Tuesday, May 25, 2010

You say "doll face" like it's a bad thing!

So I was perusing my usual online haunts this morning and came across this photo of Kim Kardashian over at Dlisted. Check her out:

According to this week's InTouch Weekly (shut up) Kim's ex-boyfriend was quoted as saying that her body is "fake," so she is going on record to say that she has never had any cosmetic procedures aside from the ubiquitous Botox.

Uh huh.

Look at her. LOOK. AT. HER.

Everything about her face looks fake: her eyelashes, hairline, eyebrows, lips, and even her waxy chemically-peeled skin. Beautiful girl, sure, but... seriously.

She is as processed as a human can possibly be without going whole-hog and looking like this. ----->

Oh, and lay off the make up, sweetie. You don't need to put it on with a trowel!

So Kimmy got me thinking about some other stars who cultivate the living Barbie Doll look, and I thought it might be a fun topic of discussion. Hey, it's Tuesday, and it sure beats talking about the mass quantities of crude oil being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico or the free-falling Stock Market, doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so.

Let's start with the original Barbie Doll "actress," Pamela Anderson. Over a decade ago on Baywatch, she was the epitome of the sunny California girl with a bangin' bod.

Nowadays, she looks more like this.


I have one word for us all: SUNBLOCK. Am I right?

Pop singer Katy Perry:

I like her, but I'm not sure why. For one thing, I'd kill to have her bod, and for another she dates (the crazy but funny) Russell Brand, so she must have a sense of humor. Still - her look is often more kewpie doll than not, so I think she qualifies for this post.

The actress formerly known as Nicole Kidman.

I'm not saying she has spent a lot of green to look like a flawless porcelein doll or anything, but I would like to remind everyone that 20 years ago she looked like this.

Just sayin'.

Ryan Phillippe: Malibu Ken wishes he looked this good.


I'm sorry, what was I saying?

While I'm drooling, I might as well throw up the other dude who comes to mind when I think of celebs who are so hot that they look like they've been molded from plastic.

Taye Diggs, anyone?

Your turn. What other celebrities look a little bit plastic fantastic these days? Who else should have Matel stamped on their backside?


Elliott said...

I'm so non-celeb-oriented, I wouldn't have known who the first picture was if you hadn't said.

Speaking of plastic celebrities - Cher? Dolly Parton? Kenny Rogers?

WV: Lyziterc - the new cosmetic injectable for those not-so-sunny days when you can suddenly feel your face again.

Once we lose our patent on that, we'll introduce Cretizyl, a double-dose of Lyziterc with Febreeze Noticables air freshener for your pores.

Salt said...

That picture of Ryan Phillippe is just fine with me.

I cannot BELIEVE how poorly Pam is looking lately! It's like everything decided to slide downwards all at once. And Kimmy K looks like she's made of vinyl.

Frank Irwin said...

Donald and Ivanka Trump

Samsmama said...

I'm going to have to think on this one for a bit, but I'd like to thank you for planting that obnoxious "Doll Parts" song in my head. A song that my husband would break into every Friday night when he'd notice "Dollhouse" recording.

Heidi Renée said...

I like to think that Pamela Anderson would stand by and laugh while Heidi Montag drowned. That's what I would do.

Harmony said...

Right off the top of my head, I'm gonna have to say Courtney Cox. Her cheeks make my face hurt! I'll give it some more thought.

That picture of Pam scared me pretty good. *slathers on sunblock*

LOL @ Frank. Now I will always wonder about the second comb-over. *shudder*

Bev said...

Elliott - Oh definitely, those celebs are plastic surgery nightmares for real. But they don't look like dolls to me, just sad, sad victims of their own egos run amuck.

And hey, everything's better with a touch of febreeze!

Salt - Yes, I know! Pam's heavy sunning and drinking days are catching up to her. She resembles a chewed-up moccosin every time I see her lately.

FRANK!!!! Hilarious. And icky. Mostly hilarious!

Smama - I don't know that song. Do I? Hmmmm....

Heidi - I don't think it's possible for either of those bimbos to drown. Built-in airbags, don'tcha know.

Harmony - Good one! Courtney does look a bit petrified these days. And gaunt - eat some ice cream, ya stick figure!

Samsmama said...

Ugh. It's by Hole. Speaking of ugly ladies.

Bev said...

Heh heh, you said "hole."

Samsmama said...

Haha. Hole.

Kate said...

Hole. Ha! Where's Frank? Is he somewhere erupting?

When did Pamela Anderson become Miss Piggy?

Frank Irwin said...

I think that the word you're looking for, Kate, is "spewing."

Bev, the word you're looking for is "hilaricky."

Mala said...

The Pammie A picture is so nasty that my computer refuses to download it. So I'll just picture Miss Piggy after taking a turn in the microwave.

I still don't understand why Jennifer Grey plastic-surgery'd herself into who-the-hell-is-that-ville

Rich Girl Red said...

They don't call it "plastic" surgery for nothin'! There is a sweet little lady that works at a local dress shop and I swear she has had so much done she looks like Madam of "Waylon and Madam." Not a good look.

Watching Priscilla Presley on "Dancing with the Stars" was very scary. I was worried that if she fell she would not only break a hip, she'd create a huge silicone/oil spill that could seriously injure the other dancers.

Bev, I like how you featured the men mostly from the neck down--nice. Ken's got LOTS of reasons to be jealous of Ryan if my "friends of Reese" connection is correct. Anatomically correct my ass--try anatomically STUPENDOUS!

Frank--YIKES! Shouldn't have clicked. The Trumps in real life are icky enough.

I'm Jane said...

Meg Ryan is looking a lot plastic these days. Such a disappointment.

Mike129 said...

On Kim: Wow! She really does look artificial ... as opposed to, say, human.

And Pamela, well I am glad to see she has not lost her exceptional make-up skills. I mean, that is quite the bold statement. Or maybe she just got beat-up prior to this photo being taken.

BigSis said...

Kim Kardashian doesn't even look like a person. She looks like a wax model. It looks like she can't even smile her face is so tight!

adrienzgirl said...

I definitely think that it's sad to see Meg Ryan's mashed up face these days. She was so cute and now she looks like someone stepped on Barbie's face and smooshed it. What the hell is wrong with aging gracefully?

PorkStar said...

Well said.

Apparently is hard to find someone in the celebrity world that is not fake. If it's not their bodies, it's their personalities. Ms Perry is gorgeous too, i totally agree.

onebadmamajama said...

Judge Reinhold looks horrible! As does just about every other Brat Packer who has had any plastic surgery done. I can't help what the Hollyweird old folks home is gonna look like in a bout 15 years!

MtnMama said...

I've always wanted to age like Lauren Bacall. (of course, it would help to start OUT looking like Lauren Bacall...) but she's stayed my guidepost for how to gracefully adapt to time. She's kept her dignity and always looked great - but age appropriate and REAL.

It occurs to me that many of these surgical freaks may not believe they'll ever have to deal with getting older in any appreciable way... denial in all it's sickest forms.

Senorita said...

Heidi looks so gross, I think she has an illness. She must have OCD or something. I feel sorry for her.

People in Hollywood just don't seem to accept themselves.

Marta said...

I saw Raquel Welch on Oprah a few weeks ago.. Actually I don't think it was really her.. I think she has replaced herself with "stepford wives" facsimile. Seventy year old women shouldn't look like that.

Heather said...

See, I don't think Kimmy is pretty. I think she overdoes it and it looks trashy. LOL at the Pam Anderson picture.