Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Malkovich, Malkovich?

The other day I had a fleeting thought, and since fleeting thoughts are sometimes my favorite kinds of thoughts, I thought I'd share it & pose a hypothetical question for you all to answer.

What if you could be anyone you wanted to be, that is - assume the body/identity of anyone you wanted, for say, 30 days? Whose life would you borrow? Why?

Of course those thoughts made me recall the movie Being John Malkovich, and one scene in particular. In this scene, actor John Malkovich discovers that not only is there a portal into his brain, but that a down-on-his luck puppetier (played by John Cusack) has been selling admission tickets to enter the portal and silently observe his life.

What happens when you enter your own personality portal? Thank goodness someone put the clip on YouTube so you can find out right now!



My husband and I both love this part of the movie and have a little inside joke pertaining to it. Whenever we're around a person who seems a little pompous and self-involved, one of us will mutter to the other, "Malkovich, Malkovich?" under our breath. Gets us giggling every time.

Being JM itself is an okay movie, but not one of my all-time faves or anything. It's like other movies written by Charlie Kaufman such as Adaptation (in which we see Meryl Streep get supremely and convincingly high on a crazy Everglade orchid), and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (a film I mistook for an acid flashback the first time I viewed it). I don't always like them the first time I see them, but I'm always intrigued enough to give them a second viewing at a later date. After the second viewing I am usually a fan, and the more times I see them the more I like them.

So anywho, who wants to answer my question? "Enquiring minds want to know!" Who would you be for 30 days with no consequences? Whose life would you overtake for that period of time? Someone famous? Not? Do tell, if you please. Come on... spill!

31 comments:

Mala said...

I'd be whoever is fucking Ralph Fiennes right now. Of course odds are it's some elderly, rich old bitty. sobeit.

Malkovich has a fabulous rack! For a second I almost picked him.

calicobebop said...

I'd be Elizabeth Bennet from the A&E version of Pride and Prejudice just so I could have Colin Firth all to myself. YUM!

(I hope fictional characters count!)

Kate said...

Oooooo...that's a good one Bev. What I would really like to say is that I would be someone like Jill Homer who is an Alaskan snow biker and outdoors enthusiast. But truthfully I would probably want to be Scarlett Johannsen (even though she pisses me off**) simply because of the whole Ryan Reynolds thing. Mmmmm....tasty goodness.


**However, I LOVED "Lost in Translation."

MtnMama said...

I've had the same reaction to movies like that - and it took me a while to warm up to BJM, but I get it now. Yes - great scene - I love your inside joke.
Calico's answer made me say bad words; Colin is MINE.

Hmmm... who would I be? Not a regular celebrity, as I think even for 30 days being hounded by camera jockeys would be insufferable, but someone rich and beautiful, so that I could jet around to wonderful places and have people scurrying to get me things. I would adore that for a while.

Shannon said...

I HATED Being John Malkovich-I couldn't finish the movie. And that hurt because I love Malkovich. I do however love Eternal Sunshine. I would be Tina Fey, which is lame because I'm sort of already like her.

Teresa said...

That is easy. Anglina Jolie.....I could do Brad pit at least 6 times a day!

Bev said...

Mala - Cruella D'Banging Ralph? Works for me!

Calico - Of course fictional characters count! Great choice.

Kate - Scarlett is an excellent choice! When did Ryan Reynolds become such a total HOTTIE?! I don't remember him looking that way during the Alanis years....

MtnMama - Yes, the whole point for me is to be pampered and catered to, so it has to be a famous person, IMO!

I had no idea you were such a closet Colin Firth fan! Good to know, good to know.... :)

Shannon - Watch it again, you might like it more! I pretty much hated it the first time I watched it, too. It grows on ya.

Tina Fey ROCKS!

Bev said...

Ok, for my own answer I am leaving a separate comment, all formal-like.

I am of two minds here. Part of me thinks I would inhabit the body of Lindsay Lohan so that I could set her on a better path in 30 days. I'd immediately assess her finances and get them handled by a pro, detox her bod and get her clean & sober, and just basically try to scrub the "skank" from her (along with several pounds of self-tanner, I'm sure) and get her back to working with awesome funny people like Tina Fey again.

I'd also have lots of sex in a skinny body with big boobs.

On the other hand, part of me wants to be completely frivilous and be Oprah or someone for a month. I just cannot imagine living such a priviledged life! How much of the world could I travel in that period of time? I'd find out, to be sure.

Bev said...

Oh, Teresa, I missed ya! Sorry -

Angelina Jolie? Why didn't I think of that?!!! Perfect!

Organic Meatbag said...

Bev, are you sure you'd want to be Lohan? Yes, a skinny body, but her vagina looks like Keith Richards' face...scary...

New England Girl said...

I've never seen that movie - I will have to add it to my list!

I am not sure who I would choose to be for 30 days... there are so many endless, fun possibilities. Especially the celebrities who don't take any responsibility for anything they do - woo hoo!

Cary said...

George Clooney. He gets the hottest poontang and lots of it.

I forgot about this scene in BJM and loved it. Like you, I didn't love the movie; liked Eternal Sunshine much better, probably because it had my Kate in it, although Catherine Keener is no slouch, either. I'd do 'em both. Together or separate, I'm not picky.

