Monday, September 13, 2010

It's Official: I Am Too Old for MTV

Good morning, my lovelies.  How is everyone today?  I'm just fine and dandy, thanks.  Okay, not really; really I'm fighting a cold, have a horrible tickle in my throat, and have been screwing around online all morning but getting absolutely nothing accomplished.  So in other words, it's a typical Monday.

Last week I blogged about how excited I was to watch TV on Sunday night, and as is always the case when I look forward to something on the tube, I set myself up for disappointment.  I started off attempting to watch the VMA red carpet pre-show, and MAN, was that awful.  First of all, it was a sea of nobodies; there were no stars present, no good interviews to be seen, and the announcers were all 20 year olds in shiny suits and spray tans.  It was also a Jersey Shore event, and I'm really ready to show that batch of no-talent assclowns the door.  Aren't their 15 minutes up yet?  Good lord.  Someone needs to tell that dumpy little Snooki broad that there IS such a thing as too goddamn tan.  Yuck!

Anyway, I had to laugh because they had the new "Twitter Jockey" on; some of you may recall that our own blogging superstar LiLu was up for that job not too long ago.  MTV made a huge mistake by not hiring her - LiLu is young, hip, and cute - the girl they hired was young and cute-ish, but I swear to dog she was wearing some sort of Laura Ashley spangled frock with shoulder pads.  SHOULDER PADS, people!  It was painful.

As the awards show began I switched over to the season finale of True Blood, which was fairly MEH, in my opinion.  There were a few good shocking moments, but all in all they bounced around between the many story lines way too much, Bill proved himself to be the dumbest vampire who ever lived (?), and there was no boinking whatsoever.  FAIL!

The best part of the episode was the look on Sookie's face as she disposed of Talbot in the garbage disposal.  Awesome.  After the literal suck-fest of TB, I watched about an hour of the VMAs before realizing that I am just too damn old for that shit.

Chelsea... was not funny.  At all.  In fact, most of her jokes seemed to land on a room full of chirping crickets, especially when she called the whole audience "idiots."  Those self-important twats were NOT up for making fun of themselves, clearly, but Chelsea soldiered on.  It was pretty heart-breaking, but at least she looked fabulous.

None of her jokes seemed to land, the skits were gawd-awful, and what in the name of Vodka was up with the DJ in Mickey Ears???

Don't even get me started on the horrific LiHO sketch that started the show. Oh, it's sooooo funny that she called herself a drunk and made fun of her legal woes. Ha ha freakin' ha. It's nice to see that she's taking it all so seriously and that Hollywood won't punish her at all for being a total fuck-up. I'll say it one more time, and then I'll drop it: STOP ENCOURAGING HER!

You know I love the Lady Gaga, but even her crazy outfits & bizarrely tan face couldn't hold my interest for long, especially since her cool factor was totally blotted out by the mass quantities of Bieber, Swift, and Kanye present.  I was psyched to see that Cher was there though, AND she donned her classic "If I Could Turn Back Time" outfit just to rub our noses in the fact that she hasn't aged in over thirty years.

I'm thinking witchcraft is behind it.

Or perhaps it is, as the hilarious Michael K. of Dlisted says, "Some Benjamin Buttons shit!"

Either way, ya' gotta hand it to her - she had balls of steel to wear that shit 20 years ago when she was just a wee lassie in her FORTIES.  She still rocks it today!

So yeah, as much as I pay attention to pop culture, I didn't know who half of those "artists" were, and I don't care to find out.  This must be some sort of developmental milestone for La Bev, but I choose not to think of it as maturing... just evolving.  I think I will just stick to my Oscar party (of one) from now on.  At least I know who the hell those people are.

Did anyone else watch?  Thoughts? 


Rich Girl Red said...

YAY! It's not just me! Boy, am I relieved. I was eager to watch this crapfest, too, and found myself irritated, frustrated, and ultimately very bored. It was more fun watching my chihuahua lick her hey-nonnie-nonnie than watching Chelsea (who I LOVE) suck big time.

Those Jersey Shore folks have GOT TO GO! They are working my nerves, child, working them BAD.

Best moment in the show was Cher in that amazing ensemble. Un-freaking-believable. She cannot be human. It's true that after the apocalypse all that will be left will be Cher and cockroaches. Yeah, I'm jealous.

Basically, I think I can love the music without having to actually watch it being performed, produced, or celebrated.

Samsmama said...

Well, thanks for all the spoilers! Kidding. I recorded it (or, as my mom says, "taped" it) but haven't gotten around to it yet. Sounds like I'll be taking advantage of the FFWD button.

I hate to hear that about Chelsea. I really like her.

And hubby said he was less than thrilled with the TB finale.

Me? I watched the Kardashian show, a rerun of Criminal Minds, and a few shows off the DVR. I had 3 glasses of wine, a hot shower, and a hit of NyQuill. That's how I roll.

Frank Irwin said...

