I spent about 75 minutes in the dentist's chair this morning getting a temporary crown put on my molar, which is more evidence that I'm getting old and decrepit. I've been putting it off for almost two years (oops) because my shitty dental insurance doesn't cover crowns & after all, the tooth didn't hurt... so what was the rush? Well, today I finally gave in and let them drill the hell out of my tooth, fill my mouth repeatedly with nasty gel/foam/putty to make their molds, and fit me with a temporary crown until the permanent one comes back from the lab.
Nah, it wasn't so bad. My dentist is a pleasant enough fellow even though his last name is Hussein, which Jim finds hilarious. Every time they leave a reminder call on my answer machine Jim says that Saddam called to remind me of my appointment.
The Dental Hygienist is also named Beverly, which gets confusing. There's nothing like having eight fingers in your mouth and hearing the dentist say, "Bev, could you reach that scope for me?" No matter how many times it happens, I always twitch a little. Bev the Hygienist also has a rather irritating habit of humming, or outright singing, along with the radio. I'm sitting there trying to ignore the whine of the drill and zone out to the easy listening channel and all I can hear is Bev humming away. Fuckin' Bev.
Driving to work after my appointment I discovered two things: the first is that I had some sort of dried white crusty stuff in the corner of my mouth that looked reeeeeeeally incriminating and disgusting. The second is that it's nearly impossible to apply lipstick when your lips are completely numb, so I ended up looking a bit odd by the time I got to the office.
Now I'm starving but can't eat until I can feel my face again, which Bev no likey. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry.
Of course, I can't mention novocaine or the dentist without posting this classic Bill Cosby routine. I grew up with this bit, and it's still funny after all these years. It's funny 'cuz it's true!
Happy Hump Day!