Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Game Time! Bang, marry, or smack?

It has been ages since we've had a rousing game of Bang, Marry, or Smack, so let's do this shizz!

You know the rules. Of the following celebs, which one would you bang like a screen door in the wind, ma-wwy like Princess Buttercup, or smack like a rude frat boy?

Feel free to choose both boys & girls - we don't judge.

The Ladies:

Professional Weight-Gainer Kirstie Alley

Funny Lady/Potty Mouth Sarah Silverman

Actress/GILF Betty White

The Guys:

Musician/reality star/bandana-wearer Bret Michaels

Singer/songwriter/blabbermouth John Mayer

Vanilla Gorilla/TV personality/philanderer Jesse James

Post your answers & join the fun. C'mon, you know you want to....


Elliott said...

That reminds me...I need to go get a piece of cake....

I'll be back...

Elliott said...

Mmm, cake. Where were we?

Ah, yes. Smack Kirstie Alley. Who keeps giving this woman airtime?

Bang the hell out of Sarah Silverman. She talks about her vagina like no tomorrow, it must be a good one.

Marry Betty White. She's old, I bet she knows stuff.

And normally I'd ice dancer up and categorize the men, but there's not enough liquor and ecstasy on the planet to make me endure that train wreck of syphilis.

Samsmama said...

Gonna have to smack Silverman. I honestly can't stand her. I'll bang Kirsty, just because. And I'd marry Betty. She's not only dirty and funny, she's up there in age. And rich.

You're killing me with the male options. Piece of shit cheater or not, I'll bang Jesse. If Sandra married him, he must not be too bad. Gotta smack Mayer. Can't stand him. Which leaves me marrying...ugh...I can't even say it.

Frank Irwin said...

Smack Kirstie for the same reason as Elliot.

Marry Betty for the same reason as Samsmama.

Bang Sarah, because she's left.

Samsmama said...

By the bye, I've seen two commercials in the last hour that feature a girl I went to high school with. I just needed to be known.

Samsmama said...

I just needed *that* to be known.

laurieliz said...

Very disappointed with these terrible options, Beverly, but here goes...

Bang Jesse James...He's a cheater but who cares...

Smack Brett...cuz I just shudderto think of the diseases this man has and could never bang him married or no...nope, not with a million condoms...

And Marry Mayer...and hope for a killah settlement when he inevitably cheats on me with some chic or dude...and yes, I would have his ass followed 24/7 so I had the evidence.

Bev said...

Elliott - GREAT! Now I want cake.

My female choices are the exact same as yours, but with Mary's "she's old" reasoning thrown in as well. What?

Smama - Have fun banging Kirstie. Heeeeeee

And I'm sorry about the male choices, I really am. I figured if I was gonna give the guys those three hags, I had to do likewise for the ladies. it's only fair.

Frank - Well done!

Smama - You went to HS with Flo the Progressive Lady? No? Ok, who is it? I must know!

Bev said...

Laurie - good reasoning there! I know the choices are bad... but I couldn't resist. Heeeee!

tracey said...

Kirstie - smack - I'm with Elliott

Sarah - smack - I don't like to wait in line & I'm guessing a woman who could sell advertising space in her vajayjay would have quite the traffic jam

Betty - Marry. I want to be that cool when I'm 100

Brett Michaels - smack - I need a dose of antibiotics just looking at his pic.

John - smack - I have no patience for whining.

Jesse - smack. i'm guessing there's a line up for this one too.

PS - loved Elliot's 'ice dancer up' line.

Elliott said...

I did mention that Betty is old.

And it was good cake, lemon with lemon cream cheese frosting. It's almost all gone, and Lori just informed me she's only had one piece. So yes, I've eaten half a layer cake in four days.

Mala said...

Bev - you forgot "weave-wearing" for BM.

OK, once again, I'm having an easier time picking the girls than the boys... ummm. NTTAWWT... I guess.

Fat Cow - Slap
Loud mouth - bang
Old Bitty - Marry, because I imagine she's a good cook.

King O'Skanks - slap... but with a rubber glove on.

Sir Whines-a-lot... SLAP!

That-Guy-Who-Used-To-Be-Married-To-Sandra Bullock - Slap... just coz.

I think I'll go back a cake now. Damn you, Elliott!

Liz Tee said...

Um... I'd do none of the above to none of the above, but I would like to split a large bottle of wine with Betty White. And who knows where that might lead?

As for the men? Please. I'm not even sure who that Brett douche is but his photo frightens me.

@Samsmama: WTG! And in that vein, may I announce that my daughter will be appearing on As The World Turns in two episodes between today and Friday. ;)

And my sister was in high school with Vivica Fox, although her name was Angel Fox then.

Lindsey Himmler said...

Yeah, all the boys are horrifying. Just thinking about having to choose makes me shudder. If I HAVE to pick one...

Smack Bret because I never liked him.
Marry John Mayer - I used to love him when he first started. Maybe over time he could shut his mouth.

Bang Jesse - Might as well get in line. Vanilla Gorilla has to mean something, right?

Bev said...

