Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Don't believe your eyes!

Well, helllooooooooooooooo. Today I'd like to talk about this:

Yesterday Cary made a post about what fast food looks like in advertising versus what it looks like in real life. The general consensus among the commenters was that most fast food looks like somebody sat on it and/or it may contain a talon of some sort. Caveat emptor, yo. Coincidentally, my lovely sister sent me an email over the weekend containing some unretouched photos of Madonna during her latest modeling job for Louis Vuitton. Like the mangled Filet O'Hoki sandwich, Madonna also looks like someone sat on her.

Don't get me wrong; the woman is in her fifties and looks pretty amazing! However, anyone could look great if they spent a gazillion dollars on face lifts, chemical peels, injectable fillers and whatnot, not to mention make-up. I'm sure I'd be able to stomp on the groin of Father Time as well if it weren't for the fact that I am poor and don't have my picture taken for a living.

Anyhoodle, see for yourself.


Madonna needs the Precious.


Haute Couture never looked so haute.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all had a Photoshop expert to fine-tune all of our photos? Since we're on the subject, yesterday I was perusing one of my favorite time-wasting sites, Photoshop Disasters, and came across this little number:

Kimora looks... well, wow. Nice legs, Stretch.

With beach season upon us I have been hearing more and more of my friends (myself included) complaining about our bodies. Hey, we all put on weight at certain times in our lives. Some of us, like myself, have never been skinny and most likely never will be skinny. I own my curves (and my back fat, sadly) and as a grown-ass woman I've come to terms with what I look like in this lifetime.

I know you've heard this before, but it bears repeating: don't let the magazines fool you, nobody is perfect. Even skinny people have cellulite and thigh dimples once they reach a certain age. As long as you are healthy and eat well most of the time, let the number on the scale be just that, a number.

Anyone can be hot and sexy, at any size.

For what it's worth, I think you look fantastic, so rock it out, my lovelies!



MJenks said...

Caveat comedo! might be a better warning for the fast food eating.

I love curvy women, cellulite dimples and all!

BUT...my word ver? reducto, which sounds suspiciously like a Hogwarts charm for shrinking something.

Poor timing, word ver, poor timing indeed.

Salt said...

Hahaha I do have a photoshop expert to fix all my pictures. :) (Me.) But yes I've always known how much goes into it because I used to edit models for catalogs. Some of them required A LOT of work.

Madge is looking rough.

Rich Girl Red said...

Thanks Bev for the shout out to us curvy girls! I don't even look at most magazines anymore because it might as well be a cartoon on the cover.

Feeling good and being healthy are so much more important than trying to look like you were weaned on a pickle. You do, at some point, have to own your body--curves, dimples, and all. I loved the last picture and love you for being such a fabulous cheerleader!

Heather said...

I love my curves, and I wear them well. So well that I gladly posted naughty pictures of myself for the world to see on my blog. Because everyone knows, a curvy woman is sexier than skin wrapped bones. Just sayin, I love my big white ass!

I also love you Bev!

Melissa said...

I admit I still struggle with body image issues, especially because I know I could look a lot better than I currently do. Though staying sober and quitting smoking were/are priorities 1 and 2... I'll get there.

Regardless, I love seeing the photoshop stuff. Weight aside, it's nice to know I ain't the only one with blemishes and veins and wrinkles. The perfection they try to feed to us is ridiculous.

Samsmama said...

HA! Love the Gollum picture.

I wouldn't be so bummed about my extra weight if wasn't all just hanging off my gut, making me look pregnant. And the fact that I had to go buy a pair of shorts the other day because I didn't have any that fit made me sad. Stupid non-smoker, healthy lungs!

UGH! Seriously, there was some sort of claw in my sandwich. So nasty. But I'd still order many of those things. We fat girls gotta eat. ;)

Harmony said...

LMAO @ MJenks Reducto..Hogwarts..snort!

Yeah, body image is such a sucky topic to have to deal with..and we all have to deal with it some way or the other. Anyway...am I the only one that noticed that they photo-shopped Britney's camel toe? I can't seem to get past that. ummmm...

Mike129 said...

You, of course, need no photoshopping.


Organic Meatbag said...

Yes I noticed that too, Harmony...Brit's camel-toe magically disappeared! That must have took photo-shopping skills of epic proportions...

Bev said...

Mjenks - Google says you're right! Eater beware is more like it. :)

And yes, reducto = WV FAIL. More like, "Accepto!"

Salt - That reminds me, I've been meaning to send you some pics. Ha ha

RGR - Aw, thank you back! I love the expression "weaned on a pickle," too. You always have the best comments! I love you like whoa.

