Thursday, October 7, 2010

Crap. I'm Jeffrey's Mom.

Misery, thy name is Thursday.

Who us, misbehave?
Okay, maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. It happens. But I do feel like something the cat dragged in today. Yesterday was one of those busy, busy days. I set aside some time in the morning to do some work that didn't end up getting done, then drove all over the place in the pouring rain in the afternoon, collected the kids, fed them, dressed them in their new Celtics shirts, and got them to the basketball game in the middle of our very crowded little city - all by myself. The game started off okay -- the boys were excited but good; I got them the cotton candy I had promised along with a hideously-overpriced bottle of Aquafina, and we settled in to watch the team warm up.

Stink Eye Hamster disapproves
Within 5 minutes the woman in the seat in front of Danny was giving us the stink eye; then she asked him to stop kicking her chair.  And so it began.

The boys just could not sit still, and apparently all of the people around us had no children and no recollection of ever BEING children themselves. I'm not sure how many of you BOOBHs are familiar with New Englanders and their ways, so allow me to fill you in.

I love my people, but they are sometimes not an overly friendly bunch. Once you get to know them they're lovely and will give you the shirts off their backs, but crowds of strangers tend to be polite, reserved, and above all, quiet. I'm not a big sports person so this was one of my first times braving a bunch of die-hard fans who wanted to watch this pre-season game with ZERO interruptions, but let's just say that this is one of the main reasons that I've never gone to a baseball game. Quite simply, Red Sox Nation terrifies me. I wouldn't last two minutes among them.
They start 'em young

That being said, the row in front of us last night were not the friendly, "Oh, that's okay! He's just excited!" types of people. They were stink eye-givers to the Nth degree.

I want so badly to be a fun mom. I AM fun, damn it, so all I want is to be able to go to these functions and be goofy and have a good time with my kids.  Yet because I also seem to have a crippling fear of bothering other people, I wind up feeling like the uptight mom who's constantly correcting the kids. M was a wiggly mess by the end of the first quarter - a 40 lb. ball of sneakers and sticky hands who just wanted to run and be freeeeeeee. He kept lying on the disgusting stadium floor trying to worm his way towards the center aisle by army crawling under my legs.  Of course, I wasn't having any of that.

During the time-outs they'd play loud music & show other kids in the stadium boogying, so both the boys would dance, which I encouraged... except D's version of dancing involves making a weird angry face and punching his arms and legs out aggressively in all directions. M then imitates him, so I have two spasmodic punching machines surrounded by frowning, disapproving seat-mates. At one point as I struggled to hold M in my lap so he wouldn't make another break for it, he may or may not have graaaaaazed the head of the woman in front of me with his foot. She was not amused.

I love it when my face sweats
It was exhausting and my good spirits quickly vanished. Jim finally arrived at halftime, at which point both kids seemed to deflate and allow the fact that it was 90 minutes past their very strictly-enforced bedtime to sink in. We had a brief period of them sitting quietly with blank expressions on their faces while I told Jim why I was a sweaty, peevish mess. Their calmness didn't last though, and I finally grabbed my youngest and headed for the door just before the end of the 3rd quarter. At least I beat the traffic getting out of the parking garage, but still. S-s-suuuuuckage.

It will be a very long time before we attempt another professional sporting event; at least 3-4 years. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted all over again!  I was so excited about this event, but when all is said and done the whole thing left me frazzled, sweaty and discouraged.  I was, and am, Jeffrey's mom.

I don't wanna be Jeffrey's mom!


I adore my children, but I think I need to buy stock in Clairol what with all the gray hairs they're giving me lately!  We're taking the boys out of town this weekend on an overnight trip to a crowded city, so I can't wait to see what fresh hell Saturday will bring.  I am truly a glutton for punishment.


Salt said...

Darn it I wrote you a big old comment and then my internet crashed. It was all about how I feel your pain and my brothers have been driving me crazy long enough that it's amazing I wasn't gray at 22.

Good luck this weekend. I'm sure you'll be just fine!

Cary said...

Ugh. Been there more times than I care to remember. Your story reminds me of what it was like to fly with a 3-year-old. Torture.

So who won the game? hahahahaha

Frank Irwin said...

