This week's picture-centric post is for all you shoe-lovers out there. Plus if you have a foot fetish, this is your lucky day! Conversely, if you really hate feet, this isn't the post for you. Sorry.
I have often said throughout my life as a party girl that shoes are very powerful items. They have the potential to jazz up any outfit, make you feel feminine, flirty, or casual, and most women* that I know have at least a passing interest in finding that perfect new pair of shoes.
That being said, the power of the shoe can also be used for evil: they can torture your tootsies and ruin your night faster than you can say "blister." So many times in my life I wanted to stay out and live it up but my dogs started barking so loudly that I had to bow out or risk amputation.
The following shoes reside in my closet, but each time I look at them I am reminded of a time that they forced Baby into the corner.
Leopard Peep-Toe Pumps
I got these on sale and thought they were pretty comfy in the store. The heel isn't too high, I can walk in them, and they're feisty as hell. Wore them out to dinner and dancing on my anniversary last year and nearly broke my husband's arm leaning on him by the time we crawled back to our hotel.
Wear Count: Once.
I bought these to go with a blue dress (because what color shoes does one wear with a blue dress? I mean, really. It's one of life's little conundrums). I thought with a heel this low, they couldn't possibly hurt my feet! WRONG.
By the end of my BIL's wedding I was hobbled and cursing a streak blue enough to match my dress.
Wear Count: Two.
Black Patent-Leather Peep Toe Pumps
After trying on every shoe within a 30 mile radius, I bought these to wear to my friend's wedding in Las Vegas. The pic doesn't do them justice - they're blazing hot shoes. In them I am easily 5'10" and I got many, many compliments on them.
However, even though I got sauced enough that I should have been feeling no pain, anyone who has ever been to Vegas can tell you that you walk A LOT. After the reception we ventured out with my old college crew to hit some clubs, and halfway across the strip I suddenly felt like I might keel over right then and there. I made it into Tangerine before quietly slipping them off in the middle of the club.
It was heaven.... I didn't care that the floor was gritty and potentially full of broken glass and/or used needles, I was just glad to have those medieval torture devices off of my aching feet!
I have no idea how the bouncers found out that I was shoeless, but after they warned me twice I finally had to admit defeat, put on my shoes, and call it a night. Back at the hotel I put on my comfy old sneakers with my fancy party dress and Jim and I went back out. Because who gives a fuck? It's Vegas.
Wear Count: Once, unless you count sexy times. *WINK*
Brown Leather Ankle Boots
They're boots, right? How bad can they be?
Freaking HORRIBLE, that's how! These things actually made my left arch cramp so suddenly and painfully that I stopped mid-stride on my way to a girls' night out, turned on my heel, and changed my shoes.
Wear Count: Zero.
Black flat sandals
These sandals are the best of the worst. I just got them this summer because I was determined to get some cute black shoes WITHOUT heels. They fit the bill, and I wore them out to Get The Led Out the other weekend. They're definitely the reason that I decided not to keep the party going into the wee hours of the night; my feet were pretty sore by the end of the show and walking back to the crap shack wasn't comfortable. However, they're really not terrible except for one little fact: the tip of one of my toes has been numb ever since I wore them.
I don't think that's right.
Didn't stop me from wearing them again today, though. *grin*
Wear Count: Two, and counting.
This, folks, is why when I really want to keep my stamina and endurance up for a night on the town, I wear Vans and have done so since high school. They're not just for sk8ters anymore, I swear! They even make girly ones now.
* My dear friend Mala is one of the few women I know who will wear a pair of shoes to tatters and still insist that they are suitable for any occasion. Sure, she can rock a nice pair of heels from time to time, but most of the time she's sporting these puppies. And folks - these are the upgraded version of a pair that I finally shamed her into retiring, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that she still didn't throw them out.