Wednesday, June 30, 2010

5 Pairs of Shoes That Have Ruined My Night

AKA: The agony of de-feet.

This week's picture-centric post is for all you shoe-lovers out there. Plus if you have a foot fetish, this is your lucky day! Conversely, if you really hate feet, this isn't the post for you. Sorry.

I have often said throughout my life as a party girl that shoes are very powerful items. They have the potential to jazz up any outfit, make you feel feminine, flirty, or casual, and most women* that I know have at least a passing interest in finding that perfect new pair of shoes.

That being said, the power of the shoe can also be used for evil: they can torture your tootsies and ruin your night faster than you can say "blister." So many times in my life I wanted to stay out and live it up but my dogs started barking so loudly that I had to bow out or risk amputation.

The following shoes reside in my closet, but each time I look at them I am reminded of a time that they forced Baby into the corner.

Leopard Peep-Toe Pumps


I got these on sale and thought they were pretty comfy in the store. The heel isn't too high, I can walk in them, and they're feisty as hell. Wore them out to dinner and dancing on my anniversary last year and nearly broke my husband's arm leaning on him by the time we crawled back to our hotel.

Wear Count: Once.

Silver Sandals


I bought these to go with a blue dress (because what color shoes does one wear with a blue dress? I mean, really. It's one of life's little conundrums). I thought with a heel this low, they couldn't possibly hurt my feet! WRONG.

By the end of my BIL's wedding I was hobbled and cursing a streak blue enough to match my dress.

Wear Count: Two.

Black Patent-Leather Peep Toe Pumps


After trying on every shoe within a 30 mile radius, I bought these to wear to my friend's wedding in Las Vegas. The pic doesn't do them justice - they're blazing hot shoes. In them I am easily 5'10" and I got many, many compliments on them.

However, even though I got sauced enough that I should have been feeling no pain, anyone who has ever been to Vegas can tell you that you walk A LOT. After the reception we ventured out with my old college crew to hit some clubs, and halfway across the strip I suddenly felt like I might keel over right then and there. I made it into Tangerine before quietly slipping them off in the middle of the club.

It was heaven.... I didn't care that the floor was gritty and potentially full of broken glass and/or used needles, I was just glad to have those medieval torture devices off of my aching feet!

I have no idea how the bouncers found out that I was shoeless, but after they warned me twice I finally had to admit defeat, put on my shoes, and call it a night. Back at the hotel I put on my comfy old sneakers with my fancy party dress and Jim and I went back out. Because who gives a fuck? It's Vegas.

Wear Count: Once, unless you count sexy times. *WINK*

Brown Leather Ankle Boots


They're boots, right? How bad can they be?

Freaking HORRIBLE, that's how! These things actually made my left arch cramp so suddenly and painfully that I stopped mid-stride on my way to a girls' night out, turned on my heel, and changed my shoes.

Wear Count: Zero.

Black flat sandals


These sandals are the best of the worst. I just got them this summer because I was determined to get some cute black shoes WITHOUT heels. They fit the bill, and I wore them out to Get The Led Out the other weekend. They're definitely the reason that I decided not to keep the party going into the wee hours of the night; my feet were pretty sore by the end of the show and walking back to the crap shack wasn't comfortable. However, they're really not terrible except for one little fact: the tip of one of my toes has been numb ever since I wore them.

I don't think that's right.

Didn't stop me from wearing them again today, though. *grin*

Wear Count: Two, and counting.

This, folks, is why when I really want to keep my stamina and endurance up for a night on the town, I wear Vans and have done so since high school. They're not just for sk8ters anymore, I swear! They even make girly ones now.





* My dear friend Mala is one of the few women I know who will wear a pair of shoes to tatters and still insist that they are suitable for any occasion. Sure, she can rock a nice pair of heels from time to time, but most of the time she's sporting these puppies. And folks - these are the upgraded version of a pair that I finally shamed her into retiring, but I'd bet dollars to donuts that she still didn't throw them out.

22 comments:

Kate said...

I think flip-flops are totally underrated. I wear them constantly.

You got some cute piggies there Bev!

Stacie's Madness said...

oooohhh love the first pair. what size are you? let me see if those give me pain too... ;)

Stacie's Madness said...

kate, i've even had flip flops give me issues. Last year at the Jimmy Buffett concert I went barefoot for most of it because of my darn old navy cheapy flip flops.

Mike129 said...

Yay for shoe porn!!

(Sorry, but I only look at this blog for the pictures. :D )

Salt said...

Those first shoes are adorb, but they definitely don't look comfortable in the least. I have a pair kind of like them. They are blue with a little bow and by the end of a night of wearing them, I need to have my feet amputated.

Rich Girl Red said...

What cute shews! Hows yore mama n em? (Sorry, sometimes it just pops out.)

I can see how most of those could be cruel shoes after a while--the cha-cha silver ones surprised me though. Thought those might actually be comfortable.

I bought a pair of black sandals similar to yours--they definitely have a comfort expiration date.

Love the sexy time shoes--just be careful on a waterbed!

Samsmama said...

It's entirely possible that I could be your foot twin. Care to pursue a foot modeling career with me?

