Monday, March 28, 2011

Conspiracy Theories

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm pretty sure that my iPod became self-aware this morning.

I had it on random shuffle mode and the songs it played were all shockingly similar in theme. I'm pretty sure it's trying to tell me something, but I'm not sure what.

It played:
I Will Survive - the Cake version.
I thought: Hmm, okay. Cake's version is even more blase and peevish than the original, so I can dig it.

I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Hmm, that's odd. What are the chances? Strange.

I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
This is getting a little weird.

I'm Still Standin' - Elton John

If I Fall (You're Goin' Down With Me) - Dixie Chicks
OMG, I think I need to go home and not handle any sharp objects today.

But no, I didn't do that. I'm here at work, waiting to see what kind of trouble will find me today. I'm thinking positively, as always, but still... bracing for something. The iPod has spoken!

Speaking of crazy conspiracy theories, there are a few things that I've been wondering about lately, and I thought I'd just throw them out there and see what you guys thought. I'm not usually someone who thinks everything means something, and I definitely don't subscribe to the whole 2012: world coming to an end thing. But still.

What's up with all the UFOs?

Last week, there was yet another UFO sighting in Colorado. According to ABC News, last week hundreds of residents in the town of Lafayette, CO witnessed a strange triangular formation of red lights hovering soundlessly over their homes. In fact, they even got video of them:

Last October, mysterious objects were seen over one of the most heavily-monitored air spaces in the world: the island of Manhattan. Countless people saw the strange objects, yet the authorities couldn't offer any explanation of what they were and the whole thing seemed to be quietly swept under the rug. This website would have you believe that there are several UFO sightings every single week, including one over Tsunami-ravaged Fukushima, Japan just last week.

Humans: always the last to know

I've blogged before about this year's strange fish kills and birds falling out of the sky, dead. It's a documented fact that animals know things before we lowly humans get the memo, so what microscopic natural cues are the world's creatures responding to?

Radiation from Japan

They say that the gradual melt-down of the nuclear power plant in Japan won't cause long-term health effects for those of us living here on Earth. I call bullshit.

I'm no nuclear physicist. Nope -- I'm just a caveman. But one thing I do have experience with is a little something called I-131 radiation, which is one of the main kinds of radiation that's being released by the bucket-load into the water and air around Japan right this very moment.

You see, about ten years ago I came down with a bad case of thyroid cancer, and after having a rather huge surgery to remove the damaged gland and the effected lymph nodes, the next thing they do to you is nuke the bejeezus out of you in an attempt to kill the rest of the disease.

Guess what they use to destroy any last traces of thyroid cells in your body? I-131 radiation, that's what. Now, when I took my large dose of radioactive iodine, this is how it went down:

I went to the hospital and the radiation oncologists came in wearing a space suit and mask, towing behind them a little metal wagon with a locked metal box on top. Once they quizzed me about what I'd had to eat that day (nothing) and whether or not I felt the least bit queasy (a deal-breaker, as vomiting after taking the pill would qualify as a "nuclear spill" and require a HazMat team) I was instructed to open the metal box and take the little horse pill inside. No one else would touch the pill.

Once I took it, I stayed in a locked, plastic-wrapped hospital room for four days until the radiation levels dissipated enough that I could safely walk among the general public again. Even after I left the hospital I was instructed to stay home for 3-4 more days, stay far away from children and pregnant women, eat off of plastic utensils and plates, and flush the toilet several times after using it... so that my pee wouldn't corrode the pipes.

That was 250 nuclear units. How much of that stuff is being released into the atmosphere in Japan? Enough so that I-131 was detected in rain water in Boston last week, that's how much.

If that's not enough to make us look into green energy, what is?

Okay, those are mine. What do you think? Is it time to bust out the tinfoil hats or what?


Mary said...

You're preaching to the choir here Bev...I've had my tinfoil hat perfected for years :)

Maeghan said...

I'm going to start an Etsy page to sell my tres fashionable tinfoil chapeaux. And it will be entirely in French.
Oh, and by the way, we're completely f*#@%^.
This is Maeghan, btw.

Heidi Renée said...

Nuclear barf! It's OK, you can still hide in my bunker when the end days come next year.

Bev said...

Mary - Thank you, that makes me feel better!

Maeghan - Do it! I'll do my first ever OOBH give-away. ;)

Heidi Renee - I'll see you there! I'll bring Doritos. :)

Mala said...


I've been freaking out since last summer, which you're aware of.

There were multiple UFO sightings AND recordings last fall. ALL OF THEM LOOKED THE SAME!!! In Manhattan they blamed it on ballons a spinster...errrr, teacher received when she finally got engaged. Really? THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ALL OVER THE CITY WITNESSED IT!!!! Balloons my ass! In TX the gov't wrote off the sightings as skydivers jumping at night. Funny, skydivers thAT hoover? HOOVER!!!! NOT FALLING!!!!


We're screwed.

Mala said...

OMG this post has me spinning so hard I can't even write! Please disregard the numerous errors in my last comment. I'd fix it but I'm too busy digging a bomb shelter and hoarding canned goods.

Frank Irwin said...

Don't forget to take your Hoover, Mala.


Mala said...

It's hard to type while you're running around in circles screaming!

But still, I should probably lug the vacuum down to the bomb shelter. After 60 or 70 years down there, it's gonna get a little messy.

Bev said...

Heh heh... "hoover." ;)

But yes, you're right Mala. Strange things happening all over the world, yet no one is really talking about it or noticing. It's unsettling, to say the least!