Monday, February 7, 2011

The Big Game Recap, AKA: My Cheeto Hangover

Whussup, my humps? How are you all doing on this lovely Monday morning?

I'm pretty good. I have horrible heartburn from eating so much delicious food yesterday, but that's nobody's fault but my own. I don't know what it is about the Stupid Bowl that makes me think it's okay to eat pizza, wings, AND Cheetos all in the same day, especially because I don't even like football.

Yeah, I said it. I don't like football. At all. I don't even feel badly about not liking it, so there!

I was present in the room while the game was on, but only so that I could watch Xtina mangle the National Anthem, see the much-hyped ads (which, correct me if I'm wrong, sucked this year?) and watch the halftime show (ditto). During the game itself I was plugged into my laptop watching crap on Netflix that no one else in my house ever wants to see; a documentary about life after death? Yes please!

That being said, let's get it over with and talk about poor Chrissy fucking up the words to our most cherished and hard-to-sing song. First of all, the girl has pipes and no one can take that away from her. I'm not generally nuts about all the embellishments she adds BUT it's a hard song to sing and everybody makes mistakes, so I don't think she's a terrorist. People need to settle down and back the truck up, am I right? I'm sure she feels awful and has already issued an apology, so this whole thing does nothing to either improve or harm my already ambivalent attitude towards her.

The Bev has spoken! Case closed. ;)

That being said, I think they should have asked this little girl to sing the song and then cut the audio out so that we could have a repeat of this wonderful moment of human kindness:

Speaking of audio cutting out, did everyone catch the halftime show?

Ohhhhh, snap, someone's gettin' fired over that one! I actually like the Black Eyed Peas--not enough to buy a whole album, but I have downloaded some of their big hits. I swear to dog that I would never have lost my baby weight without, "My Humps" and "Let's Get It Started" blasting in my ears at the gym! I also think they put on quite an impressive show with all those neon-lit dancers surrounding the stage. However, I didn't realize that two of the Peas do little more than jump around in flashing LED suits while and Fergie hoot and holler. I felt bad for the guy with the mohawk; dude only had one line to sing and his mic wasn't even on for half of it.

Basically, aside from all the star appearances and the masses of back-up dancers in funky space outfits, the whole thing sounded like bad karaoke. And trust me, I know what that sounds like!

Since I'm a child of the 80's I enjoyed seeing Slash pop up out of nowhere and then disappear back into the bowels of the stage with no explanation whatsoever, though friends of mine who are not tone deaf (as I am) tell me that Fergie was off-key for most of Sweet Child O' Mine. I really wouldn't know.

Finally, any appearance by Usher is a-ok by me... it's a well-documented fact that I dig me some Usher. One of my Facebook friends posted the most hilarious comment from his 8 year-old; he said, "Wow, Usher is a great dancer! He's like Michael Jackson only black."

D'oh! From the mouths of babes....

As for the ads... meh. I didn't see any that blew me away with the exception of one that my sister showed me before the game had even started. She said it reminded her of my kid, and she is SO right!

Sooooo, there you have it: a football non-fan's take on the biggest game of the year. Don't just take my word for it--tell me what you thought!


Samsmama said...

Paradise City? I must have missed that part.

Lord, leave Christina alone. And I thought the BEP halftime show was great. We saw them in concert last year and I probably lost 6 pounds that night. Super fun to see.

That commercial? Man, I got teary eyed when I first saw it and did again last night when I played it for Sam no less than 7 times.

Elliott said...

I was blessed with the dog's small bladder and ADHD during half-time, so I spent most of the halftime show in the silent outdoors. But yes, the parts of it I saw were bad, both technically and musically.

I loved the VW commercial, and was glad to see that Pepsi went for the lowest common denominator. Budweiser's ads were awful, but so's their product. And was that Peter Stormare? Really?

Where were the cat ranchers of yore? The gerbil being launched from a cannon? Tabasco-filled exploding mosquitoes?

There were a few things that amused me, but I'm beginning to feel as though ad companies just aren't trying.

But yes, I did almost wet myself over the Doritos commercial...'Are you gonna finish those?'

But that might just be the old age and incontinence talking. Depends.

MJenks said...

I still haz a happy.

I was giving the boy a shower during halftime. I liked the NFL's ad where they spliced in the paraphernalia of all the teams into the television scenes. An the AT&T commercial with the dudes on the ski lift kind of delighted me.

