Friday, August 27, 2010

OOBH Stew: Eff You, Skank! Edition

Hey there! What's shakin', my BOOBHs? (see what I did there?)

It's Friday, and you know what that means: OOBH Stew time. Today I'm gonna do something a little different though because I do so love to mix it up and keep it real, don't you?

Last night as I was thinking about what pop culture nuggets I'd mince up for the stew I realized that all of the stories I wanted to talk about involved celebu-skanks who need to be told to eff off, and fast. I don't typically get so negative here on the OOBH but this has been building for a while now, so today I shall release the Kraken and add a hearty pinch of "EFF YOU, SKANK" seasoning to the Stew.
Tastes like cigarettes and Thunderbird.

Naturally, if you're offended by the F-bomb you might want to skip this one. If not, pull up a stool (heh heh, I said stool) and enjoy.

Eff You, Skank #1:  Fuck You by Cee-Lo Green.

The first ingredient comes from a rather unlikely source, but since I am the Tess McGill of the blogging world I take pride in collecting information from many different sources.  I heard about this song yesterday while listening to NPR. Yes, I know - I'm such a rock star, pumpin' my public radio to find the freshest new jams. *eye roll*

Bear with me, because this song is hilarious AND it fits in with today's theme. The song is called "Fuck You" and it's catchy as all get-out. It's already a huge hit online even though it hasn't even been released yet. You simply must listen to it to understand the coolness of it all, but be forewarned - it's obviously NSFW and contains bad language. Durr.

Right?!  I love it!

Eff You, Skank #2:  LiHo is out of jail/rehab.

This bish, right? The best part is that now they're blaming all of her partying and erratic behavior on being prescribed Adderall when she didn't have ADD. YEAH RIGHT! Nice try, folks. Oooh, Adderall mimics the effects of cocaine? Well guess what? So does COCAINE, which she was caught with on two of the occasions when she got stopped for DUI.

Now she'll get millions of dollars to do her post-jail interviews in which she'll cry and say how the court system wronged her & the judge was unfair.  She'll have a career renaissance and will be hotter than ever while the rest of us are just trying to stay out of trouble and pay the goddamned electric bill on time. FUCK YOU, SKANK!

Eff You, Skank #3:  Heidi Montag wants to have her DDD implants removed.

BOO HOO!  They make her back hurt and she has to have her clothes custom-made.  Waaaaaaaaaaah!

So you mean that tottering around with 2+ gallons of saline perched on your 100 lb. frame wasn't a good idea?  Who'da thunk it?!

FUCK YOU, ya' halfwit!  Go away!

Eff You, Skank #4:   Britney has a hot bod again.

Remember when Brit-Brit was cray-cray and looked like this:

Well, now that she's back on her meds, has stopped sucking down frappecinos like they're water, and has re-enlisted the help of her personal trainer, she looks great again.

Where the hell are MY personal trainers and chefs? Oh yeah, that's right, I don't have any because I'm not a nutcase who is more famous for going crazy and not wearing panties than for her... wait, what did she used to do? Sing, or something?

Shoot, man. Fuck you. Skank.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest I feel a lot better! :)  Anyone else need to vent?  Have at it - we don't judge.

We'll get back to rainbows, puppies, and sunshine next week. Have a great weekend!


MJenks said...

Hee hee. I like songs with the word "fuck" in the chorus.

Exhibit A: My post last week about Ray Bradbury.

...Aaaaaaaaand, guess what song I just got relodged into my head.

Elliott said...

I haven't heard the song, since I have no speakers here at work and probably wouldn't exhibit the poor judgment to use them if I did.

However, LiHo's looking airbrushedly hot on the cover of Maxim. At least I think that was her, I generally don't pay much attention. I'm just shocked she's out of jail already. And nobody shanked her? What is this world coming to?

I'm generally in a 'fa-HUCK YA-hoo' mood of late, I should do something about that.

Salt said...

OMG I hate Heidi. I KNEW she was going to come out whining and crying about wanting them removed. She's a damn fool and I wish she would just drop off the face of the Earth.

I've never heard this song before...I'm intrigued.

TS Hendrik said...

Forget the rainbows and puppies, I want more ranting like this. That was wicked funny. And I love that song.

Mike said...

Great list. You may have to make this a permanent weekly fixture.

Bev said...

Well, hello fellas (and Salt). :)

Jenks - I also like songs with "fuck" in them. This one though - this will become an anthem, mark my words. I can picture gaggles of girls in their daddy's car shouting these lyrics. Good times.

Elliott - Listen to it later, you won't be disappointed.

Sure, Linds can look fabulous with lots of Photoshop, make-up, and great lighting. No one ever said she wasn't pretty; but she's still a spoiled, entitled brat and I want to see her FAIL.

*blush* Bad, Bev. Bad. Simmer down.

Salt - I know, I wondered how long it would take Heidi to turn around and cry about how she doesn't look like herself (or a human) anymore.

TS - Duly noted! More rants, fewer rainbows. Comin' right up.

Mike - Thanks! I will see what I can do. I'm tired of the Stew anyway. :)

Heidi Renée said...

Haha, drop off the face of the earth like her plastic surgeon did?

Hmm, too soon?

We could just pop those cantaloupes with knitting needles.

Frank Irwin said...

CeeLo needs to HTFU.

Rich Girl Red said...

Bev, you made me laugh out loud! I adore a vicarious rant. I feel so close to you right now. Hug. Tear.

I love songs with "bad" words in them. I especially like it when the back-up singers repeat them, all harmoniously and shit.

Hope you have a fabulous weekend dahlin'!

(WV: Kayzativ: I wish all these skanks would get deported to Kayzativ.)

MtnMama said...

Well, as so often happens, RGR voiced my sentiments so articulately that I'm commenting meerly to show support.
LiLo is a HO and Heidi is a twat and Brit is just batshit crazy, that song IS catchy and made me laugh, and I love you.


I have the best F--- song for you. It's an old school "techno song" that has funny lyrics and truths that still make me laugh. You will thank me later!

Samsmama said...

I haven't listened to that song, despite it being there every time I turn around. Don't know why I won't listen to it. Weird, I know.

I can't stand Heidi! Montag that is, not Renee, whose comment made me laugh.

Way to go, Brit! Lookin' good!

Oh, and "Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest I feel a lot better!" made me chuckle, too. I imagine that's what Heidi (again, Montag) will say.

Mala said...

My mind is about to explode trying to figure out how NPR discussed this song! That must have been some good public radio.

So will Heidi be looking for donations for her boob removal surgery? I mean, afterall, what the hell do they do for employment? How much can Attention-Seeking Assholes pay?

Frank Irwin said...

Mala, listen to it here.

willy jerk-off said...

Bev, you are amazing and i desperately want to bum you off.

Bev said...

Wow, thanks Willy. I think?

dogimo said...

DAMN IT CEE-LO! That could have been the flagship track to anchor the next Gnarls Barkley album!

I mean sure, you deserve solo spotlight like anybody else, and you've worked hard and paid your does, but you've got some momentum going here with Gnarls, and this could have been a sweet way to cement it and help sell everything else you've got! Does this mean Gnarls is done?

Ah heck. I guess maybe the track itself is a bit more musically traditional than what all Danger Mouse would have hooked up. The music suits it.

Thanks for the find, Bev! Pardon the vent.