Friday, April 16, 2010

Friday Noggin Nuggets

'Sup, peeps?

Sorry I didn't regale you with TMI goodness yesterday. My boss was riding me like Secretariat and I couldn't get a free minute to do my usual blog stalking and writing. BOO! The nerve of him, expecting me to actually earn my paycheck!

Anywhooooooo. I'm not doing your typical OOBH Stew today either because I just didn't stumble across anything too wild & crazy online this week, so I'll give you a random sampling from inside my noggin instead.

It's a 4 piece Noggin Nuggets meal deal, which is way more healthy than a KFC Double Cardiac Arrest! They're crispy on the outside, gooey on the inside, just like yours truly.

Nugget One: April (snow) Showers bring May Flowers!

Woke up to this today:

Screw you, Mother Nature. Because of you I had to spend my morning explaining to my 2 year-old that it is not "Cwissmas!"

Nugget Two: Facebook n00bs make me laugh.

I have a cousin who we have always suspected is gay, but my family has a strict "don't ask/don't tell" policy. Not that we'd care, because it doesn't matter to us and it wouldn't change the fact that he's never been a particularly nice guy.

This week he joined Facebook and inadvertantly eliminated all doubt about his sexual preference. You know how people who are new to the 'book tend to blunder around like bulls in a china shop for a while until they figure stuff out? They post long personal messages on people's walls, address individuals in their status updates instead of writing on walls, and spam their friends with drink requests and the like? We've all seen Lame Book, we know how funny it can be!

Well my cuz posted a long-winded response to an old friend who had written on his wall. In it, he talked about hook-ups he'd arranged through a gay dating site (jackpot!), told the world that he's 45 and still lives with his mom, and admitted to dying his hair... right down to the Clairol shade.

It was... pretty awesome. Welcome to Facebook! Aren't you glad you befriended great Aunt Mildred? Oh, and let me be the first to say, "HA HA." :)

Side note: When my youngest sees Nelson on TV he immediately breaks out into a series of hilarious "HA HA's!" Cracks us up every time!

Nugget Three: Be afraid, be very afraid!

Tomorrow morning 16 screaming children will descend upon my home to eat cake, beat on a pinata, and generally sully my home with their grimy kid fingers. Little angels.

Yes, it's my son's annual birthday bash and this year I'm even less prepared for the melee than usual. I'd go hide & let them go all Lord of the Flies if it were socially acceptable, but I know that's frowned-upon. To make matters worse, this will be the first year that we haven't had a beautiful Spring day, so all the muddy little feet will be INSIDE instead of out in the backyard. FML.

Pray for me!

Nugget Four: I'm in the Phythics Club

Mala and I started a creative writing class this week at a local community college, and the first class was hysterical. Not the content so much, but the other students. Makes you realize that Joel McHale's show Community is pretty much right on target!

There were only six of us, but you couldn't get a more diverse group if you had gone to central casting and asked for a Breakfast Club special. Mala & I were definitely the Molly Ringwalds of the group, minus the prissiness and the virginity, obv.

We had:

The hippie girl with filthy-looking dreadlocks and a horrid neck tattoo and crusty lip ring. She spoke with a lisp and kept pulling jars of gritty mung from her bag and spooning it into her mouth periodically during class.

The unkempt Indian woman wearing layer upon layer of what looked like rags, with this wild hair that obscured her face. She immediately surprised the shit out of us by telling us that she's a practicing doctor at a local hospital. Huh - a reminder never to judge on appearances, clearly!

A 70-something guy with the world's most fantastic white hair. He drives a school bus in the worst part of Manchester and wants to write a book about it. Frankly, I'd read it!

A very nervous guy who uses air quotes WAY too often and seems to have some pretty glaring self-esteem issues.

and us.

I think I'm gonna like this class, yo! Excellent people-watching, if nothing else.

That's all I've got! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.

P.S. Don't forget to scan those yearbook photos this weekend!! Monday it's SHOW ME YOURS day!!


Elliott said...

16 kids in the house at once? I need a drink just reading that!

Watch out for the oldster, the one we had in my writers' workshops used to write soft-core porn just to try to get a reaction from the women in the class. I may need to look for a workshop again once we move, I've been getting the itch.

And I could go back to your engorgement post, but I'm lazy. Read this earlier this week and before your post, I wouldn't have thought it possible:

Also because I'm lazy, I'm not converting it to clicky form. Sorry.

PorkStar said...

That's a whole lotta characters in your class and pretty sure blog and creative writing fodder as well. Matter of fact, your description of them could be the intro to a few creative writing stories for sure.

and 16 kids?... dang!