Other than that, full on 'meh'. The Darth Vader kid did remind me of my own spawn, so there was that, too.

Still, I haz a warm and fuzzy that not even debt collectors can take from me.

Bev said...

Smama - D'OH! Yeah, my morning brain mistake. Sweet Child O' Mine, it was. Thx - fixed!

I'd see the BEP in concert in a heartbeat.

Elliott - I agree! I thought all of the advertisers slacked off this year. I guess they figured we would watch even if they gave us drivel, and turns out they were right.

Jenks - What's the reason for this happy of yours? Because your team won? Is that how it works? Maybe I need to get into football. I could use a happy!

Mary said...

seriously...that damn Darth Vader is my youngest back in the day...
best ad of the night.
And poor Xtina...she's awesome and while the lyrics were wrong, its not like she's a terrorist...wait, I feel like I heard that somewhere before :)

Heidi Renée said...

I immediately thought of that darling little girl, too!

I went the non-traditional route and made waffles to eat during the game.

My favorite commercial was the Chrysler ad with Eminem. I almost cried seeing all of the Detroit landmarks. Ok, I might have actually let a few tears roll.

Frank Irwin said...

Why is Samsmama talking about Paradise City?

adrienzgirl said...

I loved The BEP half time show. I mean, the sound was messed up, but that's not the BEPs' fault. The sound guy should totally get fired for that. Seriously!

Mala said...

Excellent recap since I was too busy watching the Puppy Bowl. What? I HATE football.

I did, however, tear myself away from water bowl cams and furry awesomeness to suffer through...errrrr, watch, the half time show. Yes, I do agree that there's some unemployed audio and lighting peeps this morning. LO E - damn "V"! Who forgot to turn on the "V"!?!

CaliforniaMG said...

Wow, it seems I missed a lot! I saw maybe 3 commercials, the half-time show, and I think that's it. I do not like football. I did make home-made pizza that was pretty awesome, so there's that.

onebadmamajama said...

I am proud to say I didn't see any of it! We had an anti-Stupid Bowl Movie Night party. Basically, we pigged out on chips,dip and junk food and watched movies til the late hours of the night:) Sounds like we didn't miss anything.

Kari said...

Fucking football.

Dave said...

I like football, but it's one of the very few (or only) sports that I'll bother watching. I would have been more interested if my Saintsez had made it to the 'bowl like last year, but hey, that was a first. Cool Brees Voodoo, that was.

Didn't watch Xtina, but I did see some of the halftime show - the volume wasn't up very loud for it, so I couldn't tell quite how bad they did overall, but Fergie (or whatever her name is) sure butchered Axl Rose's song. And THAT is quite an accomplishment - I loved GnR's first album, but I always thought he sang like Ethel Merman on crack, or maybe jonesing for some more really badly. And Fergie managed to fuck THAT up...could have been the sound, though, maybe she couldn't hear the music very well.

Didn't catch one commercial, really - not one that I can think of or remember, anyway. Sounds like they all just kind of phoned it in this year. I guess I can go back and check some out on the interconnecting toobs sometime.

Glad everybody had a good time, whether you're a fan of the game or not, and whether you watched any of it or not, it doesn't really matter if you had a good time. That is one good thing, football does make for some hep parties - especially tailgating @ LSU home games...

Hope everybody is surviving this whack weather, those who are getting hit so hard.

Dave said...

Maybe that should have been "as long as you have a good time". My b, B.

And my word verification is "priervee", what do you think it's trying to say about me? Or is it about you guys?!? Great minds and all, I'd think.

Elliott said...

Dave - "Ethel Merman on crack"?

I always got more of a Geraldine vibe..."Geraldine say you in the jungle baby, an' you gonna die!"

But Axl singing "You'll be swell, you'll be great..." would be just as good.

Dave said...

Wow, Elliot, that's just cold, yo! AND with a link to a video, nice. Can't access the vid here, but I remember watching the Flip show often. Thinking of those 3 really bring some mental chalkboard moments to mind.
I think the worst I'd ever heard was Rose trying to sing (in a studio version, now) Paul McCartney's Live & Let Die - that was a pig slaughter, or the closest I've ever been to what it must sound like.
I liked Flip, alter egos and all...thanks for the reload.

Kate said...

Anyone else think that Fergie looked preggers? Or does she always look that way?

The glowed up dancers all over the field were very likely high school cheerleaders/dancers that got picked for All Stars at cheerleading camp during the summer. Their parents paid a pretty penny for them to be there.