Friday, May 20, 2011

It's the end of the world as we know it...

and I feel fine. No, really, I do.

Sooo, if you're one of those religious extremists Christians who think that the world is going to end tomorrow, I hope you're all doing it UP today! Seriously, you're already Saved... why not get your party on, comfortable in the knowledge that you will be safely ushered into Heaven at approximately 6 PM EST tomorrow?

See u Saturday!  lol

Go nuts! Get the caffeinated coffee. Eat a Big Mac. Have a beer. Rub one out.

We'll be sad to see you go, but those of us who are left behind will somehow muddle through. It will be tough going, what with all of the earthquakes and zombie attacks and all, but somehow I think this rag-tag group of sinners will do okay.  I'm just psyched that all of my friends and most of my family will still be here!  It'll be like Old Home Day up in here!

I'm feeling pretty well-prepared, having done a big grocery shop and stocked up on water, iodine tablets, and non-perishable food items yesterday. But truth be told, I plan to get the majority of my supplies during the Post-Rapture looting.  First stop: pharmacy.

What?  For my thyroid medication, duh.  What did you think, that I'd grab all of the pain relievers, condoms, and Xanax?  No way!  Never.*

Second stop: liquor store.

 Catch you later, fellas.

At any rate, I'm pretty okay with the world ending tomorrow.  I mean, I'd be bummed, yeah, but it would be kind of a relief in some ways.  No more stress, worry, or credit card bills.  No more forcing myself to exercise even though I hate it. No more Kardashians on TV.

I could get used to it.  I'd adjust.


Haha, I'm kidding!  I'm not really a crazy nut who believes in that crap, sillies! On Sunday morning, we'll all still be here, and I'd love to be a fly on the wall of one of the churches whose congregation believed it all.

Oops.
Instead, I'll be one of the many, many people on this planet who will join together in the spirit of brotherhood and give them a universal, cosmic one of these:
That'll teach you to believe in something, believers!

Oh, settle down, I'm kidding.  Mostly.

At any rate, tonight I'll be spending the last night of "normal" existence on a chick date.  We're going to eat our body weights in delicious carbohydrates and then go see Bridesmaids, and I can't think of a better way to say sayonara to the world as we know it.

Just in case, I wish you all the best in the Afterlife or whatever.  If you end up staying here, as I'm sure you will because if you read my blog then you're undeniably a big fat sinner cool, call me!

Peace, love, and antibiotics!
XOXO
La Bev

*Yes way.  Always.

7 comments:

PorkStar said...

LMFAO good post

"Go nuts! Get the caffeinated coffee. Eat a Big Mac. Have a beer. Rub one out" <--- done, done and done!

MJenks said...

I'm only calling you if you promise phone sex.

Bev said...

PorkStar - Well, aren't you the eager beaver! Way to prepare, buddy!

Jenks - *breathy voice* I thought that was implied, big boy.

rosi said...

I believe I'm being left behind, Bev. It's okay, I'd like to party with you. Now, what kind of ice cream do I have in the freezer, and where is that margherita?

Elliott said...

I already made plans for today. World Doesn't End plans? Ride the motorcycle. World Ends Plan? I'm trading my car for the Lotus Esprit sitting at the local dealership. So what if I can't drive stick?

MLG said...

I'm going to end my life watching the most sinful movie ever: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! You know, all that evil magician shit that gets pyscho Christian wackjobs* in a panty-twist.

*Not all Christians are wackjobs, just the ones that think Harry Potter is the devil.

MLG said...

Oh, and I will definitely be looting. Just have to find the nearest dispensary, 'cause they won't be checkin' my MJ card!!!