Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fictional Characters I'd Totally Do

It's Thursday and I'm feeling list-y! The other night I was watching TV and had one of those, "Aw, yeah, I'd hit that" moments. Don't pretend like you never have those. It got me thinking about other characters that flip my switch, light my fire, and make blood rush to areas of my body that shall remain nameless.

Here's my list. I hope you'll share yours in the comment section!

Jack Donaghey from 30 Rock.

"Rich 50 is middle-class 38."
No, not Alec Baldwin, his character Jack Donaghy. It's not even his suave good looks that I love, it's the smart, unapologetically-elitist ex-Bostonian CEO of NBC and GE Microwave Programming that I adore. He can be very sweet and sympathetic when he's not cracking me up, which is most of the time.

Holden Caulfield from The Catcher In The Rye.
The Catcher in the Rye
Oh, Holden. I've had a crush on this character since I was a teenager myself. I suppose I have an innate desire to "fix" this troubled young man, as if somehow I could be the buoy that tethers him to reality and makes him see that life can be beautiful if you let it.

I'm actually glad that author J.D. Salinger never sold the movie rights because I prefer to imagine Holden my own way without Hollywood ruining it with their version of him.

Most of the men from True Blood

With a few exceptions, I think most of the guys in this book series/cast are hotter than the surface of the sun. Sorry, Bill & Lafayette - you just do nothing for me.  Alcide and Eric are my favorites. HUMMANA-HUMMANA!

Eric Northman.  YUM.
I would howl at Alcide's moon anytime.

"The Dude" from The Big Lebowski

Yeah, I know he's not much to look at; in fact, he looks like he smells like dirty laundry (the whites), but any fan of this movie will tell you that El Duderino is all heart. He's drunk/high all the time, has no job, is behind in his rent, and is gullible beyond belief, yet we still love him. He's self-assured, sweet, and kind, and all The Dude wanted was his rug back. He's a good man, and thor-ah.

Michael Bluth from Arrested Development
"Hey, maybe you could pop a tent outside with your cousin Maeby."

You know I have a little thing for Jason Bateman, but I love Michael for Michael, not just because he's played by my long-time actor crush.  He's the responsible adult among a family of lunatics.  He's the straight man who slips little quips in under the radar; so subtly that you can miss them if you're not paying attention.  Plus, he's just adorable!  Look at his cute, tussled hair!  *sigh*  He's dreamy.

Bret & Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords.
It's business time.

No, they're not terribly hot guys, but they're hilarious and in case it isn't obvious already -- I find hilarious to be quite sexy.

Gloria from Modern Family
Eyes up here, people.

Yes, I'm straight, but the one woman I think I'd change teams for is Gloria, played by Sofia Vergara. I just love this character; she's funny and feisty, she's a great mom, and she seems to really love her old fart of a husband despite their glaring age difference. I love that she's flashy and always looks gorgeous. I love that she sticks up for herself and people that she loves. I love her accent. I love her amazing rack.

So there's my list.  Who's on yours?


Liz Tee said...

- Tony Bourdain
- Alton Brown
(I know, not a fictional characters, but in my defense the persona we see on TV probably isn't 100% 'real')
- Jemaine (Flight of the Conchords)
- Jason Bourne
- A good number of Sean Connery characters
- Kevin Costner in 'No Way Out'

I know there are others but I haven't finished my coffee yet. :)

Liz Tee said...

Oh, and some years back I was into Major Kira Nerise on DS9. Also, Starbuck on the recent iteration of BSG.
(Yeah, I'm straight.) :)

MJenks said...

Sadly, I just realized that most of the "characters" I'd most like to bang are cartoons or comics.


I'm fucking sad.

But, Eowyn from the Lord of the Rings has always been on my list.

Rich Girl Red said...

- House (with his real accent in the sack)
- Rob Roy (Liam Neeson's version as well as his character in "Taken"--hubba, hubba)
- Hawkeye Pierce
- Sawyer on "Lost" (I normally prefer dark men but am willing to make an exception for the extra wild sex I expect we'd have)
- Ewan MacGregor (as any character, anytime)
- Gerard Butler (same as Ewan)

I have to stop now and, um, cool off a bit. Is it hot in here?

Melissa said...

MJenks - I would do Faye Valentine ANYtime. Brock Sampson too, now that I'm lookin' at your avatar again...

I don't watch TV save for Cooking Channel and Discovery and History and the like (and I would totally bone Adam Savage), so it's hard for me to come up with any current ones. If I had to dig into the past, it would be Sonny Corinthos on General Hospital. Spike on Buffy.

Melissa said...

Since other people are doing movies though...

Aragorn from LOTR series - great "character" example since I would not at all do Viggo in any other role.

Nathaniel in Last of the Mohicans.

Hm. That's STILL all I can think of. You know, the character thing is a good question. Because while I would nail Liam Neeson in a heartbeat, I can't think of a single character he's played that I would nail. They're all too dark or too serious or too spiritual or too SOMETHING (I haven't seen A-Team yet). Funny.

MJenks said...

Thanks, Melissa. Now I don't feel so bad.

And do I even have to say it? Doctor Girlfriend. Mmmmm...

Heidi Renée said...

Like RGR said, Sawyer (Josh Holloway) from Lost, and any character played by Gerard Butler. My husband knows how much I like GB and rents his movies on purpose.

