Monday, April 11, 2011

Aging: You're Doing It Wrong

Happy Monday! You'll never believe it, but all of my whining over being sick of winter finally paid off this weekend! We enjoyed 70 degree weather with a fair amount of sunshine yesterday, and it was everything that I hoped it could be, and more. Vitamin D was Mother Nature's way of bitch-slapping me out of my funk, so I'm finally back to my usual blatherings here at OOBH Central. Praise Cheeses!

The return of that large fiery ball at the center of our universe got me thinking about sunscreen, naturally. When you're like me and have the coloring of a Scottish albino, you have to think about these things early and often. I'm only in my mid-thirties, yet in the fine lines of my face I can already see evidence of every sunburn and tan I've ever inflicted upon myself, so I've become one of these sunblock fanatics who never leaves the house unprotected.

We all have to get older, and it sure beats the alternative! But we don't have to LOOK old, now do we?

Which brings us to my point (yes, I do have one... for a change), and that is those celebrities who walk among us yet don't seem to be aging at the same rate as the rest of us mere mortals. Sure, many (most?) of them rely heavily upon Dr. Cutsalot and his magical scalpel, not to mention all of those scary plastic injectables and whatnot... but there seem to be a few famous folks who have somehow managed to slow the hands of time so much that they look pretty much the same as they did a decade ago.


Is it witchcraft?  Deals with the devil? Some sort of Picture of Dorian Gray dealio?  You decide.

Christie Brinkley

This woman is 57 years old.  FML.

Paul Rudd
Baby face, much?
Gwyneth Paltrow
Yes, we hate Gwyneth, but bitch is NOT aging.
Halle Berry
I hope she's "must look away" scary in her next life.  Seems only fair.
Maybe starting to look a trifle plastic?  Still... wow.
Keanu Reeves
I don't care if he technically "can't act," he has always made me feel funny in my pants

Sharon Stone
Maybe it's the CrAzY that keeps the wrinkles away?

Julianne Moore
This redhead credits staying out of the sun for helping to keep her skin smooth.

Susan Sarandon
Mother.  Lover.
Since every coin has two sides, next let's take a look at a few celebs who are not aging so well.

 Lindsay Lohan
24 years old. Twenty-four. Years.  OLD.
Jude Law
That is one unfortunate hairline, my good man!
 Pam Anderson
See also Damage, Sun
 Jessica Lang
Jessica, STOP with the facelifts!  Your eyebrows are almost into your hair!
 Kathleen Turner
This is NOT the Joan Wilder I knew and loved!

More like Madame
 Nicole Kidman
...and your little dog, too!
Luke Wilson
Middle Age: it's comin' for us all.
There's my list -- who's on yours? 


Rich Girl Red said...

Thanks, Bev! The picture of Madonna and Madam made me spray Diet Pepsi! I saw a picture of Mad-Donna over the weekend and thought the very same thing. I loved Madam on Hollywood Squares.

As a freckled, red-headed, pasty white girl I'm also very careful about the sun. Last summer, for the first time in 40 years, I actually had a tan. I did it slowly and carefully and I may be sorry later but all that time in the sun somehow healed my soul. I can't explain it and I'll probably do it again this year!

And you are so right -- middle age comes for us all. Dammit. :)

rosi said...

Wow, Christie B. looks GOOD! I'll be hoping for some of Julianne's results as a redhead... Since tanning never got me anywhere, I eventually gave up trying. My forehead's a wrinkly mess, but that's because I scowl so much.

Unbelievable how BAD some of those celebs are looking, unbelievable that some are so unaware that the plastic surgery is making it worse. Gah!

MLG said...

As a great fan of Nicole Kidman, it was so sad to see her looking so icky. However, she has recently admitted to overdoing the Botox, and has discontinued using it in the past couple of years. She actually looks much better these days. Pamela Anderson, on the other hand, is a train wreck.

MLG said...

Errr, I think my writing/grammar in my last post was a bit off, but I'm just going to leave it. How do you spell lazy? M-A-E-G-H-A-N. That's me.

Bev said...

I love how all my pale girls responded first! WOOOT! Where my white girls at? :D

RGR - Funny, last summer was the first season I actually got kinda-sorta tan, too! However, when I go back and look at pics, I was still pretty glaringly-white, especially next to all of my friends who actually get bronzed. Oh well!

Rosi - You're a gorgeous redhead, and I certainly never noticed your forehead wrinkles! I think we see things on ourselves that no one else ever does. At least, that's what I tell myself about my smile lines!

Maeghan - Haha! The alternate spelling for lazy is B-E-V! And yes, I have noticed Nic looking better these days, but still... I wish she'd stop messing with her LIPS!

Elliott said...

Luke's not aging poorly. He's just getting into character for auditions for NFG - The Movie.

Since I've just recently realized how badly out of shape I am, and really feeling my age as I'm one month from 4-oh, I truly believe aging well or aging poorly is all about personal choice. Not that you blamed nature for any of that, but it really needs to be restated. Nature didn't make Kathleen Turner or Pam Anderson look like that.

MJenks said...

Moar Julianne Moore, pleez!

Leah said...

Bev, you always make me laugh. Thanks so much for sharing from your head. :-)

The Daily Wit said...

Having had sex with all those women (and Luke Wilson; I was experimenting), I can say that Madame was the best despite her age. Granted she was a little limp and lifeless from time to time, but she gave no resistance to my advances. Also, she's very open to suggestion. I felt almost like she was saying everything I told her to.

By the way, I'm 42 and I look like I'm 117. If I were famous, you'd have my picture up there.

Frank Irwin said...

Susan Sarandon is using a couple of pretty good distraction devices to keep people from noticing the wrinkles in her face.

Bev said...

Elliott - Yes, I agree that it's mostly about choices... and genetics. Stupid, cursed genetics! Don't get me started.

Jenks - Agreed. Yum.

Leah - Thank you! :)

TDW - Nice to see you again! And yeah, my photo would be up there fo' sho'. I recognize that as a blogger I resign myself to the role of the overly-critical Comic Book Guy... and I'm okay with that.

Frank - I bow down before the master! I've already begun utilizing my God-given distraction devices.

Cary said...

Scottish albino. *snort*

Christie looks her age in some pics. So does Susan. Sun is the least of Pam's problems. Nicole's face is so tight, I bet it sounds like a violin string breaking when she plucks an eyebrow.

Who knows what the hell happened to Luke Wilson? Yeah, he got fat, but there's more. One day he's this boyishly handsome, easygoing everyman, the next he's a chubby schlub pitchman for one of America's most hated companies who looks like he might go hang himself between takes, he's so miserable with his life. Where's the dude who was in Old School and Legally Blonde?

Bev said...

Cary, I wondered the same thing about Luke Wilson. When and why did he just give up? Jeez. Seeing him now is depressing.

LOL at Nicole's violin string face! So true.