This morning as I drove to work I was feeling rather charitable, so when I saw the chance to let an old man in a giant sedan merge in front of me on a busy street, I took it. I knew immediately that doing so was a mistake.
First of all, no courtesy wave. Rude.
Secondly, he proceeded to go 5-10 mph below the speed limit for the entire 13 mile trip to Bedford, making sure to leave a good 2-3 car lengths between himself and the car in front of him. Every time he saw a police car or a pedestrian he'd slam on his brakes just in case. There was literally a mile-long line of cars behind him, with me leading the slowly crawling parade of coffee-deprived fools.
The real cherry on the crap sundae was when I finally got a chance to pass him. I pulled up alongside him at a traffic light and willed myself not to glare at him, but I did sneak a quick peek at him to see what exactly I was dealing with and was instantly rewarded with the sight of him thoroughly cleaning out his nostrils with his gnarled old finger. His wife sat slumped in the passenger seat, seemingly catatonic and not tall enough to see over the dashboard.
Of course, that scene pales in comparison to what Elliott witnessed this AM, but hey, this is NH, not America's Wang. We can hardly compete.
At any rate, I was inspired to show you a few other odds & ends I have seen over these past two days that also made me ask, "What the hell am I lookin' at?!"
First, Courtney Love has never looked better, right?
(photo courtesy of Dlisted)
Has she turned into a cracked-out Muppet? What is that thing on her head? Why does her skin look like a waxy orange peel? Why, Courtney? Whyyyyyy?
Next, at least Lindsay looks amazing.
(photo courtesy of WWTDD)
Are those motherhumping HAMMER PANTS? Why I oughta.... Girl, I will strangle you dead for wearing those if I ever get close enough, so watch yourself. And what in the world is that fur thing? Where are the Peta people with their buckets of red paint? Even if it's fake, it's hideous!
Why does this make me so angry? I really don't know. It just does, alright?
Last but not least, as I was watching Psychic Kids last night (shut up) I saw a promo that made me question everything I know about television.
Who the HELL keeps giving Kirstie Alley TV shows?
Jeez Louise! She's nuttier than squirrel poop and not the slightest bit funny. Also, this yo-yo dieting thing is really annoying - just be FAT already. Embrace it, sistah-friend. Nobody wants to hear about it anymore. So you're fat. BFD. She wouldn't even have a "career" if it weren't for her inability to step away from the deep fryer.
Frankly, what bothers me most about her is her hair. Why blonde? WHY? Remember on Cheers when she had that gorgeous lustrous thick brown hair? Why must she peroxide herself thusly? IMHO, it makes her look even fatter!
Okay, I'm done ranting for today. I think.
Thoughts? Concerns? Bring it.