I'd post some vaguely creepy and funny (to me) status reports on Facebook. Why? Because I feel like it. It's kind of like my version of shooting a man in Reno just to watch him die.
I mind my manners on FB, and not just because my mom is one of those silent observers on my friends list who doesn't ever post anything but I know she can seeeeeeeee me. Not that her pseudo-presence has stopped me from being my usual pervy self at all; there's no force in nature that could transform me into a boring ol' prude.
No, I edit myself because I do believe that a little something called TMI exists when in the mixed company of FB and other social networking sites. Here on my own personal blog, however, I can be as crass and boob-centric as I want, right?
AND YOU WILL LIKE IT, gosh-darn it.
Ok, without further ado, here are some of my most recent status report rejects; I'd have loved to post 'em, but didn't due to my high levels of class and good taste. [cough] Shut up.
is regretting the lunchtime burrito that resulted in scorching, room-clearing gas.
thinks you're a dumbass.
just made sweet love to a bowl of Breyer's Vanilla Fudge Twirl.
is poppin' 'dat ass.
thinks people who write half-page status reports chronicling their every waking thought and bodily function (and those of their children) should probably get a fucking life and should definitely STFU.
absolutely loathes someone on her FB friends list. Is it you? Heh heh.
There, I feel better. Just had to get those out there.
In other news, this morning I heard SpongeBob utter the words, "Patrick, how are you gonna beat off two guys at once?"
That's all I got. I'm cranky as a mofo today, so my work peeps best leave The Bev alone or risk getting their heads bitten off. Seriously. I'm in no mood for BS.
All of the mock good will and harmony from the holidays has dissipated and I'm back to thinking they're all a bunch of whiny asshats with nothing better to do than bitch about the coffee machine or count the number of burned-out light bulbs in the lobby ceiling and report back to me. True story.
You, however? You I like.
Have a pleasant Thursday!