Cary said...

Oh.. love the inside joke!

Double comment. Not sorry. Working on my rank, anyway.

Anonymous said...

after reading all of the previous comments... i'm going to have to say scarlett also because she's fucking gorgeous and it would be neat to be that fucking gorgeous for a month AND for the whole doing ryan reynolds thing, of course. i have been in love with him since Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place!

now that i think about it, there is a part of me that would want to be someone NOT famous for a month - someone totally different than me - just to see what it's like. you know, someone like that weirdo, uber-religious, clown car for a vagina freak Michelle Duggar.

Senorita said...

I would be Adriana Lima. She is my favorite model, and I would love to look like that !

Frank Irwin said...

Seeing the comments here, I guess I'd like to be Ralph Fiennes, Colin Firth, or Brad Pitt.

Bev said...

OM - HAHAHAHA! But seriously, how do you know? Oh yeah, that's right, because she has shown it to us ALL a dozen times "by accident." Oh yeah. Crap! Is it too late to change my answer?

NE Girl - Don't be surprised if you don't like the movie right away. It takes time to grow on you like a fungus.... :)

Cary - Being George Clooney would be amazing, yes! He's gorgeous, rich, lives in Italy, has famous friends, and bangs lots of hot 'tang. He wins, for sure!

Oh, and double comment ALL you like, darlin'. I have an open-door comment policy... unless you are an Indian Spambot, then not so much....

Anony - OMFG. Your comment killed me!! Clown-car vagina woman, really? Hmmm... pass.

But Scarlett, yes. Oh, and I also loved RR on that sitcom from 100 yrs. ago! Coooool!

Senorita - She is beautiful, for sure! Great choice.

Bev said...

Frank!!! HAHAHAHA! You rule.

onebadmamajama said...

How thought provoking of you, Bev! Imagine all the havoc that could be wrought in someone else's body for 30 days, especially a celebrity!

That being said, I'm gonna have to go with Angelina Jolie. Then I'd start workin' on my long list of Hollywood hunks ;)

Frank Irwin said...

Whatsa matter, OBMJ? You don't know who Hugh Jackman is currently banging?

:-D

onebadmamajama said...

I assume he would be bangin' his wife. But I opted for Angie, cause I don't want to ruin the mystery of Hugh by being his wife and having to pick up and/or wash his dirty drawers ;)

Frank Irwin said...

Good point, OBMJ! LOL!

Lee said...

I'd be Stephen King, just to see what goes on in that man's head! He writes some seriously warped fiction and I've always wondered where he got his ideas.

If that weren't possible, I'd be Billy Graham from 30 years ago, the days of the Crusades in arenas and stadiums.

Completely differing choices, I know!

Samsmama said...

Lois Griffin. Because I really wanna party with Brian.

PorkStar said...

Probably Brad Pitt when women rained down on him, for that very same reason and / or Lexington Steel, for another, very big, important reason.

Bev said...

OBMJ - Yes, Angelina would be fun. I would probably spend the first day or two inside the Brangelina compound, fondling myself and hiding from her hoards of children.

THEN I'd start on my list, starting with calls to Jason Bateman and Bill Murray. Mmmmm.

Lee - Welcome! Wow, those are two different ends of the spectrum! Stephen King is one freaky mofo, and Billy Graham... um, same? Ha ha!!

Thanks for the comment!

Samsmama - I'm already like Lois, so that's not too exciting for me. I already have a vaguely annoying NE accent, shapely physique, and checkered sexual history with members of Kiss.

J/K! I really only have the physique. Ok, and the accent. Shit. Anyway, moving on....

Porky - Brad Pitt was quite delicious in his early days. These days he looks like a bad-temprered billy goat, but whatev.

Brooklyn ML said...

I'd be good old buttaface herself-Anna Paquin. I'd totally dump Moyer and get with Alexander Skarsgard, who is way hotter and has a cooler accent.

mo.stoneskin said...

I'd take over you. You're famous right?

dogimo said...

I was going to say Ralph Fiennes, I swear. But now I can't! It'd be creepy?

Bev said...

Ooooh, Mae, I love that choice! Though I'd go for Evan Rachel Wood, a (non-butterface) actress who was linked to Alexander recently. First order of business, kick Marilyn Manson to the curb for good and give Alex a call. Yeah baby!

Mo - Famous? Not in the slightest (except in my own mind, perhaps)! Taking over my life might be a bit of a let-down for you, but go nuts! Just let me know you're in there so I don't do anything... erm, embarrassing. Not that I do that. Often.

Anyway!

Dogimo - HA!!!! Nah, not creepy, and even if it was creepy we'd still like it. We love creeps here at the OOBH as long as they're friendly and witty!

laurieliz said...

Is that y you and Jim are always muttering "malkovich, malkovick" around me? Hmm....

What an amazing question! My thoughts go to someone who speaks several languages and maybe lives somewhere comfortably in Rome or Paris...

I would also LOVE to be in someone's mind like Albert Einstein (dead) or Dean Kamen (alive) or perhaps some artistic prodigy. My thoughts are that I would love to come back from my 30 days with something. Knowing a new language or having the ability to stretch my mind in some way. I would basically wanna see how the smarties live and how their minds work.