Monday, March 29, 2010

Excellent First-Impressions Are Kind of My Thing

Good morning! How are my adorable & oh-so-lovable readers this morning? I hope you're all doing well. I've got a minor case of the Mondays, but nothing I can't handle. It's a gray, rainy day 'round these parts and I want nothing more than to fake a plague and go home early, but I will tough it out. I think. We'll see.

The weekend was nice. We went to a super fun dinner party at Mala's house on Saturday night. They recently met a nice couple whose kids are the same ages as Mala's kids, and they thought we'd like them too. They were right - we all hit it off immediately and had a great time together. We're all very down to earth, which is good because the second we met I blurted out,

"Do you have a bag of poo? 'Cuz I do!"

Let me explain. We had arrived about 45 minutes before they did and we had already dipped into the first of many bottles of wine. Mala was setting out plate after plate of amazing appetizers and we were happily snacking and chatting when my 2 y.o. wandered his stinky self in and sat next to me, asking for cheese. As fate would have it and because I am an amazing mother (ahem), I had brought a few diapers with me but hadn't bothered with wipes. I mean, the kid had already crapped twice that day, so I figured we were cool on the numero dos, right? WRONG.

So J and I grabbed him and some wet paper towels and took him to the bathroom to take care of bidness just as Mala was greeting E & M at the door. We were quick and thorough, but when all was said & done I was left holding a plastic shopping bag containing the world's stinkiest diaper. Obviously I didn't want to just put it in the bathroom or worse, in the kitchen trash, so I slunk into the kitchen amidst all the hubbub of introductions, coat-taking, etc, and tried to get Mala's attention to ask where to stash my bag of crap. E & M had brought their dog, and E was holding a similar looking bag and looking as bashful about it as I was, and since I'm kind of the gregarious type (What? You haven't noticed?) I stuck out my hand and used that little ice-breaker above.

I'm not sure he knew quite what to do with me, especially when it turned out that his bag contained not dog poo but dog food, but he had the good manners to laugh and I'm pretty sure I won him over by the end of the night. Hopefully he didn't mind the rather inauspicious start to our friendship.

Oh, and he ended up getting reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally partied-out by the end of the night; as in, he slipped into a semi-catatonic state and didn't speak or move for at least an hour until my husband had to help him to his car so his wife could drive him home.... So I think we're even. :)

We played some Guitar Hero, but I was playing terribly. I was tipsy, sure, but even drunk I usually do better than 64%, which was my average during this session. It wasn't until Mala picked up the guitar later that she realized that I had been playing in left-handed mode the whole time, which explains why everything on the screen was backwards. OOOOPS. Oh well, at least I'm not losing my GH skillz - I was worried! It's bad enough that I can't belt out the tunes, don't take my awesome ax-wielding talents too!

On Sunday I spent most of the morning shuffling from couch to fridge and sipping water. Yes, I had the mother of all Box O' Wine-induced hangovers. J had gotten up and out early to go skiing and my oldest son slept really late since he'd been up running with the pack of kids the night before, so it was just me and M watching Curious George for most of the morning.

The one good thing about a bad hangover is that I won't feel like imbibing again for a loooooong while. This is especially good news for my ass, which seems to have expanded recently when I wasn't paying attention. Sigh. It's time to buckle down because we're going on vacation in Florida at the end of April and I don't want to be mistaken for Shamu when we hit Seaworld. So no booze this month... except for when we go see Get The Led Out in Boston in two weeks. Other than that, I'm determined to shrink my assets before stuffing them into a tankini and hitting the chaise lounge!

I'm also considering trying a spray tan before we go, which sounds like excellent blog-fodder... especially if I end up looking like an Oompa Loompa, as I suspect that I will. Stay tuned!

Wish me luck! Have a great day. *MUAH*


BigSis said...

You crack me up, girl. I wish you were my neighbor and we could hang out!

I'm in a surprisingly good mood today, so I'll share my sunshine with you, k?

Elliott said...

I may not know anything about Guitar Hero or related products, but why, oh why, is Jim wearing a cosmonaut helmet?

No need to bring a bag of poo with you when we get together next month. Just sayin.

Mala said...

I don't remember any of this... so that's for the recap.

Mala said...

FML! That would be "thanks for the recap."

Senorita said...

I would looooove to hear all about that spray tan experience.

I wish you were my neighbor.

I think it's hilarious that your son came in and asked for cheese after taking a stinky dump.