Tracey - I agree, I'd like to smack all of the men as well. But, rules are rules, though you'd better believe I'd be wrapping every inch of myself in plastic wrap to even get in the same bed with any of them.

Elliott - Nobody likes a braggart. ;)

Mala - Ah yes, the weave. I'd bet money that it's actually attached to that bandana, like one unit. Ha ha, I said unit.

Liz - I would also like to drink with Betty. Something tells me she gets a little wild.

Lindsey - Oh yes, I hear he comes by that nickname quite honestly. Still, double (or triple!) bag that shit....

MJenks said...

This one's easy, Bev.

Smack Kirstie Alley, or at least smack the brownie out of her fist as it makes its descent toward her gaping maw.

Bang the hell out of Sarah Silverman until my dick is blue.

Marry Betty White...act sad at her funeral, roll naked in a pile of money that I "legally" inherited.

MJenks said...

So, I had to give this one some thought.

Smack Brett Michaels, cause he's a douchenozzle.

Bang John Mayer, just so I can hold that over Jessica Simpson's head.

And, marry Jesse James, because he'll just fuck someone else and we can split up. And then I roll naked in a pile of alimony money.

Senorita said...

I believe the other name for this game is "Fuck, Marry, Kill".

I wouldn't marry any of the three.

I would smack Jon Mayer.

And bang Jesse and Bret. And that's because they probably know where the clitoris is since they've seen it so many times. But since I know they are complete manwhores, I would demand tons of protection.

Bev said...

Jenks - I love how prominently rolling naked in piles of money figures into your reasoning! Such a sentimental guy, I can tell....

Who am I kidding? I'd marry Betty White for her money too!

One last thing... Jimmy Kimmel got there first. Just sayin'.

Senorita - Yup, that's what Howard Stern calls it. I, however, am slightly less obnoxious and mean, so I soften it ever-so-slightly so as not to include murder. Because I'm nice like that.

Good choices, though just b/c John M. and Vanilla Gorilla have had lots of sex doens't mean they're good at it. :-p

onebadmamajama said...

Lordy, what a horrible bunch (men and women) to pick from! I'm gonna have to go with slappin' everyone but Betty. I might marry her, but I'd have to see the financial report first cause I don't wanna be marryin' that shit and there be no money at the end of the rainbow. IYKWIM?

Harmony said...

First, Professional Weight-Gainer..made me laugh so hard that it hurt my stomach.

Then I got a look at our options and felt like throwing up. Yay!

I'd smack Bret Michaels..mainly because he won't stop telling people the story behind Every Rose has it's Thorn. We get it!

Bang John Mayer...I'd like to see what all the talk(even if it is just him talking) is about.

Leaving me to marry Jesse James..I hate that fucking guy. At least I won't have to touch him.

Anonymous said...

The Women--
Fuck Sarah Silverman. Because she's dirrty.
Marry Betty White. Because she's old and would have SO much shit to talk about.
Kill Kirstie Alley. Put her out of her misery.

The Men--
Fuck Jesse James. Because I hear he has a big cock.
Marry Jon Mayer. I read the playboy interview and I think we are soulmates.
Kill Bret Michaels. Because Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

dogimo said...

See, I need to just bang, marry AND smack Sarah Silverman, but only smack in, you know, the good way. Ahem.

Okay, to penalize myself for screwing that up, I'll answer the dude side straight and rules-y.


Bang Jesse James, but only because there's no WAY I'm not smacking John Mayer. And it goes without saying I need to marry Bret.

So he can stop doing that damn show.

Plus I wrote a pretty great song "Will You Stay Here In This House And Rock My World?" which I originally thought, hey, maybe sell it to him - but what could be even more perfect than to have him sing it to me at our wedding?

I don't know what he'll do if he finds out about Sarah.

Ginger said...

Elliott - damn you for making me want cake this early in the morning.

And I would like to smack all three men. My vagina is recoiling at the mere thought of being anywhere near one of them.

Cary said...

Bang Sarah

Marry Betty (like Elliott says, she's loaded)

Show Kirstie the door before she eats all my Girl Scout cookies. Which reminds me, I need to add her to my People I Don't Want To Follow In The Crapper list.

Cary said...

Oh.. and I'm not banging any dudes but I would love to beat John Mayer like an undocumented worker.

MtnMama said...

Where the fuck have I BEEN? Oh, yeah... sick as hell... okay, well, this didn't make me feel much better, Bevsters.
Except for Betty, that's a skanky crew you cobbled together.
I'd bang AND marry Betty. She's awesome. She's been smart AND salty for years - long before it was in vogue.
Kirstie is contemptable. Sarah is too annoying. I liked her for 5 minutes and then I just wanted her to shut up.
The men are yucky. I like Mayer's music okay, but he looks like he cries.
Jesse is just too sleazy, (WTF was Sandra EVER thinking, long before the shit hit the fan) and Bret is gross. Never saw what anyone ever saw in him, and lose the stupid ugly hat already!
Now I need more cough syrup, because I upset myself.
And Elliott made me laugh.

Nej said...

Let's see...for the guys, smack, marry and bang.

For the girls (what? I'm equal opportunity when it comes to these questions!)....smack, bang, marry. :-)