Good morning, my lovelies. How is everyone today? I'm just fine and dandy, thanks. Okay, not really; really I'm fighting a cold, have a horrible tickle in my throat, and have been screwing around online all morning but getting absolutely nothing accomplished. So in other words, it's a typical Monday.
Last week I blogged about how excited I was to watch TV on Sunday night, and as is always the case when I look forward to something on the tube, I set myself up for disappointment. I started off attempting to watch the VMA red carpet pre-show, and MAN, was that awful. First of all, it was a sea of nobodies; there were no stars present, no good interviews to be seen, and the announcers were all 20 year olds in shiny suits and spray tans. It was also a Jersey Shore event, and I'm really ready to show that batch of no-talent assclowns the door. Aren't their 15 minutes up yet? Good lord. Someone needs to tell that dumpy little Snooki broad that there IS such a thing as too goddamn tan. Yuck!
LiLu was up for that job not too long ago. MTV made a huge mistake by not hiring her - LiLu is young, hip, and cute - the girl they hired was young and cute-ish, but I swear to dog she was wearing some sort of Laura Ashley spangled frock with shoulder pads. SHOULDER PADS, people! It was painful.
The best part of the episode was the look on Sookie's face as she disposed of Talbot in the garbage disposal. Awesome. After the literal suck-fest of TB, I watched about an hour of the VMAs before realizing that I am just too damn old for that shit.
Chelsea... was not funny. At all. In fact, most of her jokes seemed to land on a room full of chirping crickets, especially when she called the whole audience "idiots." Those self-important twats were NOT up for making fun of themselves, clearly, but Chelsea soldiered on. It was pretty heart-breaking, but at least she looked fabulous.
None of her jokes seemed to land, the skits were gawd-awful, and what in the name of Vodka was up with the DJ in Mickey Ears???
Don't even get me started on the horrific LiHO sketch that started the show. Oh, it's sooooo funny that she called herself a drunk and made fun of her legal woes. Ha ha freakin' ha. It's nice to see that she's taking it all so seriously and that Hollywood won't punish her at all for being a total fuck-up. I'll say it one more time, and then I'll drop it: STOP ENCOURAGING HER!
You know I love the Lady Gaga, but even her crazy outfits & bizarrely tan face couldn't hold my interest for long, especially since her cool factor was totally blotted out by the mass quantities of Bieber, Swift, and Kanye present. I was psyched to see that Cher was there though, AND she donned her classic "If I Could Turn Back Time" outfit just to rub our noses in the fact that she hasn't aged in over thirty years.
I'm thinking witchcraft is behind it.
Or perhaps it is, as the hilarious Michael K. of Dlisted says, "Some Benjamin Buttons shit!"
Either way, ya' gotta hand it to her - she had balls of steel to wear that shit 20 years ago when she was just a wee lassie in her FORTIES. She still rocks it today!
So yeah, as much as I pay attention to pop culture, I didn't know who half of those "artists" were, and I don't care to find out. This must be some sort of developmental milestone for La Bev, but I choose not to think of it as maturing... just evolving. I think I will just stick to my Oscar party (of one) from now on. At least I know who the hell those people are.
Did anyone else watch? Thoughts?