Rich Girl Red said...

Bev, as always, your weekends sound SO much more exciting than mine! Bag o' poo--what? Doesn't everyone have one?

I'm going to be in St. Augustine, FL in late April--girl trip! Can't wait. Good luck with your spray tan. I won't go that route again. I've only tried it once and a pasty white girl like me just ends up looking like I just auditioned for "Last of the Mohicans."

Bev said...

BigSis - Thanks! I wish we were neighbors too. :) Thanks for the sunshine....

Elliott - What? Hmm, I dunno, that's a dealbreaker! Have poo, will travel.

Oh, and doesn't everyone wear a cosmonaut helmet when rockin' out? No? Never mind then.

Mala - You are the hostess with the mostest!! Sorry I humped your leg, but I know you're used to it.

Senorita - Same here! Saw a movie on Friday night featuring San Fran and I thought of you! And sure, cheese is always recommended after pooping one's pants. Naturally.

RGR - LMAO! I am afraid I'll have the same thing going on, but I must try. I am so white after not seeing the sun since last August that I'm pretty sure the glare from my legs would cause traffic accidents. Seriously.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

You're so funny! I'm with you on the diet, Girl! I also am dreading "stuffing my assests" into my summer wear! Wish I could find some frigging motivation!!

onebadmamajama said...

I'm soooo totally jealous of your box o'wine and bag o'poo dinner parties:)

I find it hard to believe that anyone would mistake you for Shamu;)

Carol said...

Funny about the poo greeting. Wonder if he remembers.

I did the spray tan thing once. I went into jazzercise right after and the whole class opened their mouths at the same time, not in awe but GASP. Like the Seinfield episode, it was mid-winter. The rub on stuff is way better.

Bev said...

Anything - If you find motivation, please let me know! The only thing motivating me right now is that my very favorite jeans won't zip, and that bums me WAY out.

OBMJ - Aw, thanks! Still, gotta lose a few. I am too poor to buy new clothes!

Carol - Yeah, I'm kind of afraid of that! I want them to go light. We'll see. I am not nuts about the rub-in kind because it smells funny!

Samsmama said...

My "go to" jeans are getting a little too snug for my liking. I decided today that April 1st will kick off diet season, as I want to hit the pool this summer.

I busted out laughing at that picture of Mala! (I mean that in the nicest possible way!) But she looks truly maniacal. Love it! And the next picture? Holy cleavage, Batgirl!

*I'm watching "Lady Gaga Takeover" right now. Geez, her tiny little butt just made me feel 50lbs heavier than I really am.

Stacie's Madness said...

woohoo...sounds like a great time~!

laurieliz said...

Sounds like you had a hell of a party! So cool! M and I have been staying in on purpose so that we can both take off a few lbs before vaca...doesn't help that I have been invited to a sex toy party with lots of wine and apps, a birthday pub crawl, and a family dinner (with lots of pie and Easter candy). I will be steadfast and will power will prevail! At least I hope! ;)

mo.stoneskin said...

The problem is that you can never rely on the number of poops already done to indicate the number left to go. In fact, the only hard facts we have to go on are the worse the moment the more likely the poop. My daughter favours key moments in quiet churches for loud poops accompanied by grunts and groans.

meleah rebeccah said...

I am cracking up! "Do you have a bag of poo? 'Cuz I do!" has to be the BEST first impression ice-breaker of ALL time! ahahahahahahahahah!

Im way too terrified to try spray tanning.

MtnMama said...

Oh dear... where to begin? Let's just say that after a day spent being way too sick (for some reason I rally late in the afternoon) I especially love to read your posts while ensconsed on the comfy chair en fleece while M watches Nick Jr.
That way when I laugh she thinks I'm reacting to her stuff. Cause I'm such a great mom that way.

Del-V said...

Get the Led Out is playing this May in Baltimore. I'll have to check them out.

Nej said...

Best opening, ice-breaking line ever!!! :-)

I haven't gotten GH out in forever! We usually only play when people come over....and...well...I guess we need to invite people over more often. :-)

Spray tan. Yeah, I took my pasty white skin along for that ride once. The person doing the tan, didn't explain to me fully the "exfoliate your entire body reeeaaalllyyyy well first" step. I looked like an Oompa Loompa with vitiligo. (sigh)

Cary said...

Look at Mala, rockin' the cleavage. Even J's WTF space helmet can't distract me from that.