Friday, June 11, 2010

OOBH Stew: T'ain't Nothin'.

This morning I woke up from a dream thinking that I had the BEST IDEA for a blog post, possibly ever. I had it all mapped out in my groggy little head; it was a 3-parter, and all of the parts fit together into one hilarious concept.

Do you think I can remember any of it now? Uh, no. In fact, all I can remember now is that part of it involved the word, "taint," and my friend Karen telling me that she'd slept with a few members of the same family and they all had "really big taints."

What the --? Did someone slip me a tab of acid while I was sleeping last night? Good God.

Since I'm obviously not going with that gem of an idea, I guess I'll throw together some delicious OOBH Stew for us instead. I hope you have some wet naps handy 'cause this batch is SLOPPY.

Jennifer Aniston is dating FLOYD!

You all know I *heart* 30 Rock, so Jason Sudeikis will always be Floyd to me. I do love him on SNL too; his Joe Biden impression always makes me laugh!

Apparently Jen and Jason met while filming The Bounty Hunter, but Jen wouldn't date him until his divorce (from a 30 Rock writer) was final. This is just more proof that she is a stand-up lady. I've always been solidly Team Aniston and for the life of me I'll never understand why the media/bloggers pick on her. Because her husband cheated on her and left her for a gorgeous freak like Angelina? Because she has had a hard time finding the right partner? Because she's beautiful in a very normal kind of way? I don't get it.

Good luck to them! Something tells me he'd be a good boyfriend... just as long as he doesn't move to Cleveland.

Insanely-hot actor Joe Manganiello joins cast of True Blood.

I should have known that the people who gave us Eric the Goddamn Vampire would cast someone so mouthwatering to play Alcide the Were in this season of True Blood, but I didn't get my hopes up because of the disappointment that was Jacob in the Twilight movies. I'd say more, but I'm typing one-handed.

What?! Oh, come on.

If I were a dude, this is where I'd use the word, "FAP."

Katy Perry needs to get over her-damn-self.

Everyone is speculating that she was referring to The Ga's new video with this tweet, and everyone is also talking about how Katy's whole act/persona is a cheap attention-grabbing ploy to disguise the fact that most of her talent is in her brassiere. I mean, really; Katy's songs are about kissing girls, getting married while drunk in Las Vegas, and most recently, how hot California "gurls" are and how they'll "melt your popsicle."

Also, fart jokes are universally funny, Katy, so straighten your blue wig, put on your big girl panties, and STFU.

Kelly Osborn has old lady hair.

Uuuuuhhhh, okay. I guess my Grandma was really edgy because she had that exact same 'do for decades! Way to be cutting edge, Gram.

Lindsay Lohan fucked up again.

Color me shocked! Lindsay's SCRAM anklet was set off at the MTV Movie Awards last weekend, indicating the presence of alcohol in her system. Of course, she denied it ever happened via Twitter, which is a total lie and everyone knows it. She paid $10k to stay out of jail (did you know you only had to pay 10% of your bail? I sure didn't) and now her idiot mother is claiming that someone spilled a drink on her poor, innocent daughter's leg to set off the alarm.


Ya know, I follow LiHo's Tweets because I find it amusing to listen to morons talk, but she is so delusional and self-involved that it's really painful at times. The other day she randomly tweeted about how hurtful those E-Trade ads were. Remember the "milk-a-holic" ad that Lindsay assumed was about HER? Yeah, she's still talking about it. GAH. Even at 23 when I was undoubtedly wrapped up in my own tiny little world I don't think I was that clueless and egocentric. At least, I hope not.

That's it for now, beautiful people. Enjoy your weekends, and we'll reconvene here on Monday, mkay?



Rich Girl Red said...

Delicious stew Bev! Tasty, filling, and yet absolutely no calories! My favorite.

I'm with you on Jen. Brad's a tool and Angelina's lips (both sets) have their own zip code.

I am NOT a Katy Perry fan. She was a guest judge on AI in the early auditions and she was a first class bitch. Talking about talent, and having what it takes, blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking, "Chica, if it weren't for the lesbian fantasy your song inspired and your tig ole bitties, you'd have been a one hit wonder. STFU!" And the fart jokes? Show me something funnier than farting. Just try. I dare you.

Have a fantabulous weekend darlin' Bev! Our birthday is just around the corner--we must celebrate inappropriately!

Heidi Renée said...

Well I was going to just tell a fart joke in honor of Mrs. Brand, but I'm just so hurt by that book that insinuates that I live amongst goats that I might have to go air my grievances on Twitter.

Heather said...

Absolute greatness. I too think Katy Perry is a douchette. I also think Lindsay doesn't deserve news headlines anymore. I think Jennifer Aniston is WAY hotter than Jolie and I would leave Angie for Jen ANY day of the week.
Delish stew as always!

Salt said...

Oh so much to talk about here.

1. I HATE Katy Perry. And her fiancé is a trainwreck.

2. TEAM ANISTON! I hope this relationship works out for her.

3. I hope Manganiello has many shirtless scenes this season!

Elliott said...

