1. From the "Fashion Designers Who Hate Women" file:
Photo courtesy of Yahoo/Getty Images.
First of all, these things are a foot high. 12 freaking inches! Secondly, they're fugly, right? Sure, they look like the ones Lady Gaga wears in the Bad Romance video, but who says we want to wear the crazy shit that Gaga wears? Not even me, and I think she's fabulous.
2. "Plastics, Benjamin."
One time my kid put a sippy cup in the oven when I wasn't looking. When I later turned it on to preheat, the smell of burning plastic filled my house and was impossible to get out despite all the Febreeze and window-opening in the land.
That is the smell that my brain inserts into my awareness whenever I see these pics of Heidi Montag sucking in her stomach for all she's worth on the beach recently.
Doesn't she look like she's in pain? "Owwwwww. My skin's all stretched and hurty! My eyebrows are too blond! I can't move my face! I have Barbie hair!"
Side, note, as a kid I loved to take my Barbies into the bath with me, but whenever I'd wash their long, luxurious blond hair it would get permanently fucked up.
So there's that.
3. My arteries feel soft & supple. Must do something about that immediately!
KFC debuted their new "Double Down" Sandwich this week. It's a bacon and cheese sandwich, but instead of bread it's wedged between two slabs of fried chicken. Uh huh. Because at some point, you just give up, clearly. Our friend Salt recently posted about a chicken and waffles experiment that turned out to be heaven on a plate, so I suppose I shouldn't knock it till I try it.
However, since I'm already struggling not to look like this at the beach on my upcoming vacay:
I think I'll give the Double Down a pass.
Happy Hump Day!