Melissa said...

Oh hell yes! How did I not think of that before?? YES PLEASE.

Rich Girl Red said...

Oh, I totally forgot books. Jamie Fraser and/or Roger MacKenzie from the Diana Gabaldon series. One ginger, one dark. Both are big, I mean, tall.

Atticus Finch from "To Kill a Mockingbird."

This exercise is taking my day in a completely different direction. I'm not sure whether or not I should thank you for that, Bevers!

Del-V said...

Liz Lemmon

Betty Draper

Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials

Adriana Lima

and Gloria from Modern Family

Bev said...

These are all totally fabulous! I love you guys.

Jason Bourne - great one! He's so awesome.

Melissa & Jenks, I don't know any of those animated characters. I need to google that shit!

Sawyer... YES PLEASE.

Melissa, I totally hear you on the Viggo/Aragorn thing. I have a huge thing for his character in LOTR but haven't had the same reaction to him in any other movie. Not even that one where he goes all soft-core with Maria Bello!

RGR, I need to give you a huge HELL YES for Jamie from Outlander. That Scottish hunk has provided me with many a fantasy!

Del-V - I've been waiting for someone to mention a Mad Men cast member! I don't watch it myself, but even I considered adding Don Draper to my list. Smokin' hot!

Anonymous said...

Oh my...what a list I could come up with if my brain were processing correctly today. Here's a few....

-Will Smith as Mike Lowry in Bad Boys. Ok, Will Smith as anyone.
-Matthew McConaughey as Jake in A Time to Kill
-Aragorn - LOTR - Love a rugged man
-Jason Bourne
-Sloane from Grey's Anatomy - I imagine it would be a wild ride

I'm sure I will come up with more as soon as I post this. I am going to have a very nice afternoon thinking about all these now.


Mala said...

-The guy in the English Patient, Count Whatshisface
- The German a-hole in Schindler's List
- Hades in Clash of the Titans
- Harry in In Bruges
- oh..and Lord Voldemort in those movies I've never seen.


Elliott said...

Ellen Cherry Charles from 'Skinny Legs and All'

India from 'Shalimar the Clown'

Wendy Simms on 'CSI' - smart and beautiful? Yes please.

And I'm sure I need to start watching Mad Men.

Jenks gave me a 'Wayne's World' flashback with his cartoon character quote...

Heddy Newman on 'Herman's Head' - only because of the episode where she indicated that she shaved everything head to toe because she liked to be smoooth.

Frank Irwin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frank Irwin said...

Pretty much any woman who's showing cleavage (front or back, I'm not picky).

Elliott said...

Oops, Heddy actually said she 'liked to glisten'.

And I forgot a few more from movies...

Nova, in the original 'Planet of the Apes'

The Girl (Valentina Vargas) in 'The Name of the Rose'

Sylvia Trench in 'Dr. No' and 'From Russia with Love'

Maggie from 'Northern Exposure'

Audrey Horne from 'Twin Peaks'

I don't watch much fictional TV anymore, can you tell?

Salt said...

I prefer Brett to Jermaine, but I know just what you mean. And I love that show.

And obviously I agree about True Blood too. Alcide is growing on me exponentially every week. (Eric is still my top though.)

Salt said...

I prefer Brett to Jermaine, but I know just what you mean. And I love that show.

And obviously I agree about True Blood too. Alcide is growing on me exponentially every week. (Eric is still my top though.)

Oh and of course Jasper.

onebadmamajama said...

Hugh Jackman as Wolverine
Gerard Butler as anyone and with any accent he wanted to use!
Tom Selleck--but only as a cowboy, wearing chaps;)
Jason Bourne
Jason Statham as The Transporter
Sam and Dean in Supernatural
Just about any of the guys from Sons of Anarchy (except for the old fat guys lol)
Rhett Butler from GWTW
Stu Redman from The Stand

I think maybe I watch too much tv and too many movies lol

onebadmamajama said...

I'm gonna amend mine:

Hugh Jackman as anyone but preferably Wolverine:)

Melissa said...

Bev - Thanks for the comment about Viggo. I just cannot conjure up any attraction to him in anything else!

I thought of another one: Phil Wenneck. Yes, I looked up the full character name.

And Neil McCauley. But as with Viggo... not De Niro in anything else.

And possibly Dean Keaton.

Okay, I'm done. :P

middle child said...

House and Angelina Jolie.

TS Hendrik said...

Jo from Little Women. *sigh* no man could tame her.

MtnMama said...

RGR: Now I KNOW I love you; I've been a huge Gabaldon fan from the start! (and I'm Scot, so there's that...)

Clive Owens in Gosford Park
Chris Noth in the Good Wife
Sean Connery in several roles, years ago
Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap (his vulnerability?)

Hmmm... good question.

MtnMama said...

And how - HOW - could I forget Nate from Six Feet Under?! He was my soul mate. Jeez...

Brooklyn ML said...

Oooooo, good post! Let's see, the list of fictional hotties I want to press myself against:
- Eric Northman
- Jacob Black (Team Jacob all the way!)
- James Bond, as played by Daniel Craig
- Jack, Sawyer, Desmond

I'm sure I'll come up with others after I've posted this comment.

Heidi Renée said...

I have to add another one: Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park.