MtnMama said...

16 kids in the house at once? I need a drink just reading that!

You are a better woman than I, Bev! It's been years since I've had 16 adults in the house at one time... pretty sure my famous May Day party (complete with maypole) was it. And then came M. End of festivities... (haha)

Your cousin kills me. I enjoyed the comment "and it wouldn't change the fact that he's never been a particularly nice guy" very much. Is he really 45 or was that creativity on his part. That poster is awesome... I may steal that line.

Snow in April ain't no big thang, but your boy wondering if it's christmas cracked me UP! M still asks me - after we've gotten up & dressed - if it's a school day. I warned her this morning that things are about to change!

Rich Girl Red said...

Oh Bev! Sixteen kids? Dahlin' I'm drinking a big one with your name on it! I don't know why it's socially unacceptable to leave them to their own devices. It's the natural order--survival of the fittest.

I think your class sounds fab. Let us know if anyone shares their soft porn creations with the group. Don't be stingy.

Bev said...

Elliott - Oooh, I hope he DOES start spouting porn! That would seriously make my YEAR.

yes, I'm easily pleased.

Hilarious link! You go, mama.

PorkStar - Oh yeah, great blog fodder. I just hope they don't want to read my blog eventually.... Awkward!

Mtn Mama - Oh yeah, I'll be drinking heavily before/during/after. Rest assured.

And yes, he really is 45 - almost 46. ;)

RGR - Oh, you KNOW I'll be taking notes if anyone so much as says "nipple." Of course, it will probably be me who goes there first....


tracey said...

If I buy you a flip video camera will you tape your creative writing class? The description of the people has me hooked already.

Good luck with the party. The last kids party I took my nephew to was like the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan minus the ocean.

onebadmamajama said...

I'm a bad mom..we don't do ginormous BD parties for the kids anymore. Although, when my oldest kids were little (we were in the USAF) my ex and I would host these awesome keg party/BD parties! The kids really racked up on the presents LOL

That writing class sounds awesome! I can't wait to hear what goes on in there;)

Elliott said...

We'd have family over for the girls, and they would occasionally have a sole friend over for cake, but thankfully I acquired daughters well after the 'cram 50 kids in the house' parties.

I couldn't have tolerated that.

I don't really feel that this contributes anything additional to the conversation, but I forgot to follow earlier and was getting tired of checking back every half hour.

Samsmama said...

I'm so thankful my son has no friends. I couldn't handle having that many kids here.

Hoo-freaking-ray for Facebook! Gawd, I just love it.

During my divorce I briefly dated a guy who WAY overused air quotes. And not even at the right times, just at random "words." So annoying.

Have a great weekend and take lots of "pictures"! I'm still thinking on what to give you for "my" picture. "HA" ha.

Bev said...

Tracey - LOL! @ the Private Ryan ref. That sounds about right! And yes, if it gets juicy in class you'd better believe I'll be shooting some discrete cell phone footage.

OBMJ - Those parties sound awesome! Last year D's bday party turned into a long haul party night. I think we finally said goodbye to the last of our friends around midnight - 12 hours after the party started. Oy.

This year we are determined to keep it low-key though!

Elliott - Awwwww, good man!

Smama - Oh "yeah," I'll definitely be "taking" some pictures!!!

Mala said...

No stew... well these nugs are just as filling.

Waking up to snow was a big suck this morning.

HA! HA! Indeed about your cousin. Make sure to include a copy of his post in this years x-mas cards.
And you know I LOVE the FB newbie mistakes (so long as they aren't mine). I'm still cringing over my pal's confession of undying love for his ex. Thus far, his GF hasn't seemed to have caught that little snafu...yet.

I think you captured the true essence of our fellow classmates. And next week I am NOT sitting next to the dirty hippy and her nasty mung!

See you tomorrow for the par-tay! Shall I mix up some more blue juice for us adults????

Mala said...

"The last kids party I took my nephew to was like the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan minus the ocean." - made me snort!

Heidi Renée said...

I don't know what mung is. Based on everyone's reaction, I don't think I want to.

During the party, imagine that you're Octomom and they're all yours and they'll never leave. When you're back down to your two you'll be so glad that you didn't get hit with the clown car vagina stick that the cleanup won't even matter.

MtnMama said...

I LOVE Heidi's suggestion!

Jo said...

I've been away from blog reading for a while but now I'm baaack! How I've missed your blog, Bevy! Too funny about your cous outing himself. That damn Facebook! LOL!

meleah rebeccah said...

holy crap! I cant believe you had SNOW!

the captioned photo 'so far in he closet' totally CRACKED me up