Heather - love you back, and those pictures were DAMN sexy, hot mama! Love that you posted them. Work it, girl!

Melissa - You've already tackled so much with accomplishing those two enormous goals. I'm proud of you! You can obviously do anything, so I have no doubt you'll get to where you want to be, body-wise. Yet, I hear you're a pretty amazing cook, so... good luck with that! :)

Smama - Gollum was for you, but your banter on FB inspired this whole post too. Well, that and myself sucking it in to zip my pants this morning.... Sigh.

Btw, I just ate a Wendy's Taco Salad for lunch, and it was thankfully claw-free.

Harmony - DING DING DING! Give the girl a prize. Of course I noticed Brit-Brit was sportin' the 'toe. :) Love that they airbrushed that out, too. haha!!

Mike129 - Of course not! You big flatterer, you. ;)

Frank Irwin said...

Attitude's more important, and all y'all got it!

Now, excuse me while I go peruse Heather's blog.

Bev said...

OM - hey there! Haven't seen you in ages! Of course you noticed Brit's camel toe... some things never change. :) Welcome back!

Bev said...

LMAO @ Frank!

(Heather, he's serious)

LiLu said...

"Like the mangled Filet O'Hoki sandwich, Madonna also looks like someone sat on her."



middle child said...

Leave Madonna out of this. I love her. I also love the last picture. (from Glamour)

Mala said...

Seriously, they must have an entire team of magicians to make Madge presentable.

Hmmmm, as long as you eat right and are healthy... argh, FML. I just won the trifecta of suck.

but excellent post Bevers.

Samsmama said...

And that, Bev, is why we hate pants.

Man, taco salad sounds goo-ood.

I'm going to go check out Heather's blog, too. What of it?

Cary McNeal said...

I can't stand Madonna, but honesty compels me to say I don't think she looks that terrible in this particular photo. Seems like an average 50yo to me.

SJP on the other hand...

w/v: sugaryp

What Kool-Aid tastes like.

Heidi Renée said...

I don't wear pants most days. It's way easier to love my curves without a waistband digging into them.

Hell, I'm going to go look at Heather's pictures too.

KT and Lady said...

Age is just a number, weight is just a number, your credit score is just a number, the speed limit is just a number......gakkk, where does it end. Who ARE you?? THAT is not a number.

We're doing just fine thanks,


MtnMama said...

Pants... all mine have spandex in them these days.
Fast food... I still love me some Taco Bell. Got a toothpick?
Weight and body image... the longer I live, the more I appreciate the things my body can DO and don't focus so much on the facade. That's what candle light is for, anyway!

MJenks said...

You actually had to look up "Caveat comedo"? *sigh* I see I've wasted the past 72 Fridays...


hold me?

And my Word Ver now is "senfo". Senfo? Senfo what? Senfo some french fries so I can use the reducto charm?

Kari said...

Madge is either rockin' the old lady vag neck or her actual nether region has been so stretched out from years of abuse that it has nowhere left to travel but up.

Kate said...

Gollum arms will go down in 30 Rock history! Bwaahahahahahaha!

And pants are most certainly overrated. Me? I am rocking the skort. What? You wanna fightaboudit?

Off to see Heather.

Senorita said...

Wow, all of a sudden I feel so much better about myself ! I don't photoshop my pictures and I forgot how prevalent Photoshop is in our media.

I still love Madonna's Louis Vuitton ad.

Kimora Lee's legs are way too thin in that picture.

I could not believe that Britney was sporting a huge camel toe, and that they took it out ! I bet the photoshop editor was a guy.

Bev said...

LiLu - Thanks! Love ya back!

Middle Child - I didn't say I didn't like Madonna, just that she looks like Gollum. ;)

Mala - I wish I had a team of stylists. And a personal chef, personal trainer, and chauffeur, while I'm dreaming.

Smama - Yes, it is. I truly hate pants. If I could work in my skivvies I would do it. Truth.

Cary - Yeah, she doesn't look bad, but she doesn't look natural to me either.

Heidi - Another benefit of working from home! I'm sold....

KT - Yes, we are! Thanks!

MtnMama - True 'dat. I just wish the beach were lit by candlelight.

Jenks - There, there. (hug) I never was much of a student. ;)

Kari - LMAO!!!! Ew!

Kate - I like skorts too. Keeps the thighs from rubbing together on hot days. What? Like you weren't thinking it.

Senorita - Nah, if the photoshopper was a guy he would have enunciated the 'toe!

MJenks said...

Not much of a student, eh? guess you'll just have to sleep with the teacher for the A, right?

*wiggles eyebrows*

Bev said...

Jenks... wouldn't be the first time.