering them unworthy of mingling with the other hotties on the site.

Their process is that once someone joins, they must post a photo. During the next 48 hours the other site members vote on whether they're beautiful enough to be members of the elite site. Then, it seems that every photo they post of themselves gets monitored just in case they let themselves go and have an extra slice of cheesecake or something.

Hmmmm. How do we feel about this? I admit that I was kind of appalled that such a blatantly superficial and demoralizing site exists, but since I'm a live & let live kinda gal, I don't question their right to have a club that discriminates on the basis of looks. I guess. It's like if there was a club for only blonds or chubby-chasers; it's a free country, right? It just seems wrong, though, right? Hmmmm.

As Groucho Marx said, "I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member." True 'dat, buddy!

What are your thoughts on the matter? Or, have I scarred you so badly with that walrus video that you've gone all Oedipal and gouged out your own eyes? Some things cannot be unseen, I know. Sorry 'bout that.

But you love me anyway, because I am a crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess. You heard me.

Enjoy your weekends!


Organic Meatbag said...

Goo goo, ga-fuckin'-joob!! Did you know that is literally my favorite song of all time by any band? It is... you must have been a naughty girl letting your knickers down, Bev...hehehe

Kate said...

I do believe we had an understanding that you would not post that picture of me. bitch.

Frank Irwin said...

Picture, Kate, or video?


Actually, I can't see the video where I'm at. I'll look at it when I get home.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said... the best video...ever posted on the internet.

I can finally say, without any hesitation, thank you, Al Gore. Thank you for creating the internet.

I'm sorry for making fun of your beard.

calicobebop said...

I heard that about the BP site this week on the morning news. I guess I'm just not a fan of anything that is so judgmental. Still, since I'm not a member nor ever shall be, I suppose it really has no effect on me what-so-ever. Personally, I think they need to get over themselves.

And yes, thanks for that "wake up" call. It was, um... enlightening?

Kate said...

Just had a baby Frank, not interested in all that right now. :)

MtnMama said...

What cracked me up was the guy who was so disgusted ~ like if he could bend that well he wouldn't be ON IT.

Those dating sites are superficial?! It was just a matter of time before at least one was marketed that way; there's always been a certain percentage of people who want to believe they deserve "the best" - whatever it is. And it's only good enough for them if it's exclusive and difficult to achieve. So I'm not surprised at all. But is it wrong? Only in the sense of "do you want to be a douchebag" kind of way.

Bev said...

OM - Yes, I have been naughty! Glad you like the song.

Kate - Ooops, sorry! I, erm, forgot?

Frank - You're missing out, brotha. Wait till you get home; you'll be having walrus-envy, I assure you.

Mjenks - YES! I thought so too. I'm not usually moved to hilarity and repulsion simultaneously, so I knew this was a winner.

Calico - Yes! They should get over themselves. Annoying pretty people suck.

MtnMama - most men would never leave the house again, I'd waiger. And yes, I think being a douchebag is a definite requirement for joining a dating site called Beautiful People! Ick.

Elliott said...

From what I understand, being beautiful is all relative to the size of one's steeple...

And I watched the butchered network version of Lebowski last night, thanks for the poster of Donnie.

Frank Irwin said...

Most men would never leave the house again, and women would have to start buying their own drinks.

Cary said...

Good for BP -- all the douchebags in one convenient place. Now where'd I put my hand grenades?

onebadmamajama said...

Walrus video..I'm at a loss for words lol "He's S'ing his D!" HA!

As for the dating's a gimmick. They are all like that, only with different names;)

Word verif: hawerous (I'm sure there's a walrus joke in there somewhere;) )

Senorita said...

I wish I could be an animal sometimes and please myself whenever and not give an eff.

I remember joining a social site like that once a few years ago, where people voted you hot or not.

I wasn't voted in. I was offended at first, but I got over it. They rejected me over one picture.

I don't think it's wrong. It's based on what others think of you. If others don't find you or I attractive, why would you want to make them let you in ? Then you would just be resented.

I think it's just fine. There are clubs for married people who want to have extra marital affairs ( I think that is wrong) There are also chubby chasers, men who only want blondes. There is something for everyone.

Dating is not like hiring somewhere where there is no discrimination allowed.