Wait...the Lohan is only 23??????

And um...what's the deal with the crack about Cleveland? Did I miss something? I'd make a wicked awesome boyfriend if it weren't for that 'married' thing, regardless of my hometown of choice.

And Jennifer Aniston is the hawtness. I may need to swipe that picture of her for my blog, stuff like that increases my web traffic 30-fold.

Cary McNeal said...

@ RGR 'tig ole bitties' -- LMAO.

I like Katy but I agree, she needs to get over herself with this tweet. I think her dad is a minister, hence the objection, but come on, KP, nobody really cares. It's a video. Madonna was doing the same shit 20 yrs ago.

Not a huge fan of Jen's work (excluding Office Space) but a friend worked on "Friends" for a couple of seasons and said she was a sweetheart (esp compared to the rest of those goons, sans Kudrow, who was "nice enough.")

For some reason, "really big taints" made me think of Ed Sullivan. Probably because I'm old.

w/v: opian

With red hair, freckles and a fondness for the word "Pa," the boy has a certain Opian quality about him.

Harmony said...

I'm also team Jen..but I haven't really liked any of the characters she plays, as they all appear to be somewhat the same person. IDK

Anything fart related is hilarious! Russel Brand looks like he smells bad and farts on pillows, so something is obviously wrong with Katy.

They seriously need to lock Lohan up and make an example out of the chick..she'll never learn.

Bev said...

RGR - Only empty calories - my favorite kind! I didn't see KP on Idol but I'll take your word for it. She bugs me... even more so, now that I know she's holier-than-moi.

You're right - we have to do something big for our b-day this year! Woohoo!

Heidi - hahahahahaha!!!

Heather - thanks! Glad you lika de stew. Have I mentioned that I love your profile pic?

Salt -
1. yes.
2. yes!
3. yesssssssssssss!

Elliott - Yes, I liked the bum shot, too. Jen has a bangin' bod! It's like lookin' in a mirror!*

* at a fun house, in which I have been stretched somehow.

Cary - Opian! HA!

Harmony - Yes, I agree. Jen's not the greatest actress, though she was FAB on 30 Rock. :) Then again, who isn't fab on 30 Rock? Seriously - are you guys watching 30 Rock yet?!

Mike129 said...

I am *so* glad you keep me up on all the important stuff, 'cuz I'd never be able to do it on my own.


onebadmamajama said...

I've seriously gotta start watchin' True Blood! My lawd that man is smokin' hawt! Oh, and thanks for introducing me to a new word *fap*..totally had no idea WHAT that meant LOL Dontcha just love Urban Dictionary?!

I'm so friggin' over LiHo. Stick her ass in jail or rehab already. Her mom and dad both need to have their asses whupped too, for not takin' better care of their daughter. It's a downright shame.

I know who KP is, but I don't pay any attention to her. She'll be another sad sack divorcee in another coupla years. Russell Brand looks like he can't keep it in his pants if his life depended on it. WTF? Fart jokes (and farts themselves!) are just plain HI-larious! Maybe she's had to endure one too many dutch ovens? lol

I only hated Jennifer Aniston cause she spent so much time with Mr.OBMJ. I'm still miffed over the pic of him with his finger in her ass. I wish her and Jason the best.

Sorry bout the long comment! I'm just giddy about being off for three days WOOT! ;)

Senorita said...

I love Katy Perry and Gaga, so nothing bad to say about them !

Although, I am glad that I am not the only one who read a little more into the "so hot it'll melt your popsicle" line.

Samsmama said...

Love the stew! It's so meaty!

Katy who? I don't pay any attention to her. Part of it may be because Russell Brand repulses me.

Go, Jen! We have the same birthday, ya know. In fact, she may even be my twin. Except, um, older.

Linz needs to go to jail. I'm so sick of her getting away with everything. It's only fueling her high opinion of herself.

And WTF, Mrs. Doubtfire? Nice hair, KO.

MtnMama said...

Yep, agree with all of it; Katy is too similar looking to our Zooey but without the talent, so I don't like her. And I think RB looks like an idiot and suspect that he smells bad.

Linday... too funny that I'm 25 years older than her and look better. hahahahahahaha

Jen isn't talented enough to interest me, but I feel miffed on her behalf that she took such flack for the whole Pitt abandonment. Clearly the dude wanted children, and Jolie seemed like a sticky doughnut, but what man who has been convinced he can have any/everything he wants would make a good long-term husband? I ask you. Says nothing bad about the Jen.

Mala said...

Damn! Late to the party! The stew is cold, the dip is all gone and Frank is passed out in the lanai, pant-less.

I've heard first hand that Brad Pitt is dumb as a stump and has really bad BO, so I'd say Jenn won out on that deal.

And I once rocked that hair style after my hairdresser had a bit of a miscalculation mixing the hair color chemicals. I had to go all granny for an entire day before she could fix it. Total suck.

Lose That Girl said...

Jason is a funny dude. Lucky Jen.