I bought a pair of flip flops at the Dollar General. Totally got my money's worth. Sounds like I'm walking on seals. And I've only got one hot pair of "CFM" heels. I've found that the more I drink, the better they feel. And hubby must like them, as they are always the last part of my outfit to come off.

Kate said...

At the risk of sounding like a complete snob (which I usually am not, I really only wear Teva or Rainbow flip-flops. They really accomodate my short wide feet. And I kind of look like I am walking on hooves. I cannot bear to wear those really cheap ones. I'm a delicate flower, you know.

MJenks said...

This...is my lucky day.

I shouldn't say any more...

*shifty-eyed*

*takes monitor with him to the bathroom*

onebadmamajama said...

Well, count me as one gal who goes for comfort over pretty. I own a couple pair of New Balance tennis shoes, Croc clogs and Croc flip flops. I have genetically ugly feet (I will never show pics of them if I can help it). The thought of heels in any shape or form gives me cold chills. The last pair of "cute" heels I bought ended up making me look like I had Petunia Pig feet! I haven't been able to look at another pair of heels since.

I am totally envious of your cute girly feet and shoes:)

Bev said...

Kate - Thanks! I also love flip flops. I have a pair of Croc flip flops that are heavenly.

Stacie - Size Wide & Wonderful! :)

Mike - Aw, the truth comes out! Thanks, tho!

Salt - Such a shame when cuteness and comfort can't coexist.

RGR - I don't know what "it" is but it's adorable! Oh, and the silver ones aren't too bad as long as I don't wear them for too long. A few hours in an air conditioned restaurant is fine, 6 hours outside in heat & humidity, not so fine.

Smama - Foot twins! I love it. Let's hit the road with this act & make our million!

CFM heels are a must-have.

Kate, when I think of you, I often think of a delicate flower. Funny you should mention that! :-p

Jenks - Thank you...?

OBMJ - Petunia Pig feet?! Awesome!! You rule.

Wynn said...

I've worn high heels exactly once in my life and that was the day I graduated.

Sneakers and fake versions of converse in pretty colours and patterns is my soft shoe-side. And pretty much all shoes that are leopard printed.

But I'm 5'10 without shoes on and it's a mix between "don't need to get any taller" and "i'm friggin lazy and sneakers are comfy". The few times I dress up for reals there's flats of different sorts.

Wynn said...

I also see that the pervert mjenks found his way to this post. Nevermind him, he probably just touched himself over pictures of your feet.

onebadmamajama said...

Yes, having fat cloven hooves for feet is quite awesome! It's a good thing I have such a great personality LOL ;)

Frank Irwin said...

It sounds like someone needs a nice foot rub.

Anybody?

No, not you, mjenks!

MtnMama said...

Well, color me surprised, but could I be the shoe diva in this bunch?! I have big feet, but learned long ago how to rock the high heels to minimize that effect, and along the way - yes, I endured some torturous bad ones, but found out what works and what doesn't, and I have lots of great ones. I mix it up throughout the week - heels, flats, and in between. I rarely wear the sky high ones anymore, but hey - my life isn't as glamorous as it once was, y'know?
I recall a very expensive pair of strappy pale violet high heel sandals that I wore to someone's Vegas wedding that were pure hell every time I put them on. They were so cute it killed me to finally admit defeat. *snicker*
Maybe Vegas is just unlucky?

Gigi said...

Dang, you just launched this blog and you have 100+ followers? way to go! Would love for you to guest post on mine sometime!Adding you to my Google Reader now!

dogimo said...

These are all damn cute shoes woman, and I don't blame you for getting them! Don't you blame yourself, either. The price of living in hope can be high, but nowhere as bad as if you crush it out. I just wish they had turned out better.

Man. I just looked them over again, and I have to say. Never in my life have I understood the concept of a shoe fetish, but for a twinge of an instant, I got a sort of gleam or glimmer. A wisp of an epiphany.

It was kind of a "run for the hills" moment, but I was able to tough it out. Anyway, you can't run for the hills from yourself.

Anyway. Shoe stores sell hope. Keep buying that hope.

Senorita said...

The first pair of shoes are the hottest !

I have such a hard time wearing heels, especially stilettos. I wear heels when I can, but I thought that I was the only one suffering.

SiressYorkie said...

I'm another die-hard Van girl here. In fact, I just retired my black and hot-pink Vans last week because after Bea's birth, they suddenly stopped fitting. There was a ceremony and everything.

I've got a new all-black pair now. At the same time, I bought two pairs of summer sandals which are still in the Testing Phase (they were having a sale at Happy Schue und Du?...what a great name, eh?). I also have a hard time finding saucy footwear because of poor balance and oddly-shaped feet: VERY narrow heel, sky-high arch, and the rest wide and flat and long...sorta like duck feet. So they and my lizard skin Docs are pretty much in rotation right now..!

Mala said...

I have 3 prerequisites for shoes:
* MUST be comfy
* Must be velcro (who has time to tie)
* Must be under $5

And when you find a good thing, you go with it. You wear them until they fall to a pile of thread and sole.

And yes, I haven't thrown out that pair of shoes. They're soooo comfy and the memories! So many memories.

That being said, my night is rarely ruined by painful shoes.
So I have that going for me.

Nej said...

I ADORE those leopard pumps. Bummer they hurt your feet! :-(