I watched Dallas completely blow a football game, instead of the VMAs.

Is it just me, or does anyone else thing that Cher looks a bit like a Tellytubby in that picture?

TS Hendrik said...

I was too old for MTV when I was 15. lol

Sounds pretty dreadful all around.

Brooklyn ML said...

Cher is awesome. Always. Forever.

calicobebop said...

Didn't watch - I have given up on MTV. It is dead to me.

Did watch TB and yeah - it was totally "meh." If only they could have thrown in a good boink or two...

Mala said...

HA, FRANK!!! LMGDAO @teletubby!
but still, damn! She's like 70 years old and rocks it. Moi, jealous? just a bit.

I fell asleep during the VMAs. Yeah, that's how I roll.

I gave up caring as soon as they made a big deal about Kan-frackin'-yay performing. Seriously, who sent that ass-wipe another invitation? He's that dude at parties that makes ALL the other guests uncomfortable. Effer.

Mala said...

Oh, and I predict, if it's not already true, that Snooki will be wider than she is taller by the time she's 30.

Samsmama said...

Frank, yes. Totally blew it.

Bev said...

RGR - LMAO @ "Cher and cockroaches!" SO TRUE. You are sooo not alone - that show sucked worse than ever!

Smama - That actually sounds really good to me right now. My cold is blossoming into quite a nasty one, so I'm sure I'll be following your lead with the wine/Nyquil tonight too.

Frank - Ha!! Yes, I see it.

TS - Yeah, yeah... I just chose to ignore it until last night. I'm like Dr. Evil, "I'm hip. I'm cool. Ducka ducka ducka ducka...."

Brooklyn - WORD.

Calico - You thought so too? I'm so glad. I kept waiting to be blown away by it, but no. Not at all.

Mala - Yes, I couldn't believe they let Kanye in the door, much less perform. UGH. Just awful all around.

Totally agree about Snooki too; she's already working on a horizontal spread, and she's not tall enough to pull that off. She'll be an orange bowling ball by 2020.

onebadmamajama said...

I flipped it over and watched that train wreck for about 30 minutes. It took about that long to realize that Lady Gagme was pretty much walkin' away with everything. I also barfed when Taylor Swift "sang" that horrible song that was supposed to be for Kanye. Give it a rest already!

I've never really seen Chelsea Handler much, but I was not impressed. I thought the bit with the hottub was kinda funny but only because I figure they all like a good poo and spoo LOL

Frank Irwin said...

It's pretty funny how, thanks to Cary and LOTD, whenever we think of a hot tub, the first thing that comes to mind is "poo & spoo."

Or pretty sad.

Salt said...

I saw all the tweets about this last night and decided to avoid it. How the hell old IS Cher now anyway? Like 300?

And strangely enough Death Becomes Her was on the other day. That's a movie that I haven't thought about in at least a decade.

Too bad about Chelsea.

Even more too bad about Jersey Shore. For US I mean. God I hate those losers.

Stacie's Madness said...

i did not I don't need to. ;)

Heather said...

I stopped watching the VMAs when Kanye and Taylor were the main show piece. I couldn't care less about any of the people on them anymore, so I tuned in to "How the Earth Was Made" instead and I'm pretty sure it was more exciting!

MtnMama said...

Ha! I recorded Mad Men and The Glades (leading man looks JUST like my fantasy boy-toy) and watched a science show about how dogs evolved. So I think my judgement is pretty good. ;)

Bless Cher. She's 64, I remember her pre-surgery, and I've always liked her chutzpah. She has a sweet expression on her face when she tells the world to go fuck themselves.

NPR's review of Tayor Swift's song was hilarious, btw.


I stopped watching MTV when they removed the Music from MTV.

tracey said...

THANK YOU! I know I'm old & dusty - I get it. But, Chelsea wasn't funny - she's turning into a wasp-y version of Sarah Silverman, who I also think is chronically un-funny. Gawd almighty, everyone loves a good vajay jay joke, but sing a different song once in awhile for God's sake. Sarcasm is one thing, bitterness is another.

And I would give up my first born - I'm not THAT old & dusty - to see the Jersey Shore kids wiped out in a freak tanning bed accident. Where's a vial of SARS when you need it?

Cher never ages. She's the Dorian Grey of the music industry. See how I threw a little literary reference in there to impress you & class up the joint? You're welcome.

PorkStar said...

lmao... yeah no i didnt watch it at all and i keep forgetting that exists or even happens. I myself think im too old for that crap.

Interesting review and Lilu is the best thing that happened to blog land.

RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild said...

I'm so glad I don't have a tv. (I definitely would've watched if I did.)
Have a good day.

Heidi Renée said...

I was also flabbergasted by the TJ. Being one myself, I am all for big girls rocking what their mama (or their Cheetos) gave them in style, but WHAT was she wearing? She also sounded like an idiot. I hate to rag on the girl because I'm sure she's great (although no Lilu), but DAY-um.