Dating is full of "discrimination". We all have our preferences. I prefer certain ethnic backgrounds over others. I prefer men with the same education as I. I prefer a man who is somewhat in shape. I am not looking for friends. I am not looking for a business partner. I am looking for a man to sleep with, go out with and maybe marry. Of course I will be a little discriminating.

Okay, off my soap box

dogimo said...

Beautiful People eh? I think I too am on the live and let side of that one, Bev. The kicked-out members certainly don't have any basis for complaint. Anybody joining a site with such an uproariously superficial, judgmental premise deserves the emotional scarring they get, if they fail the standard they themselves endorsed and embraced.

I'm just stalling, here, because I have no words to describe how funny that walrus vid is. You go, walrus. No shame in your game!

New England Girl said...

I couldn't even click on that video... the thought of what would happen is too much!!

Anonymous said...

i just spent an hour watching animals masturbate on youtube. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!? thanks, bev for opening up an entirely freaky side of my personality that i was not prepared for. hoofah!

meh. i don't think the so-called "beautiful people" site is any more ridiculous/judgmental/dumb than say, a fetish site for midgets with 4 toes on their left foot. what about those poor normal sized people with 5 toes on their left foot?

okay, i'm not making any sense.


Lindsey Himmler said...

I totally tried to join that site a few years ago. Was totally rejected. Jerks.

I'm glad that when I took my students to the zoo, we didn't see the walrus tank.

Bev said...

Elliott - what about your steeple?

Frank - I'll buy my own drink if I never have to see a man try to get his own dick in his mouth (again).

Cary - Yes, exactly! Great plan.

OBMJ - there is definitely a walrus joke in there somewhere, but I can't find it either. Sigh.

Senorita - YOU were rejected? WTH?! That's insane. Have they SEEN you? Good golly. If I applied they'd probably never stop laughing!!

Dogimo - I love that comment, and not just because you agreed with me. Ok, mostly because of that, but also b/c "no shame on your game" is awesome.

NE Girl - I felt the same way at first, but I muddled through. ;)

Anon - HAAAAAAA!! Omg, I so needed this laugh today. THANK YOU! Sorry I broke ya. It happens. Go have a milkshake (heh heh, but not at Sea World) and you'll feel better. On second thought, make it wine.

Lindsay - See my comment to Senorita above. It applies to you too. WTF?! Who gets in, exactly? Sheesh!

Frank Irwin said...

Lindsay, were you wearing the moustache when you applied?

Mala said...

Damn, late to the party.

I second Cary's comment. And Franks!

PorkStar said...

The video <---- ROFLMFAO many times

That's a pretty damn big c0ck that animal has. Although it seems to be the dream of every man to ba able to pleasure himself, it definitely is not mine. I have two hands for that.

The mustache/whiskas and the tusks would freak me the hell out in that area. That's like his own s/m demolition equipment right there.

About the website thing, the exwife and I used to belong to another club in the very raunchy department that was actually way more sexist and discriminatory than BP. Matter of fact, it still exists here in NY but a little too expensive to keep being on it.

That's why i can't comment on BP's doings and stuff.

Frank Irwin said...

When he says, "I don't understand why he's doing that," he really means, "I wish I could do that."

Maybe if he asks the walrus nicely....


Lindsey Himmler said...

Frank - Are you insulting my 'stache? I thought it lent me an air of dignity.

Frank Irwin said...

Nay! Nay! Lindsay! I like a woman with facial hair!

Jillinator said...

OMFG - that is one long schlong. wow. 'nuff said

oh, except wv is bonatogl... sounds like what the walrus was doing

Heidi Renée said...

What's funny is that I don't find either of the mascot-people on that Web site particularly attractive. I guess that means I'm a fug who wouldn't make it on the site.

Classy in Philadelphia said...

Yikes...that web site is just plain mean. I'd be scared to even create a profile!

dogimo said...

I've been sick the past 3 days, haven't left the house. Haven't bathed. Hair's a little matted and crazy-looking, 3-day growth of beard. Zit.

So it could be the fever, but I feel like now's the perfect time to snap a pic and send it in for consideration!

mo.stoneskin said...

Um, thanks for the nightmare fodder!

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Frank Irwin said...

Hey, Jon B., if there's one thing that I don't want to see on a dating website is a walrus pleasuring himself (or herself).

Thank you.