When it looked like the Red Sox might make it to the World Series several years ago, a buddy of mine and I looked into getting tickets to a WS game. He was debating buying a ticket for his 2 year old son. "But he'll be able to say he saw the Sox play in the World Series!" was his reasoning.

Luckily, the Red Sox ended up losing the playoff series.

Bev said...

Thanks, Salt! Misery does love company... and being told that eventually it'll get easier!

Cary - Ha! Game? There was a game? Shoot.

(Btw, Celtics swept the floor with 'em)

Frank - Uhhhh, no. You couldn't pay me to bring my kids to a game RS Nation takes so seriously! Thank goodness they lost, indeed - you dodged a bullet there!

MJenks said...

I had a blogger meet-up at a baseball game here in North By God Carolina in which I had to take the children. I was afeared that I would be Jeffrey's know...without the nice hair and earrings and uterus and stuff.

However, my children delighted me when my blogger meet-up friend turned to me and said, "Your children are quite well-behaved."

Frank Irwin said...

When I had my blogger meet-up with Bev, she brought her daughter Mala, who wasn't so well-behaved.

MtnMama's daughter, though, was.

Bev said...

Jenks - Oh suuuure, rub it in! (that's what she said)

Yeah. No compliments for my kids last night. FML.

Frank - Are you saying I look old enough to have a 35 year old daughter? Come over here and say that. *rolling up sleeves*

Stacie's Madness said...

OH YES... i hear you girl...this is sooo me...

I'm Jeffery. Wait, no...I'm Jeffery's mom too.

TS Hendrik said...

I'm sure they'll appreciate the hard work you put in to share the experience with them when they get older.

That picture of the Red Sox kid cracketh me up.

Frank Irwin said...

Yes, Bev, I deserve a good spanking.

Mala said...

I was supposed to behave?!? Well, shit.

So let me get this right; a bunch of people who paid to see, and took far too seriously, a group of over-grown, over-paid men play with their balls were annoyed by your kids? I would guess they'd have far bigger issues in their lives.

eff them!

Frank Irwin said...

Mala, I was not complaining!

onebadmamajama said...

I totally understand how you feel, Bev. Folks who don't have or forget what it's like to have young children SUCK! It's not like your kids were crying or smoking cigs or drinking or cussing (were they?! haha)

Come on down to TN...we actually encourage kids to get all sticky and dirty while watching sporting events! You get extra points if they don't wear shoes;)

Laurie said...

Been exactly there! Took the nephews to the circus at the Verizon a few years back. Lil shits were causing all sorts of trouble. And, even though it was a circus (where everyone had kids), I still got massive mean looks. NH sux in this way!

So, it's great we are going to MA this weekend. We can live it up like mass-holes and not give a damn!

Love Ya!

MtnMama said...

Oh honey. The fact that you attempted it says both good and bad things.
Good: That you're an optimist. That you love your family. That you wanted to enjoy a good time and have fun. That you look for the best in your fellow man.

Bad: That you somehow momentarily forgot that you were taking your precious, delightful young boys to a noisy, overstimulating place, where you would feed them cotton candy, keep them up past their bedtime, surround them with stern, humorless strangers, and then basically confine them in a 3x3 cage that seemed like a challenge to break out of.
I blame the potato chips...

Here, come sit beside me while I rub your feet and share with you why I never took my sweet daughter anywhere like that until she was much older than your youngest... so that people like Frank would praise them - and I could refrain from tossing her off the cheap seats.

Samsmama said...

Oh, Bevalicious, I don't envy you tackling that one alone, but you're a good mama for doing so. Like TS Hendrick said, it's the experience that matters, and you created a fabulous memory for them. People need to lighten up. At the last pro sports event I was at I was more annoyed by a group of drunk, cussing adults than I was by any kids. Those outings can be a gamble, and most often wear you the eff out, but I think it's worth it. Some time I'll tell you a story about my BFF who never let her child get so much as one minute off of schedule and how that little girl is now a high strung mess and is in therapy.

Heidi Renée said...

Sounds like you would have had an easier time wrangling rabid badgers. Hats off to you, big time.

Senorita said...

Aww, poor La Bev !

I don't have any words of encouragement, but I do feel guilty because I am childless and have given stink eyes in the past.

Forgive me ?


I had trouble reading this post. I couldn't remove the image of the Celtic Jerseys. I have to go now.